Wolfen's Blog

Can't Sleep...

Coming Home

Today my husband is coming home.  He talked to me this morning at 5:30 his time (7:30 my time) and said that as he was parting ways with the senior manager he was working with, the man said "Let me know if you want a job in my department!" and shook his hand.  I think my husband may take him up on it. 

He would be travelling a lot more than he does now (which is basically never).  I'd have to be on my own a lot more but what I have learned by both his trip to New Mexico and my trip to Toronto is that I can still take care of myself!  I like having him around to help me out with some things, but I can do everything I need to do myself.  That means that he can travel and I can spend a little more time in a clean house!  (Have I mentioned that my husband is an incredible slob?)

I guess it's the only real "fault" my husband has...but it's a doozy!  He's a slob and I'm a neat-freak.  It makes things frustrating for me to try and keep the house clean when he's in it...so maybe if he's away more often I won't be so deflated about the state of our home.  It actually gives me a chance to get things clean and keep them clean for a while...something that I find "restful".  So I guess if he was away on business trips, I might actually find that a bit restful...as long as it wasn't too much of the time.

He said that most people who work in that department have 80% travel time.  It is something he really enjoys so I'd like it if he could pursue it for a couple of years at least. 

If he was travelling to more of these secured locations he'd have to become a dual citizen.  Being Canadian alone was alright for this job, though they did have to give special clearance...but if he's going to be going to these places all the time it's just WAY easier if he's a dual citizen.  He will also need additional security clearance.  These are both things he's happy to get.

As far as living in the US goes, it would really depend on what happened down the road.  If he was devoted to customers in the New Mexico area he could probably move down there to live if he wanted, but it seems that he's also probably able to stay here if he wants to.  He would much rather stay here and travel to work by plane if he can get away with it. 

Last night he told me that whatever happens, there's going to be some changes when he gets back (at work)!  He said he's realized now that he is definitely being underpaid and he's definitely being under-appreciated.  This is so great to hear.  His confidence is much higher now.  He used to feel like he wouldn't be good at this sort of work, but I think he sees that he's very good at it AND he really enjoys it.  The manager who offered him the job is very senior at his company and so it really makes him feel good that he's able to impress him.  I think he also impressed himself!

Meh.

I pulled a back muscle yesterday when I lifted a heavy container of water while also twisting slightly.  I've been using the heating pad ever since.  This happens to me fairly often and I have to wonder if a lot of other MS patients have back spasms.  I suspect that yes they do.  Of course when they go to the neurologist I'm sure they get told that back spasms can be caused by many things.  That's what my neurologist says whenever I complain about any MS symptoms.  It's like for every symptom, no matter how well documented as a typical MS symptom, you have to prove it's the MS.  So "for some unknown reason" I get a lot of back spasms!

My husband is finally coming home tomorrow.  I can't wait to see him.  He's pretty tired of being away from me too.  He said that he would never be able to be a salesperson who has to go all over the world because he would just miss home too much.

I think he's learned something about himself on this trip.  He has figured out what he likes to do.  He has figured out that what he's been doing at work has been making him miserable.  Getting out to the one customer's site, exclusively focused on their network and infrastructure really gave him a great feeling of accomplishment and pride.  He said that the work was actually "easy" for him because he was enjoying it so much.  He said that the work seemed incredibly complex and challenging and yet he had absolutely no problems whatsoever.  It seems he's found his forte.  Now he needs to parlay it into a permanent position, just for him.  His boss is already gearing up to send him to NASA for the next trip!

New Mexico

Hey you know what they have in New Mexico?  Some things that ought to set the old arachnophobia into high gear.  They have: scorpions, tarantulas, black widow and recluse spiders...not to mention some spider-like things that defy explanation.

