Wolfen's Blog

Up Early

I woke up on the early side today and didn't feel like going back to sleep.  I'm hoping to keep this pattern going now for the rest of the week so that I'll be on a somewhat normal schedule when I go to tattoo school next week. 

I'm really looking forward to it but I'm also really nervous of all the "unknowns".  You know, the stuff that everyone else takes for granted...like being able to find their way around a strange city.  As much as I know Toronto, I don't know it well enough to feel comfortable there.

This week I have to pack for the trip...two weeks is a long time to have to pack for.  One week is hard enough.  I guess I'll have to use the hotel's laundry service to maximize my small luggage.  You see I have to remember that on my way home I will have all of my luggage PLUS a tattoo kit filled with machines, power supply, ink and some paper handouts.  These items will be encased in some kind of suitcase/briefcase type of box that I will need to carry to the train, in addition to my duffle and laptop bags.  So I'm trying to pack lightly so I don't have too much to carry.  Remember that I have MS and am kitteny weak as well so that adds to the fun.

When I travel I really don't like using suitcases persay.  I prefer a duffle bag because a) (when travelling by plane) the airport staff don't rip off your stuff because your bags look "uninteresting" b) I can fit more luggage in my duffle than in my suitcase and c) because it's easier to carry a shoulder bag than a dead weight with little wheels that you have to drag behind you.  What is the deal with those tiny luggage wheels???  Besides, it's safer too because you have your hands free.

So I travel with a duffle bag and a laptop bag and nothing more, to allow myself to be mobile and have my hands free.  I have at least half of my duffle bag taken up with medications, shoes and makeup/beauty care stuff.  So that leaves me a half duffle bag to take two weeks of clothing with me.  It's a good thing that I own a lot of yoga pants and t-shirts!

I think that the hardest part for me while I'm gone (aside from missing my husband, dog and parrot) will be just the fact that I cannot see green grass and trees.  I'm going to be staying in a downtown Toronto highrise hotel.  There's no pool either so I can't swim (I LOVE swimming...even in a hotel pool).  I guess what I'm saying is that I'll miss being able to walk outside and hear the birds and the breeze blowing through the aspens.  I'll miss being able to put my bare feet down in the grass.  Urban life feels confined and unhealthy to me...and the noise is going to drive me nuts.  However I'll be so tired most days that I don't think any of that will impede my sleep.

Today I'm finished my period.  When this happens my entire body changes shape!  I have the runs for a day or two as all the hormones suddenly change over.  I can literally feel the "bloat" disappearing and I pee constantly.  I come out of the end of my period about two sizes smaller and it all happens in a day or two.  It's often very painful as I have these cramps and the runs.  I can honestly say that I will be glad when I go through menopause so I will stop changing size so drastically each month.  At least my "skinny" portion of my cycle is now in full swing.  This is also when I'm at my most energetic too.  I think the timing couldn't be more perfect for my trip away.  Now all of my "normal" clothing should fit well again.  Stupid body!

Bye Bye Bonnie

My husband was in a car accident today.  He's okay...just a little shaken up but no worse for the wear.  He got hit by a very young girl driving a mini van she had bought earlier this week.  She made a left-hand turn into my poor old Bonneville.  Poor Bonnie never stood a chance!

The thing that sucks is that my old Bonnie (1997) was actually still in mint shape because I never drive.  It had just over 100 000 km (60 000 miles) on it which is peanuts.  So it was worth a lot more to me as a fully loaded car in mint shape than I will ever get for the "book value" now that it looks like it will be written off.

The good news is that nobody was hurt and the car was fully insured and it was not my husband's fault.  Because it was the young girl's fault (she was turning left) we will be reimbursed fully...but the car is not worth very much money.

The next thing we'll have to do is find a new car (assuming the old one is toast). 

We're thinking of getting a Grand Prix (GXP)...black...fully-loaded....tinted windows.  Sweeeeeeet. :)  Okay it's no Mustang but with the winters the way they are here a Mustang just isn't practical for us right now.  This has to be an "every day" car as well as being sharp looking.  I know they're not going to be making any more Grand Prix cars after 2008 but with GM that just means that the car has been perfected...they always take them off the line when that happens!  The same thing happened with the Bonneville before it too.  I really loved my Bonneville and will miss it alot...bye Bonnie...we had some great times together.  :(

The Bonneville was my third and favourite car.  I hope the fourth one is even better.  So far I've test-driven a Grand Prix and it was very similar...but even more fun to drive because of the handling. :)

I never know what to title these things.

