Another Pin-Up
02.29.08 (7:58 pm) [edit]I drew another pin-up girl which you can see here. I'm pretty happy with this one.
Feedback
02.28.08 (11:49 am) [edit]The feedback I get here from my drawings is actually some of the best feedback I get. I find it interesting how few people in my own world are willing to just say "Hey nice drawing." It's like saying those words to me would somehow make them feel like their own talents are not as impressive. That's the only reason I can think of that basically the only people who compliment my work are my husband, my husband's mother and my own mother. Complete strangers are more likely to compliment my work than my own friends. Weird.
What's worse is that many of my friends are artists themselves. I've complimented many of them on their work and have made a point of keeping up on what they're doing. I would think that at least one of these people would say "I like your drawing." but none do. I think it speaks volumes about a person's confidence in their own abilities if they can offer a compliment to an artistic peer. I think the problem is that they never knew I was a peer and don't like admitting that I'm one now. Artists tend to have ego issues. I think this is the root of the problem.
I notice that people with either no artistic talent or who are not "serious" about their own talent are capable of giving compliments, but those who consider themselves "artistic" seem to have real issue with just saying "Wow, good job." or really ANY words of encouragement or praise. Nice friends. I won't hold it against them though...I know how hard the ego can demand its due.
I really appreciate the comments I get here...from people who don't know me from a whole in the ground! I just wanted to say that because it really is rare that I get any feedback at all...even negative feedback, which could also be helpful. People are so weird sometimes. *scratches head*
Pin-Up 2
02.27.08 (10:38 pm) [edit]I drew another pin-up girl which can be viewed by clicking here.
Lung Infection
02.27.08 (3:51 pm) [edit]I think I may have pleurisy. My lung hurts. It feels like a running stitch in my side/back but there's no way it's a running stitch. It hurts when I breathe so I have to breathe more shallow. If I move in a certain way I go into spasms of pain. It's probably from another bout of atypical pneumonia. I had that last year at around this time and it was terrible. Nothing you can do about viral pneumonia either except wait it out. Bacterial pneumonia is treatable but viral pneumonia is only treatable when it gets bad...and that requires hospitalization sometimes. Anyway I had atypical pneumonia last year and it went away on its own so I'm going to assume the same will happen this year. Sucks though. I had planned on doing some drawing but we'll see how I feel. It's the movement that creates problems.
Pin-Up Girls and other things
02.26.08 (3:34 pm) [edit]I'm in bed today, as I have been most of the month. I'm enjoying watching the snow from the window. I love snow. I'm hibernating the month of February away. By mid-March I am hoping to start coming out of my winter sleepiness.
Today I woke up at 1:30 and only because the letter carrier rang the bell. I slept from 10:30 pm last night until 6:00 am this morning. Then I was up until 9:30 am at which time I fell back to sleep and slept until 1:30. It's definitely caused by the increase in my sleeping medication. I have been getting too much sleep for a few days now and I keep expecting not to be able to sleep as a result of it, but I keep being able to sleep excessively.
I started reading my exercise book "Mind Over Mood" last night. I was eager to get started but am less eager now that I've read a few chapters. The book is about cognitive behaviour therapy. Basically you have to retrain your mind away from anxiety (is the premise) and you use the isolation of automatic thoughts in the process. The problem for me arises from the fact that the book is dealing with people with emotional problems or mental problems from a phobia or something. I'm just trying to break exaggerated responses that I have to thoughts that cause me stress but I am not able to remove the cause of my anxiety. The book teaches you to isolate your automatic thoughts and generate more positive replacement thoughts. But ultimately the goal is to isolate causes of anxiety and eliminate them. The cause of my anxiety is the boatload of THC I take. I cannot remove it from my life or I'll be in horrible agony. So all the trigger isolation in the world is going to be kind of fruitless if I can't ultimately remove the cause of my anxiety, which is the medication.
I am thinking that I can still benefit from the book but not in the way that they intend. I think I can benefit from the isolation of my automatic thoughts and reprogramming myself. That part I can do. I will retrain my brain away from anxiety so that I can function with less stress but I know that I will continue to have these thoughts as long as I'm on THC. That's the part that bugs me. I expect that I will constantly have a battle against anxiety as long as I'm on THC...which is not really what I wanted to hear.
I got a book of Vargas Girls yesterday. Vargas girls were pin-up girls made famous during the post second world war era. They were painted by Alberto Vargas, the artist. The pictures were beautifully rendered and used for spreads in Playboy magazine and calendars. To me, Vargas girls are the epitome of beauty and I am hoping to learn how to draw pin-up girls of similar style on my own. I will practice by drawing Vargas girls and hopefully one day I will be able to make my own without looking at his.