Here I've been complaining about the Ontario wolf spiders, harmless as they are, because they're fast, furry and disgusting looking...and because they get "big".  I can't even imagine what it would be like to sweep tarantulas out of the dark corners of the house.  I bet I'd be really glad to come home to wolf spiders. :)  I think that if my husband gets offered a job in New Mexico that I'd need some serious spider-coping gear...possibly a flame-thrower.  Fortunately, I think flame-throwers are legal in New Mexico! :)

Recall

My husband is coming home in a few days.  However, his clearance has been extended for another month or so..."just in case".  This of course means he'll be going back to Albuquerque in another week or two.  They haven't said that he'll be coming back, but I know he will be.  HE even said he wanted to go back to finish up a few things.  So if he wants to go back and they like him and the boss is trying to keep the customer happy...well you can see why I think he'll be going back shortly.

I wonder if they've got enough "stuff" for him to do that they'd want him around all the time.  I somehow doubt it.  I think they have a grocery list of things that have needed attention for years.  I don't think that there would be enough for him to do just based on what's there now.  However, there is a possibility (pretty good possibility actually) that they'll be making sweeping changes to the network and infrastructure and for that they may want him back.  In fact, I'm 100% sure they'd want him back for this because he's not only impressed them, but he's impressed the senior manager who is in charge of this customer's account.  He wants my husband to be involved with any changes that they make.

No matter what happens with all of this, one thing is for sure...my husband's career will never be the same.  He's really stepped up to the plate on this one and everyone has taken notice.  He's going to be able to come home and pretty much kick ass! :)  Good for him...he deserves it.

In the meantime, I've been scoping out the housing in New Mexico.  We could literally live in a mansion down there.  The housing bubble has completely burst and basically there's empty mansions everywhere.  One place I was looking at even had a guest house attached to it.  That would be sweet.  It's fun looking at houses, but I don't seriously think we'll be moving...just fun to look though.  We'd have to live in the mountains...with a cement, inground pool for the dog!

Sigh

Thinking Out Loud

My husband doesn't come home until Thursday of this week.  He didn't have to work this weekend so he did some touristy stuff in Albuquerque.  He went up Sandia Mountain in a cable car and today he's going to the zoo.  He's making friends at the base where he's working and he's fixing so many of their problems.  They're much happier with the service they're getting now than they were before he went down. 

What was happening before was that they'd have a problem; call support and it would literally take years for support and then development to fix the problem.  The delay would be caused because they'd be off site trying to do information gathering...sometimes the support person themselves would procrastinate the issue because they were not experienced enough to know how to troubleshoot it.  Rather than expedite matters, they'd get bogged down and stale.  Eventually the customer would work around the issue somehow on their own!  That's pretty sad customer service, especially when the customer is the military.

My husband is actually physically there on site, fixing the problems and logging issues with his company.  When he runs into a support person who doesn't know what they're doing, he can immediately call them on it and get them off the phone!  It's making it easier for support as well because he is helping them identify people who cannot do their jobs.  He eliminates the second-guessing and delays caused by waiting for email or waiting for phone calls...he's right there.  He's also fixing some really old legacy issues, explaining the software and how it works and helping to fix the network so that it's better than ever.  I'm so proud of him!

I think the hardest part is going to be that the company is going to want him to move to New Mexico as a permanent resident.  He wants to work for the base, but not as a full-time resident...afterall his wife is in Canada!  I can't leave Canada permanently because of all my cannabis medications.  If I went to the US I'd have to go off cannabis, which helps my MS.  Also, I'd have to fly back home periodically for checkups.  I suppose it would be "doable" for me, but it would be challenging, logistic-wise.  We'd have to maintain a Canadian residence as well in order to keep our health benefits.  That's a lot to consider.

So far his boss is saying that he'd just go down once in a while...like maybe every two or three months.  That would be perfect.  He'd like that arrangement and so would I.  However, I suspect that once he was signed on to the idea the visits would get more and more frequent and eventually they'll want him down there permanently.  I'm okay with that, as long as I don't lose my health benefits or anything. 

I would be able to get a lot of tattoo customers in New Mexico.  I would only be able to tattoo people by "trading" for the tattoos.  I wouldn't be able to actually get paid money for them.  As a Canadian citizen without a work visa, I would not be allowed to work for money.  Not that I want to "work" because for me, tattooing is fun.  Hey I could trade my tattoos for housecleaning services!  I don't know how that would work, but basically I'd only be allowed to have it as a hobby.  Still, I bet I could find a fair number of illegal immigrants who would gladly trade housecleaning services for tattoos!