I don't normally accept Facebook friends that I don't know, but yesterday I added a lady from Ireland who I've never met.  She said she wanted to meet people from all over the world and just learn about their cultures.  Seems like a noble passtime...learning about other cultures.  I found myself adding her even though I normally wouldn't do so.  She's a Muslim lady and I think that may actually have been the reason I accepted.  I am curious about other cultures as well.  I don't know any Muslims very well, so I think this will be a nice way to learn about her culture as she learns about mine.

Based on what I know about Muslim culture, she won't be too impressed when she realizes I'm an aspiring tattooist.  Of course it depends how strict a Muslim she is...or how moderate.  What I do know is that she wears a hijab (head scarf) and dark colours to her wrist, so she is probably fairly strict.  She may find me shockingly offensive, but I hope not.  I hope she can see that I'm a very typical North American...and that THAT is okay.

I'll tell you what I've learned so far from this brief cultural exchange.  Women from the Muslim faith seem to be very polite, modest and friendly, but they seem a bit sad...or serious.  I think that the Muslim faith is a very serious faith and maybe that alone is what makes Muslims hard for us to really get to know.  For better or worse, the North American culture uses humour as a way of communicating.  We tend to "joke around a lot" and act very casually with each other...regardless of sex or age or station in life.  I think that this is a bit offensive to stricter members of many religions...even the Catholic faith (which I was raised in) is pretty serious and unfunny when you start getting higher up in the ranks or to more orthodoxed churches. 

I think that all religions are fine as long as they are practiced moderately and do not force their beliefs on others.  That last part is really a tough one for people to abide by, isn't it.  Forcing our beliefs on each other seems to be a favourite human passtime.  Most people who do it don't even realize that they are doing it.  They often proclaim to know better than you or I do.  That is how you can recognize them, by their arrogance.  The human ego is a weird and dangerous thing.  It is actually becoming something of a fascination for me...understanding how people's egos delude them into all kinds of crazy and oppressive behaviours, in the name of a greater good.

It seems that when someone can assign their treachery to a "greater good" like God or Allah, they can't help but then use that greater good as an excuse for horrible behaviour.  I'm thinking about things like the Witch Trials in Salem and the Japanese internment camps of the second world war.  Fear is a bad thing...maybe the worst thing.  Behaviour borne of fear and assigned to a higher good is never just, but is often deadly.  When people behave for "God" or some other greater good, they are willing to do things that they know to be wrong and immoral.  They consider their misdeeds to be somehow justified because they serve an irrational fear that is linked personally to beliefs that are not well thought and are often contradictory.  Yet these normally law-abiding citizens will bomb abortion clinics, picket funerals with hate messages and beat and kill their own offspring because they don't follow their fervent religious dogma.  When asked about it, these people inevitably claim to be doing "God's work".  They say all of this with a straight face without realizing the blatant hypocrisy of hatred they are living.

Yeah, Moderation when it comes to religion is a good thing.  I hope that my new Muslim friend agrees with me.

Rainy Day

It was a rainy day today.  The cleaners came to clean the place, and they were way early.  I hate having to have strangers clean my house.  I wish I didn't have to do it, but MS is a jerk.  Anyway, the cleaners came to clean and woke me up.  Then with all the excitement of the cleaners I didn't take the parrot out until later and so I couldn't work on my painting today (like I had wanted to).

The parrot has to be away in order for me to paint because she likes to "help" me.  So by the time she was away (after spending four hours playing with me) I was too tired to work on my painting.  Now I'm tired and REALLY hungry for some reason.  I have been hungry most of the day...weird.  I'm not usually this hungry.  I think it's PMS.  I'll try to eat something like Arrowroot cookies to tide me over.

My yoga pants arrived today from Victoria's Secret.  I buy basics from them, like t-shirts and tank tops.  I like their yoga pants because they often go on sale for 2/$40, which is pretty good.  The t-shirts I REALLY like because they no longer put tags in the back of the neck of their t-shirts...which is so much more comfy on the skin.  I have shirts I won't wear because the tags bug my sensitive skin...so VS's line of tees really speaks to me.  I also got a black pair of cargo shorts.  The rest of the order is backordered...just more of the same, but in a couple of different colours.  I also got two inexpensive sundresses that I can't wait to try...when they arrive off backorder.  All of the stuff is cotton and very pretty, if not exactly haute cuture!  Like I'm some Versace model! LOL!