A few days ago I ran out of clean bras and grabbed the DD bra that I have been keeping for when I grew larger on my boob pills. I wore the bra for a couple of days and then got my D bras back out of the wash. So now my D bra feels tight! I guess comparatively the DD bra would be a bit loose and allow more movement and now that I'm back to wearing the D, I feel a bit snug. I can tell it won't be long before I am in the DD bra and can't wear the D bras anymore.
In the mail today I got the next 13.5 month supply of Bountiful Breast supplement. I have been on it for about ten months now and feel that it's helping me slowly with my MS. I figure it will take years to fix the damage that MS has done, but that I should see some improvements if I stay on it. If I keep growing breast meat as long as I'm on this stuff, it could be embarrassing after five years. I mean I could end up a G or an H or larger if I keep taking this stuff. We'll see what happens. Until it becomes painful I'm going to keep taking these pills. The science behind them is just too excellent to ignore. Besides, there are far worse side effects to be had from drugs that show less promise. I'm good with having a large rack if it means that I can slow or stop my MS and even reverse some of the damage.
I hate February
02.25.08 (1:55 pm) [edit]I love winter. Don't be misled by the title into thinking that I dislike snow or cold weather. The problem with February for me comes not from the cold weather but from months of reduced sunlight. I become a little (a lot) withdrawn from everyone. I call it my hibernation mode. I really do think that humans need a month of hibernation and we just don't realize it. I don't mean full fledged sleeping, I just mean hibernation from other humans and from too much stress.
February sees me wanting to stay in bed, resting and relaxing while other people are always trying to get me to go outdoors and go to events and go to dinners at their houses. It's nice to be appreciated and I'm always flattered that people want to spend time with me, BUT it's a huge pain at this time of year when I'm not in the mood. Quite frankly I've never been THAT sociable. I mean sure I like people but I'm also really good with being on my own so I have no problem being alone for days at a time.
I wish that everyone else went through what I go through in February. My husband goes through it much worse than I do actually. I think that most people actually do go through this natural quiet period during February each year. Maybe it's just that in my family nobody ever seems to have "down time". Everyone is always travelling the world and conquering diseases and stuff! (My family includes a lot of medical and science professionals) Nobody ever "doesn't feel like getting together" with anyone else. They all know their duties and perform them like the perfect kids they are...it can be hard to keep up with, especially with MS.
Grumbly Me
02.22.08 (3:52 pm) [edit]I am kind of grumbly. I don't feel like going anywhere tonight, but we have to go to my in-laws for my mother-in-law's birthday. My mother-in-law is a very nice lady. I'm lucky to be the recipient of one of the "good ones". My husband wasn't as lucky as I was, but he just laughs it off. His mother-in-law can be bit much sometimes!
Anyway tonight we'll have a very nice time. In fact I would be thrilled to go to my in-law's place except that I'm really tired and I don't feel like going anywhere. Actually if my father-in-law wasn't going to be there it would be a pretty perfect night. Let's hope that he's at least sober. How a woman that nice and kind ended up married to such a boorish old fart I'll never know. But I completely understand why my husband's grandmother disliked him so when she was alive.
So if that all goes well I still have to figure out how to get my hair and makeup done in anticipation of all this fun. I'm in bed right now and I guess I'll have to drag my bum out of bed soon. Soooo cozy....warm bed....not wanting to leave...aaaaah! Sometimes it sucks to have to go out. :P
Fish Market
02.21.08 (4:49 pm) [edit]My husband and I love sushi and sashimi. But really it's the sashimi we love most of all. The rice just gets in the way! By the way that's the only difference between sushi and sashimi...one has a little blob of rice under the fish and the other does not. I like sashimi a lot and I seem to crave it a fair bit. It's really expensive to eat sashimi every day from a restaurant, but if you make it yourself it's very inexpensive and you don't need to be bothered with the rice.
We have a Lapointe's fish market nearby and can pick up seasonal "sushi quality" fish from them. The prices are much better and you get so much more for your money. We're going to cut up the fish and serve it with a bit of pickled ginger, soya sauce and some wasabi paste. Mmmm....yummy. And really, what could be easier than cutting up fish that's already cleaned and ready to go.
Doctor Day
02.19.08 (6:23 pm) [edit]I went to the doctor today. I had to get some prescriptions renewed. He told me to get a book to help me break some anxiety patterns that my brain has created recently thanks to taking THC for my MS. I told him I was having some mild anxiety every so often. He said that I should nip it in the bud and suggested a book for helping to reprogram your own mind. It's called "Mind over Mood" and it's a psychological workbook to help you recognize anxiety triggers and stop them from causing the emotional response. He said that not everyone was able to do this type of psychological workbook because they wouldn't understand it, but he said that he thought it would be no probem for me because I'm (according to my doctor) "self-aware and introspective".