A Right Turn in Albuquerque

So my husband's stay in Albuquerque, New Mexico is going very well.  So well that they extended it for a few more days!  Also, the latest news from my husband's boss is that they want him to become their new dedicated professional.  He'd be dedicated to the customer in Albuquerque almost exclusively.

That would mean that my husband would spend about one week per month actually on site in Albuquerque and the other three weeks at home, but still working on their stuff.  He'd have other customers still, but they'd be secondary to his main customer.  What's really exciting about this is that the customer is requesting my husband specifically.  They're requesting him through his company's CEO...which means that the company's CEO is now acutely aware of my husband and how great he is!  That will help his career.

A nice element of this is that the customer is a military base and my husband LOVES military stuff...like planes and tanks and guns and stuff.  He's not a gun nut (he actually has no guns himself) but he loves seeing them and knows all about them.  It's the perfect environment for my husband and he's very excited about it all. 

He wouldn't have to move there or even find accommodations because the customer's contract would pay for the lodgings when he went down each month.  He doesn't want to have to have a residence in the US because that complicates everything.  So this would really be ideal for him. 

For me, it means that one week per month I'd be on my own.  My mom would help me out if I needed it, but most months I suspect we'd just get into a routine where we did all our errands and chores before my husband left and then for the week he'd be away I would just fend for myself. 

He'd be able to pick up my cross-border shopping too! :)  I like that idea.  I love to shop at Zappos shoe site, but their Canadian delivery and shipping is astronomical.  I usually get a friend of mine in the US to receive the shoes and then ship them to me.  This would mean that my husband could pick up the shoes for me.  YAY!

Eventually I might even get to go down with him and stay in the hotel...just to see the place.  I've never seen the desert so I'd really enjoy that.  I wouldn't want to move there though...the desert is a nice place to visit.  It's too bad the military base isn't located in New Orleans...but maybe some day he'll need to go work for the military base there too! 

Introspective Self-indulgent Stuff

I like to try and always be changing and moving forward.  I am a Gemini and that is what we're like.  We like change, we like to keep things fresh.  Geminis are known for being "Jacks of all trades" because they tend to move around a lot in life and don't stagnate too much.

So what's the deal with the rest of the zodiac?  Is Gemini the only one that can avoid getting stuck in the past?  Maybe it's not a zodiac thing.  Maybe it's just a human oddity that we tend to get stuck in time.  I read an interesting article that said that most people get stuck in the time that they consider their "glory days".  Usually this means they associate most with their mid-twenties.

What happens is that people don't want to stop listening to the music of their youth because the music reminds them of their "best years".  So they start to slowly stagnate.  They stop listening to the "new" radio stations, and are genuinely surprised when one day they find themselves listening to "oldies" radio in order to hear their favourite tunes.

The same logic that is used for listening to music is often applied to everything...clothing, hair and makeup, even food can be part of this stagnating process.  People love to romanticize the past too, so then the glory days become even MORE important, taking on almost legendary proportions through the filter of time.

The problem with this kind of nostalgic living is that it prevents you from staying fresh.  It prevents you from exploring the world around you and learning new things.  It prevents you from staying current with musical trends, food trends, clothing trends and other trends that are going on.  Not that people need to be trendy, no that's not my point at all.  My point is that people need to be engaged.  They need to care about what's going on with other people, with society and yes, with some popular culture. 

My father is a prime example of someone who lives in his past.  He cannot get over "race".  He still comments on anyone he encounters who is not of white ancestry.  It's the typical comments...things like "This [insert minority group here] cut me off today in the car."  He calls Asian people "oriental", he calls black people "coloured" and he is not unlike Archie Bunker in both attitude and flatulence.  He's afraid to try any new foods, he makes fun of everything he doesn't understand and cannot resist a sexist remark whenever possible.  In short, he's typical of old school, white boys club thinking.  But he's not just an old fart, he's stuck in his ways too.