Aside from my basics arriving, I also got a package from my husband's friend who is a makeup sales rep for MAC cosmetics.  She sent me a whole pile of makeup based on my skin tone, and photos she'd seen of me.  It was really amazing the things she put together.  She picked out a bunch of neutral tones that I might have avoided if I had been left to my own devices.  I think it's going to be really fun to try all this new makeup out.  I got to finally throw out some old makeup that I had literally had for over 20 years in some cases...yuck!  I really should not have let it all slide for so long, but now it's all been replaced and the old stuff thrown out I think the colour pallette she chose is more mature for me.

Anyway all of this excitement  ;kind of has me all discombobulated today.  It sounds stupid but I feel a little anxious about all of the gifts my husband has bought me.  He's so kind...but sometimes I think he goes too overboard on the gifts. 

So Sweaty

I was outside playing tug-of-war with the dog.  I had just had a shower and went outside to cool off because I was overheating.  Now I'm sweaty from playing with the dog. 

I am a head sweater.  By that I mean that I produce almost no perceptible sweat on my whole body, except for my head...which sweats profusely at even the slightest increase in activity.  My girlfriends could always go on walks on their lunches at work but if I did that I'd ruin my hair for the day from the sweat.  When I used to go clubbing I would literally have a soaking wet head by the end of the night because I'd be dancing on the dance floor and it would literally turn me red-faced and soaked.  Nice visual, eh?

The point is that you'd think that not sweating at all from the armpits and groin would be advantagious, but all it means is that my hair gets ruined immediately when I get warm and my antiperspirant lasts forever!

I have a girlfriend who is the complete opposite...sweats all over but not from her head.  Her pits get these stains...she has real problems with it, but her hair always looks great!  I guess it's always something isn't it!

Sniffle

I have the sniffles.  I think it may be allergies.  Bleh.  If it is allergies, it's mild...so far.  Weird how you can just have a runny nose sometimes. 

Anyway, the weekend is nearly here.  YAY!  My husband is coming home with sushi tonight.  I love sushi and sashimi.  We're going to clean the house up this weekend and maybe have date night...a movie, some candles...nice and romantic.

I've been working on a painting for my dad for father's day.  I made one already for my mom for mom day so it seemed fitting to make one for him.  The painting I did for my mom was of irises, her favourite flower.  I'm now doing my dad's favourite flower, the "Peace" hybrid tea rose.  The roses are a pale yellow/ivory with pinkish red edges.  So far I'm very happy with how the roses are turning out.

I am working with artist's pencils this time.  I love working with them.  I hate the mess and fuss of paint.  I like something I can take out and put away very easily with a minimum of effort and mess.  I figure that it's the most efficient use of my already slight energy.  Rather than spend a bunch of time mixing, applying and then cleaning up paints, I just grab the pencils and go.  I can even colour in bed if I want to!  Try doing that with paints. :) 

What the hell was up with yesterday?

Everyone I know was in a foul mood yesterday...okay not foul, more like morose.  Myself included!  My husband and I were both sad.  We both got bummed out by stupid external influences and allowed ourselves to wallow in it!  That's pretty unusual in itself, but then my father was also feeling sad and lumpy...and wow, it just felt like everyone was in a funk of some kind.

Today I feel much better.  Must be that May air!  Actually in my own case personally it was, and still is PMS.  But my husband's mood was similar to mine and as far as I know, he doesn't get PMS...though it would explain a lot if he did.

My doctor told me that it was perfectly normal to gain two to four pant sizes from water bloat during PMS!  TWO to FOUR pant sizes???  I had explained to him that during my period I went from a size 10 or 12 to a size 14 and he said "Oh yeah, that's completely normal."  Which really bummed me out because I was hoping he'd say I had some crazy amount of water gain and tell me I needed to be on some kind of diuretic!  No such luck...so it turns out that buying my clothing while I have PMS is probably the best way to do things because it means that the clothing will fit me no matter what time of the month it is...but it still bugged me. :P

Really I think that in my case, that was the source of my crusty mood...just the fact that I didn't want to admit I could be a size 14.  It's really not such a bad size, and I look pretty good with the extra boobage...*sigh*  Yeah it pisses me off...even today!

Okay, so time to change the subject and stop obsessing over my own body.  It is what it is.  The good news is that it's now going to be clothed in some fabulous new threads! :)  New clothing rocks and the stuff I got yesterday is beautiful and was on sale.  I love beautiful clothing on sale!  I got two pair of pants that (once back from hemming) will be fantastic with sweaters or t-shirts...anything really.  The jacket will go great with jeans or a skirt and can be worn with a turtleneck or a plunging neckline to show off my new cleavage.  Hey if you have the curves, I say show 'em off...tastefully. :)