The idea is to break mental associations that are caused by thinking about a past event. I have been trying to do this on my own for my arachnophobia, without really having a name for it. I have been slowly desensitizing myself to spiders. I live in a house in a forest with water nearby and lots of trees and bugs. Spiders go with the territory and I refuse to let an irrational fear stop me from living in this gorgeous forest, so I learn to manage the spiders...even the big ones. My doctor hypothesized that if I knew the source of my fear of spiders that I would rationally be able to deconstruct that fear which was constructed so long ago. I suspect that if I could see where my fear of spiders began, and see why they caused me so much stress we'd quickly break down my fear. This workbook is designed to allow you to analyze carefully the things that trigger your anxiety and then defuse those triggers when they occur.
My doctor didn't want to use drugs to combat my anxiety because it's drugs that are causing it! He wants me to stay on the THC (obviously) since it's preventing me from being in absolute agony. Rather than treat the occasional anxiety with drugs, he wants me to derail the anxiety before it happens. Should be fun to learn this technique...I suspect it will be very helpful.
Aside from all of that, he gave me a script for Twinrix Hepatitis A/B vaccine. I will have the needles injected soon by my mother (a registered nurse). Hepatitis is a common concern at tattoo shops and so as someone who will be tattooing people I will be protected from most hepatitis strains...except C. There's apparently no vaccine for that one and it's the BAD one. Guess we'll have to be careful then!
Phoenix
02.17.08 (3:04 pm) [edit]I got more work done on my phoenix tattoo. You can see the work as it stands now by looking here.
Snowing Again
02.15.08 (6:47 pm) [edit]It's snowing outside...I love the snow. It's been snowing almost every day now for about a week. It's been very nice. I think it's bankrupting our city's snow removal budget but to that I have one thing to say: You should have put the money aside from all the other years when we got almost nothing. Come On, this is Ottawa, eventually we get TONS of snow...not every year, but every five to ten years we get a good one...and we were due.
I love the winter. I actually enjoy the quietness of winter...the lack of barbecue parties and social events. I'm a social person but I also really enjoy spending time with my wonderful husband here at home. In the summer it sometimes feels like family and friends eat up your weekends with parties, weddings and long weekend cottage celebrations. Don't get me wrong, I love all those things, but I also love some time and space to myself and winter gives me that.
I would really dislike it if we just got the same weather all year round, it would be boring. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Law is Where It's At
02.15.08 (4:20 pm) [edit]Lately there's been a lot of talk about allowing religion to dictate the laws of the land. From abortion laws to whether women should be allowed to show their faces in public. I think the idea that abortion should be outlawed is ridiculous. It's a medically necessary procedure in some cases that sometimes insures the survival of the mother. Besides the people who preach that abortion should be outlawed are also the ones that usually preach that we need to go over to the middle east and kill all those scary Muslims. Life is sacred only if it's encased in a woman? When it's about LAND or OIL or a DIFFERENT RELIGION then it's okay to kill life I guess. Basically religion wants to control people. They don't care if you kill, as long as you don't let anyone truly have free will. You kill when we tell you it's okay to kill.
The point is that religion should not be in any way used to decide the laws of the land.
Many people confuse "Religion" with "morality". First of all, humans do NOT need to be of a religion to be moral. There's a HUGE misconception that you can't be moral unless somehow you believe in an afterlife and a god of some kind. This is completely incorrect. Morality is a natural human tendency. In fact, religion often creates a bunch of "Rules" to apply rigidly to every situation that allow humans to blindly make blanket judgements often on something as inoccuous as what you eat for food. If you eat pork there are two whole religions out there that think you're evil. Of course the moderate members of those religions know that to be untrue, but I am more interested in extremist views which would see you killed for such blasphemy.
How can any religion justify killing anyone for any reason? I'll tell you how. The rules that religion sets out automatically creates criteria for others to be judged. Of course the religions themselves say things like "Judge not lest ye be judged" but then create a bunch of rules that determine if someone is "good" or "bad". It's hypocritical. On the one hand they say "Don't judge" but on the other hand they say "here's the rules that you need to conform to" thus creating a very CLEARLY defined set of rules by which everyone should judge each other by. Right off the bat the premise is founded in hypocrisy. It only gets worse from there.
Richard Dawkins and others hold the opinion that ALL religions cause problems not because of the moderate membership but because if taken to their extremes, all religions are evil. The moderate members however are in many ways the cause of the extremists. In other words if you didn't have Christians, you wouldn't have those crazy "right-wing" born again Christians. If you didn't have moderate peaceful Muslims, you wouldn't have an environment that would allow the extremists to exist. Basically, religions set out the rules which we are to use to judge whether others are worthy of our respect.