People don't get stuck in the past all at once.  It happens gradually, from the point at which they start being an adult it seems.  Something happens that causes people to romanticize, fixate and sometimes even obsess over the past.

I personally know of at least two men who are allowing memories from their past to keep them crippled from enjoying their present.  They see themselves as finished now...glory days are over and there's not much worth living for.  It's so sad that more people can't just keep growing and changing and learning.  Weird.

Raining Everywhere

It seems that the rains are flooding the US.  We're getting rained upon too, but so far our rivers have not burst their seams or anything.  I really feel bad for all those people who are being displaced by this rain.  Worse though, the weather is ruining the crops that were growing in the fields of the bread basket of the US.  Considering that there's also a world food shortage, this is going to make that worse.  It's also destroyed a lot of corn...which is now an inefficient fuel (ethanol) for vehicles.  Messy.

The Weather

I don't know where you are right now, but here in eastern Ontario it's been insane!  The weather has been so crazy.  We've had hail, funnel clouds and biblical rains!  Things are fine here at our place because the trees and dense foliage protect us from winds but there have been some stellar wind/rain storms tearing up the countryside.  My head has been aching a bit, but so far it seems that I may avoid a full migraine.  I am taking precautions though.

I got some more reference books from Amazon today.  I have been ordering tons of reference books on various tattoo subjects.  I got a BIG book on birds, one on snakes, butterflies, some Celtic patterns, some alphabet scripts, some Japanese art and some Tim Burton artwork books.  I have been stockpiling the books for my tattoo library.  I hope to one day have a nice tattoo shop with a reference library that I can use to find inspiration, copy elements from and generally use as artistic guideline for some of the more typical requests.  Having a bunch of different books plus some flash art will really allow me to use my own artistic abilities to design tattoos for people.  I have a pretty big collection now and I think that after the last order (that I placed today!) I am now ready for custom requests.

I'm still waiting for my ink to arrive.  I ordered it last week from the US and it should arrive shortly, but I am chomping at the bit to get tattooing again!  Even if I just tattoo fake skin, I want to get practicing again.  I also have one cousin who is basically waiting for me to do some work on him.  He keeps emailing me to see if I'm ready yet!  I had to tell him that as soon as the ink gets here I'll let him know!  I'm sure it will arrive any day now. :)

Updates

My husband phones me from the various airports he's had to visit on his way to Albuquerque.  He just phoned me from Houston, TX to say that he was eating BBQ brisket and enjoying the sun.  It's pouring here and thunderstorming like crazy!  We even had hail! 

He's going to be getting into the hotel at about 9:30 pm (my time) and then I think he will really enjoy himself.  The arrival is always a bit discombobulating but once you arrive at your destination it's usually a lot of fun...I think he's going to have a great time.

Shoe on the other Foot.

My husband just left town.  He flew out on the plane to Toronto.  He's going to a stag party for a friend and then he has to go to Albequerque on business.

I'm officially "baching it" like he was when I went to my tattoo school.  I have a house full of food, a car in the garage if I need one and all of my medications are topped up so I shouldn't have to drive anywhere...except to the mailbox each day to pick up the mail. 

I may walk to get the mail though...with the dog.  We'll see how bad the bugs are!  The deerflies have been horrible lately.  I may keep the walking to a minimum and just use my recumbent bike for exercise...it's up to the dog.  He's been really anti-outdoors lately...the heat has him staying inside!

All of this to say that now the shoe is on the other foot...he's out of town and I'm at home waiting to video-conference! :)

A Wrong Turn?

My husband has to go to Albequerque on business.  When he told me that I said "I hope you don't get lost."  He said "So I don't take a wrong turn at Albequerque?"  "Yup." 

I wonder just how sick of that joke are the residents of Albequerque, New Mexico....pretty sick of it I'd bet.  But on closer inspection, I realized that if it weren't for that joke Albequerque New Mexico might not be known at all!  So it's probably a love/hate thing.  They love the tourism money it brings in, but hate the joke. 