I'm saying that we are ALL worthy of each other's respect and that religions only confuse the matter by trying to tell people that it's not okay for others to be who they are. By being "Christmas and Easter" Christians, we make it okay to be "born again" lunatics because we are in some small way saying that we buy into this mumbo jumbo. Why not just take a step back and look at the way that religion divides people and decide that you know what, I don't support this. Really examine what you are doing by placidly accepting your religion because it's how you were raised or because it's just kind of a habit. The one thing I will say about Born Again Christians is this, they definitely believe the Bible. They definitely want to "save" you. They really do believe everything in the Bible and maybe it's time the rest of the Christians either "shit or get off the pot." I'm betting most will get off the pot if they look closely enough at what they're really supporting.
Religion oppresses women. ALL religions oppress women. That is why they exist. They are designed to control people, especially women and children. Men are usually spared the indignities of religion (except when they're boys) and are instead iusually part of the heirarchy. Basically religion gives moral authority for so many violent crimes against women. ALL religion does this, not just Islam. It's only in the chosen interpretation do the MEN decide if they want to allow that kind of thing. The women get no say in most religions...they are helpers, spectators or bystanders but they are never allowed to lead.
Oh sure the "progressive" interpretations of religions often allow women to lead, but these more moderate churches are actually deviating from the "word" and are often dismissed as "fringe" or "hippie".
Basically what I am saying is that if you interpret the Bible or ANY religious rulebook properly it's a rigid and unforgiving set of rules based on life thousands of years ago. We have a current set of rules that is far superior to this old tome. It's called the body of law that makes up our jurisprudence system.
The one system that is uniform, flexible enough to "hear out" everyone and is based on the combined morals of ALL religions is our system of Laws. LAW should be sacred because it unites us and defines us at our best. It is the huge result of thousands of years of EVOLVING human nature, compiled into fairly easy to interpret volumes for all of us to respect and abide by. The law of the land does not discriminate based on sex, race, creed or any other bias. It is just and insures that women will not be oppressed even if their "culture& quot; believes in something irrational, like the covering of women's faces.
Why is it okay for someone to break the law if they do it in the name of some God? In my book that person is unlawful and disrespects MY faith. My faith is in the law of the land, the rule of the people...ALL people. These rules apply to EVERYONE. You want to judge me? Judge me on how law-abiding I am, not how fervent I appear to be. The only rules that matter are the rules of the whole...the rules of the people for the people BY the people. Sharia Law and Christian Fundamentalist laws can take a big flying leap off the planet as far as I'm concerned. They harm more people than they've EVER helped.
Doe a Deer
02.13.08 (6:00 pm) [edit]We've got seven deer in our back yard right now. They're white-tailed deer....all female. The males feed separately from the females so they don't tend to travel with the herd. It's so nice to see deer, I really am spoiled out here on the edge of the city...the best of both worlds.
Tattoo Planning
02.12.08 (3:17 pm) [edit]So I think I may go ahead with the Mardi Gras arm afterall...as a tattoo. I decided that in black and grey it could make it look even nicer...if it's done right. I'll save the dragon for my calf. No more colour doesn't mean that I can't have nice ink.
I'm not planning to get my whole body covered in tattoos. I have some set ideas of things I'd like and when I get those spaces filled I don't think I'll go back and add to them. Like my phoenix takes up most of my right arm and shoulder, but I won't be trying to squeeze anything more onto that arm. Even though there's some room on the arm at the wrist, I won't come back later and put something else there. I feel it would take away too much from the phoenix. So I consider my right arm complete once my phoenix is done.
The left arm will be for my Mardi Gras theme and then one of my calves will be for an Asian dragon. Aside from the dragon I also would like a gryphon one day on my rib cage and hip. That's pretty much where I think I'll stop.
The reason I want to stop at that point is that I don't want to look "messy". I recently saw a woman's facebook page who had a bunch of really nice tattoos. She goes to a very good tattooist in Montreal. Anyway, this girl's tattoos individually look amazing, but I saw a photo of her in her bikini and the overall effect of all the tattoos lacks cohesion. She looks "messy". I want that when people see me in a bathing suit they think "Wow, that chick looks like walking art!" So I am planning my designs carefully and I am thinking about how the whole picture looks if I'm not wearing much clothing.
That's not to say that the tattoos will not have meaning or only be placed for aesthetics, no...all I mean is that I don't want a bunch of mismatched little images that don't flow. I want each tattoo to have meaning but I also want them all to look good together. I think that by sticking to larger tattoos I'll also be able to prevent myself from achieving that messy look.
Itchy Tattoo
02.11.08 (7:31 pm) [edit]I'm allergic to metal. I got a red/gold/pink/teal tattoo of a phoenix. Apparently red tattoo ink is made with a fair bit of metal. I am allergic to metal. My phoenix is itchy and the red ink is raised. I have one other red tattoo on my body. It's a heart with pins in it. It's on my tailbone. The heart with pins in it also was itchy and had a reaction to the red ink, but I didn't know it was a reaction. I thought it was just the natural healing process was very itchy. The heart healed up fine and looks great. I'm hoping the same will happen with the phoenix. But there will be no more red tattoos for me...red is my favourite colour! D'OH!
This changes slightly my game plan for tattoos. I had planned to get a mardi gras arm. I may not do that now. I was also planning a black and grey dragon. I may go back to that idea as the mardi gras arm would probably involve too much red and yellow (people who are allergic to red are often allergic to yellow). Though it's only the red that's bothering me, they say that a sensitivity to one can mean that even YEARS later the other could cause problems.
Basically if you react to red ink you should seriously consider not getting any colour of any kind in future tattoos. The black ink is not a problem...it's never the culprit when it comes to allergic reactions. So since black is what works, black is what I'll get. Bummer.
In the meantime my phoenix will be all the more special because it will be the only large tattoo I have that will be in colour. I have two smaller coloured tattoos, but they are not very big at all. I figure if I'm getting small tattoos I can maybe risk some colour but on the big ones...now that I know I'm allergic I can't in good conscience get any large colour tattoos. Sucky.
This is a valuable lesson for me as someone who will be giving tattoos. All the research I've done suggests that red tattoo ink allergies are very uncommon but inevitably when someone does get one they always blame the tattoo shop. All the posts online that I've read have been people saying how they got screwed by their tattooist because they used "bad ink".
The truth is that some people react to red inks and the inks themselves are not contaminated or dirty or otherwise "bad"...it's just that the person has a bad reaction to them because of being sensitive to metals. Nevertheless, the tattoo shop gets blamed. So I'm going to make sure that every person who wants a red tattoo does a colour test with me before they get a tattoo. I'll put an asterisk on their bum or something and then let it heal for ten days to make sure they don't react to it. I wish they had done that with me, knowing as they should that red ink can be a problem. If it saves even ONE customer from the itchiness and swelling (nevermind the horrible welts and blisters some people get) it will be worth it. I think my customers will be glad that I cared enough to do it.
Colder than...
02.11.08 (11:55 am) [edit]It's so cold outside. There's an old offensive saying "Colder than a witch's [insert body part here]." I've heard finger, thorax, teat, breath and a few others. The fact is that it is a saying that perpetuates the stereotype of witches being evil and cold.
Witches or Wiccans as they preferred to be called, are not evil. The pentacle is not a sign of the devil and in no way is evil or representative of satan or any other negative connotations like the "evil eye". There are SO many offensive sayings that spring from ignorance that serve to divide humans and misinform them as well. Did you know that the five points on the pentacle stand for the following: Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Spirit. OOooooo....so evil. I can see why it would be a symbol to fear. The fact is that much of the propaganda that the Church has spread about pagans is COMPLETELY incorrect. Pagans are not evil, whether they be Wiccan, Druid or "Neopagan".
Pagans believe in celebrating the feasts of harvest. They believe in equality for both sexes so much that the roles of men and women did not need to be defined by Pagans. Men and women could both own land and lead armies and hunt. There was never any need to tell women their place or to belittle children. Family was absolutely key to their values. Pagans STILL believe these things.
Pagans are not savage. In fact, the Druids were respected by the Christians as being among the most intelligent and learned masters of science, weather, agriculture, healing medicines and arts and literature. Druids were FEARED by Christians because their knowledge and expertise made them seem "God-like". The Christians took to defaming their character through slanderous publications and eventually to killing anyone who was Druid or Wiccan or Pagan by burning them alive or torturing them. Even back then many Christians feared science...and were willing to kill anyone who didn't believe in what they did.
In the modern world, many Pagans will not admit to being Pagan for fear of prosecution even today. Do you know that in the United States adoptions are now being refused to happy, married couples on the grounds that they just happen to be Pagan or Atheist. I am a baptized Catholic and on paper I continue to profess to be so to avoid scrutiny and ridicule. I lie about being Druid because I fear Christians and their judgement. You might think that's cowardly of me to abandon my "faith" when confronted upon it, but that's what makes me different from many Christians. I know my faith is mine no matter what I tell others. I can believe what I want without needing YOU to approve of it or even know about it. My truth is so intrinsic to who I am that I don't need to tell anyone about it. I don't need to convert anyone. I don't need to go to my neighbour's home to tell them about it. I need only to live my life by my principles and be good to others. I don't do this because anyone is watching. I don't do it for fear of "God's" retribution or punishment in my afterlife. I do it because it is in all of us to be good. You don't need a religion to tell you right from wrong...you know what's right and wrong for yourself.