Joke or not, my husband has to go there on business and will be leaving me to fend for myself against the spiders!  Spiders are the one thing I REALLY rely on my husband to take care of for me!  I hope he enjoys his trip though.  He's looking forward to it and think it will be neat for him to go.  I hope he gets me a T-shirt!

Have you ever had an uneasy feeling you couldn't shake?  Like some non-specific feeling that you were just on the edge of remembering something that was really stressful that you forgot to do...or like a slight anxious feeling about nothing in particular?  I have had this feeling for two days...like the feeling that something really bad was about to happen.  I hope it's just the meds...or the lack thereof.  I did take a ton of medication for eleven days during my migraine.  Perhaps it's just anxiety because I'm not drowning in the happy waves of excess THC anymore!  It's just this feeling like all hell is about to break loose...for no particular reason.  I hope it goes away soon.

YAY!

My migraine is gone.  I never did hear back from the nurse at my neurologist's office but I guess they know what I've been going through and that's the main thing.  If it ever comes down to it, I can at least say that I tried to tell them but they didn't respond.  My ass is covered so to speak.

In the meantime I am slowly amassing the supplies I need to start tattooing.  I will have to get a business number soon but until I get that sorted out I am just glad that I have some ink on its way.  I want to start using a single needle to practice.  We didn't use them in school but I thought it might be fun to work with one on fake skin.  Won't know until I try! :)

Migrainey Fun

I emailed my neurologist's nurse this morning to ask her if it's okay that for eleven days I've had a migraine.  She didn't seem that concerned about it until I said that I was taking my THC for it.  Then she told me that I shouldn't take more than my prescribed doseage.  I told her that taking the THC was what my neurologist told me to do and that he really didn't want me taking codeine products like Tylenol 3.  Now I haven't heard from her in a while. 

Here's what I think happened:  She got the email, had no idea who I was or what my history was but she read that I had been having migraines and thought "Hmm...the weather's been bad, it's probably that."  She actually had the nerve to suggest that maybe I was dehydrated...like I don't know how to consume enough water and that suddenly I'm having an eleven day migraine because of my water levels.  *sigh*  I've been having migraines for over twenty years now.  I believe I know the difference between getting a headache from dehydration and getting a migraine.  What's really frustrating is that when I told her that I was taking the medications that my neurologist told me to take she seemed to stop emailing.  I assume that NOW she is asking the neurologist for a real answer.

After her brilliant suggestion that I shouldn't take any more drugs than I've been prescribed she failed to suggest what I should take for this eleven day migraine.  I said "Well maybe you could tell me what I should take since my doctor doesn't want me taking any codiene preparations."  I haven't heard anything.  So basically, if I read this email thread back to myself it says this:

"Don't take anything.  Try not to suffer."

Fuck her.

Migraine Week Two...

I've had a migraine for over a week now.  That's a personal record, even for me.  I am hoping that the next series of thunderstorms will clear it out and I'll be able to think straight for a change. 

I did manage to do a 2.13 km recumbent bike ride today but the tension was set so low that I believe a way to replicate what I did in the real world would be to ride a bike down a hill for 2.13 km!  I was just so tired I couldn't do anymore than that.

Paperwork and Migraines

I've been nursing a migraine for days now.  The weather is so screwy.  The migraines happen only during a certain part of my cycle...and if they're triggered.  The trigger is always a drop in barometric pressure...the timing has to fall during my pms time or my period.  Currently I'm at the mercy of the weather...which stinks. 

In other news I've been putting together some waivers and aftercare instructions for my tattoo business.  I had some waivers that I got from school, but I added a few more clauses to my waiver.  I included a clause protecting me against any action in the event that the person is discriminated against because of their tattoo.  I also added a clause for "cover-ups" (that they don't always "cover up") and one for UV ink...basically saying that the person agrees to have phosphorus put in their body.  These clauses are designed to prevent me from being sued and to protect me in the even that I am sued.  I plan on vetting my customers out well enough that the waiver should almost be redundant.