Religion is a set of rules that are rigid and unforgiving. Religion allows people to do things they would not normally do because they can link it to a "higher power" and thus make it seem noble. If I tell you I stole a loaf of bread you'll think I am a thief. If I stole it but said I did it for my starving family you'd think that I was desperate but maybe not a thief. If I tell you that I stole it for God, now I might seem "crazy" but I am now this noble person who loves God and puts God before anything...including the law. Religion circumvents natural common sense thinking because it takes old...very old archaic rules and forces seemingly intelligent people to do irrational things. Don't eat meat on Friday. You can't eat pork. Women shouldn't show their faces. These are all rules that religion sets out.
You're probably thinking "Well you're Pagan, isn't THAT a religion???" Nope. Not the way I think of a religion. Pagans CAN but absolutely don't have to worship any dieties. They don't have to go to a church or other building to "worship" anyone. If a Pagan decides they don't like parts of the Pagan lore, they don't have to believe it and the other Pagans will not judge them for it. In fact, the other Pagans will listen to their ideas and may in fact absorb them into their "faith".
Pagans believe in another realm. They call it different things...Summerworld is one name. Basically it's a lot like heaven except that EVERYONE goes there. You aren't punished or rewarded in this other realm. It's just a different life...much like the one you had here. When you die, some Pagans believe your spirit goes to this other realm and that you are then free to choose your next incarnation.
Pagans often believe in God. They believe in many different variations of God. Wiccans generally believe that God is actually a God/Goddess combination meant to represent ALL life, not just male life. Most Pagans believe in the God/Goddess combination but some of them believe in one God, or in many gods like the Norse. Some Pagans do not believe in God. Everyone respects each other's right to believe in whatever they want.
Pagans take turns saying mass. If the Pagans in question hold any masses or ceremonies, which not all do, they all take turns "leading" the group. That way many different opinions and ideas get thrown around to think about. This also reinforces the idea that there is no one leader of their faith. They are all leaders in their faith.
You often hear of the Catholic Church's new "war on evil" as sponsored by their new draconian Pope. This war is aimed at Pagans specifically. Yet you NEVER hear of the Pagan war on Christianity. That's because there isn't one. After thousands of years of being persecuted, ridiculed and killed for being who we are, we've never retaliated. It's against our nature to do so. Instead, we hide. We tell people we are Christian and they accept us because we seem just like they are. You know why? Because we ARE just like they are.
MS and boob pills
02.10.08 (5:11 pm) [edit]My husband went out to do some shopping at Costco. I'm still in bed with the chest infection but I'm not coughing. That actually has me a bit concerned. When you have a chest infection you're supposed to cough out the gak so your lungs clear up. I haven't been doing that. Every so often I'll cough and it sounds all deep and phlegmmy but I don't clear out anything. Maybe I need to wait a day or two before things start to clear out and I really start to cough.
Yesterday I ordered my next 13.5 month supply of Bountiful Breast. I'm on the last bottle of the last order. Each bottle is enough for 4.5 months and you get three bottles in a 13.5 month supply. I have been on them for exactly nine months now and I must admit that I would never have thought a breast enhancing product would work so well. Of course that's not why I'm taking it (though nobody is complaining about the breast growth). I'm taking the supplement because it causes the body to produce prolactin.
Prolactin causes breasts to grow, much like when you go through puberty. They have also shown that prolactin CURES mice of MS. They have to do some studies to see if it holds true for the human version of MS, but the "mouse model" of MS is a very good one. It is very common for the treatments that help the mouse model of MS to also help human MS. I have taken that information and decided to gamble that if I took prolactin as a supplement that I could cure my own MS eventually.
I had to figure out how to get a "prolactin supplement" so I literally put that into Google and the very first hit I got was for "Bountiful Breast" breast enlarging pills. As crazy as it seemed, this company had already done all the research on how much prolactin a human should take to mimic puberty/pregnancy and had put it into a nice capsule format.
Anyone who's done any research on MS knows that there has always been a correlation between pregnancy and MS remission. Generally speaking when women get pregnant they often get a reprise from their MS symptoms and some women even get BETTER during pregnancy. In combination with the findings about mice, I took this as PROOF that prolactin would help me. I decided to spend the money on the boob pills (what I now call them!)