When I was in tattoo school I quickly learned that the "tough guys" are not tough!  The guys who think they can handle the pain of a sensitive spot, often cannot.  I will tell every customer that whether or not they can handle the pain, they have to stay still while I apply the tattoo...or it will not look good and if they cannot stay still I will refuse to do the work.  As harsh as that sounds, I really cannot tell you how terrible I would have felt if my "squirmer" customer at school had left with a bad tattoo.  Having had a squirmer I now understand how important it is to impress upon people that they HAVE to stay still.  Failure to do so will result in my refusal to continue working.  I'd rather they leave with incomplete work than BAD work.

Afterlife

My understanding of the afterlife is that it's an existence for your subconsciousness.  If that's the case, I am really looking forward to being able to exist in some format without the agony of migraines.  That'll be sweet.

Rainy Bleh

It's grey and gross out today.  The weather is migrainey and so am I. 

My husband and I have been ordering our tattoo supplies from all over.  It will be a lot easier once we have our business name registered so we can order from one local supplier.  The problem is that until we have a business name, many suppliers won't sell to us.  So we have to buy things from various sellers.  The good news is that my husband is getting the company set up now and so soon we'll be able to place orders easily.

I bought some flash art yesterday.  I got a bunch of tiny little stuff.  I figure that's the best way for me to start out...by just doing the little stars and flowers and things.  As much as I hope to one day be able to put down huge back pieces, the reality is that with Multiple Sclerosis there is a limitation on the size of tattoo I can execute in a sitting.  I can only tattoo comfortably for about three hours.  After three hours I need a break.  I suspect that I'd be able to do a maximum of four, MAYBE five hours per day comfortably if I took a break half way through.  Keeping that in mind will mean that a lot of my work will be small or medium sized tattoos.  Fortunately, small and medium sized tattoos are what pay the bills in most tattoo shops.

I'm feeling really gross and migrainey-pukey.  Gonna go lie down. :P

New Perspective

Since coming home from tattoo school I have a whole new ability to look at my supplies and tools and see what I now need in order to get a tattoo business going.  Now that I understand what I'll be doing and what I'll need to do it, I can better figure out my inventory and my requirements.

The goal with tattooing is (according to the health department) to keep things as clean as possible.  They do not expect anything to be sterile except the needles and tubes used for the actual tattooing.  The rest of the area needs to be reasonably clean and must be able to be disinfected after use.  I see this as barely adequate.

I can easily meet the health department's requirements but I actually want to supercede them by a wide margin.  I plan on making my tattoo shop as sanitary as possible...in fact, I plan on doing some pretty aggressively different things to ensure that it is the cleanest shop in the area.  For one thing, every customer will get their own ink.  Ink bottles are the number one location for cross-contamination to occur in a tattoo shop.  I am going to pay for individual tubes of ink that are only for single use.  The ink is also sterile, which it wouldn't be if it was from a bigger bottle. 

Another way I plan to make my shop better than most is with the use of surgical procedures.  I want to have "operating rooms" for the execution of the tattoos and I want them separate from the workspace where people draw and design.  The operating rooms will only be used for actual tattooing and will be left in a sanitary condition at all times.

I also want to have "electric eye" faucets for the sinks so that you don't need to touch the knobs.  Another precaution would be swinging doors on the operating rooms and the bathroom.  The idea is that if a tattooist needs to leave the operating room and use the washroom that they can do so without needing to touch anything with their hands.  They'll of course be using gloves which they'd remove before leaving the operating room, but it still is safer to have doors that swing as well. 

Another thing I'd like to have in my shop is a locker for my customers to use while they're being tattooed.  I think it would make people feel better if they could lock their purse and jacket away.  I suppose that would only be necessary if there were lots of people in the shop.  For a single customer it's not really necessary.  These are all ideas that have occurred to me on my various trips to the tattooist.  These are all things I've thought of when I've been getting a tattoo.

Another thing I'd want to do is include a can of Coke or Pepsi with every tattoo...to be consumed while having the tattoo done...and possibly some cookies!  I don't want my customers fainting.