Over the last nine months, my breasts have gone from a size A/B (sort of in between the two) up to a full D cup...and now I'm almost ready to go to a DD. I will be on this drug for years to come, which is not the intended useage of the drug. The idea is that you take it for a year or two and then your breasts grow up to the size you want. When you stop taking it your breasts come down a little bit in size (maybe a quarter cup size) but the rest remains you. Because of the nature of MS, I expect to be on this drug forever...or at the very least until I feel I'm cured of MS. Even then, I'm never going to want the MS to come back so I may want to stay on it permanently.
Nobody knows how safe this is in the long run because nobody does this...taking prolactin increases your risk of breast and ovarian cancers. Being on it for twenty years or more could have incredibly dangerous risks associated with it. I am doing this because I simply cannot accept that science hasn't cured this disease yet. Everything they "think" will help has to be tested for decades before they'll authorize it for patient use...that is the nature of drug trials.
They are playing with an MS vaccine. They think they can come up with one in another five years or so. If they "cure" MS with a vaccine, that just leaves those of us who have it now to die off and then they can say it's been eradicated like small pox. The problem is that when that happens there won't be the money going into research anymore. There won't be the money going towards finding a way to stop MS in those of us still stuck with it...because our numbers will not be high enough to warrant continued research.
Right now, MS is practically an epidemic in Canada but if they get a vaccine nobody new will get it....and the funding dries up. So I am very much of the mind that I should research the disease for myself and try to fix what I can using what is readily available to me. I also take tons of Vitamin D because they've proven that it prevents MS in people who don't already have it. They haven't been able to show conclusively that it helps if you already have MS but the theory is that it can't hurt and it could help a LOT in the long run.
So I take my Vitamin D in large quantities...much larger than the current "recommended" amount because science is currently in the process of reevaluating Vitamin D. If it's as important as they now think it might be for human health in general, they may take to adding it to food so that we all get enough of it. I also take my Bountiful Breast pills because the prolactin is hopefully going to help me in the long run. It seems to be slowly helping.
I firmly believe that everyone needs to become experts on their own health.
Sushi Night
02.09.08 (6:58 pm) [edit]Tonight my husband is getting sushi and sashimi for supper from the local shop. There's a much better sushi place downtown but it's downtown so it's not as convenient. The place he went to is good, just not AS good...but it will be very yummy. I'm so in the mood for sushi tonight.
I have a chest infection and have been in bed for a day and a half now. I'm hoping it goes away soon. Last year I had walking pneumonia (atypical pneumonia) and was laid up for a week or two. I hope that doesn't happen again. It really sapped me.
I've lost some weight. I didn't weigh myself but I'd guess I've lost five or ten pounds this winter. My clothes are getting loose and my belly is getting much smaller. I'm glad that I may finally ditch the last of the weight I gained when my doctor INSISTED I take antidepressants for my neuropathic pain. The neuropathic pain responded well but I ended up going of the drugs because of a bad reaction that made my throat tighten up. In the six months I was on the drug I gained over 50 pounds. It's taken me a few years to lose the weight but I may now be in the home stretch. If I can get some exercise I'll be a cinch for getting the rest of it off.
Cults and Zealotry
02.09.08 (10:34 am) [edit]The Jehovah's Witnesses were at the door today. It was their lucky day too because my husband answered the door. He's polite to them. I'm not. I tell Jehovah's Witnesses to fuck off. Seriously, they try to shove the Watchtower in my face and I realize who they are and I can't even help myself. I just get furious.
Why? Because they take rules of social engagement that we humans need to form an orderly society and they turn them against us. They want you to be polite. They in fact are counting upon it. They use common "kindness generating" imagery to subdue you. They dress in suits and "sunday best". They bring their kids so you will behave like an adult. They use very polite language to encourage you to do the same. They use tactics to get you to talk about your own beliefs so they can find holes in them.
I don't believe in anything that would qualify as a "religion" and I'm very comfortable with that. I have no problem being polite to complete strangers who come to my door to sell me things. I also have no problem with someone who wants to talk about religion with me. These people are not doing either of those things, they're BULLIES. They use their language to try and get an invitation to come back....for any reason. So I have taken to telling them to fuck off. In fact, I say things that are much worse.
I once told a Jehovah's witness KID if they were my kid I would let them play with their friends and wouldn't make them bother nice people on sunny days. I said it in the nicest and most sincere voice in the world and told the kid that I thought they were special. The kid smiled at me. The parents both stood with their jaws agape. Come back anytime! :) If you're going to come to my door with your kid to brainwash me, I'm going to turn it around and plant new ideas in their minds. Two can play at that game you braying religious lunatics.
Fixed!
02.09.08 (10:09 am) [edit]Well I fixed my sleep pattern. YAY! I went to bed last night at 9 and woke up at 8 this morning, refreshed and ready to take on the day. Of course I have a sore throat or some kind of chest infection but at least I'm awake at a decent time and feel good for the sleep. The cold will go away on its own but at least now I can get up at a normal time and hopefully sleep at a normal time tonight.
Insomniac Schedule Flip
02.08.08 (11:41 am) [edit]Today to try and reset my clock I'm staying up all night/day to get myself to the point where I cannot help but fall asleep tonight. I decided to take a medication I don't often take, but that really keeps me awake...Alertec or Provigil. It's a drug the military uses to keep pilots awake. It works really well...if you're not already super tired from not sleeping all night.
I may or may not be able to do this. I hope I can though because it will mean that I can sleep at say 11 o'clock tonight instead of in the morning. It would make my life a lot simpler. I just have to make it through one whole day without sleep...it's really difficult. Normally right now I'd be making Z's in a large way.
Lack of sleep is one of the big three of no-nos for MS patients. Lack of sleep, too much heat and never feed us after midnight! :)
Blah
02.08.08 (3:13 am) [edit]*snerf* I have a bunch of things on my mind. I don't seem to be able to put them down in writing. Things are actually going pretty well for me despite having MS and being in bed for most of the day. This always happens in February. It doesn't just happen to me either...it's SAD...seasonal affective disorder. It's better known as the February Blahs. I love winter but by this time of year I'm almost incapacitated by my own lethargy! February can sure suck the life out of me...but at least I'm in a pretty good mood. Some people get downright gnarly during February. It's the lack of sunlight. It gets to us all.
So I am in a bit of a February funk and am feeling pretty...blah. I'm having a hard time feeling like talking to anyone or really doing anything. It will soon be replaced with spring fever though, which is much worse.
In the spring, for some reason that science can't quite figure out, MS patients seem to get hyper. Like right now how I'm feelilng lethargic and not really into doing too much, well that will all change when the days get longer. By about mid April most MS patients become pretty energized, which leads to sleep problems and other issues. For reasons they don't understand, a disproportionate number of MS patients are also born in May. There's some connection to the weather in there I'm sure, or maybe the migratory patterns of some seafaring bird...I mean nobody really knows WHAT causes MS so it's pretty much wide open.
My boobs have grown some more. I am now filling up a D cup bra but I suspect that before I go to my tattoo training course I'll be a DD. I already fit into a DD but I don't want to switch until this one is too tight and the underwire digs into my sides. That's how you know the cup size is too small...the wire digs. Currently it doesn't dig, but it is a bit snug. I will be a while in a DD before I fill it out completely though.
I've noticed that the growth in my chest is still moving along at a pretty good pace but my energy levels are still low. The MS isn't being affected too quickly by the prolactin supplements, but I do think they're doing something. I mean I haven't improved in any drastic ways, but I do think that my bowels are much more "normal" than they used to be. That was my latest and most upsetting symptom of MS....I was having problems with a spastic colon. It meant I'd go days without going and then I'd go all at once in one day and be in discomfort. MS seemed to be making things less regular. I had been put on ProDiem daily fibre to try to help. I haven't taken any of my fibre in a month or so. I take it once in a while if I haven't eaten my morning Cheerios, but aside from that I'm much more regular now and without any help it seems. That is the only noticeable change I've seen since taking the prolactin...aside from my boobs getting big...but it's DEFINITELY an improvement. I can't tell you how depressing it was to be literally stuck in the bathroom for hours every few days. I think the improvements will be slow but that with time I may actually improve enough to get my life back. That would be sweet! :)
Deposit is Down
02.06.08 (5:11 pm) [edit]I put a $500 deposit down for my courses in May. My teacher is extremely excited to get me into his classes. He said that my enthusiasm level is excellent and my attitude is really great. He said that based on my drawing skill he knows I'll be good at tattooing once I learn how to use the machines. He said the hardest part for him as a teacher is to make a great tattooist out of a person who has no artistic talent and no inclination towards artistic ability. He said that no matter how technically apt someone might be, if they lack the ability to draw it's almost always an uphill battle.
The good news is that people who are not artistically inclined are not likely to stay in tattooing because they can't keep up. They can only get so good and then it's more a matter of copying other artists' works as oppose to making their own. If you are ever looking for a tattooist, the best thing to ask is to see their ART portfolio, as well as their tattoo portfolio. A true artist will have a collection of drawings or paintings or even photographs to show you to show you how artistic they are. A tattooist that has a portfolio of tattoos but no portfolio of art is a "copyist"...someone who can make a technically good tattoo but isn't artistic themselves. I want to be a "Tattoo Artist" not just a tattooist...if that makes any sense. :)
Thoughts on Stuff
02.04.08 (6:46 pm) [edit]My mind is wandering. I haven't felt like reading in a while. I think that February is catching up with me. I've been drawing every day lately. Today I drew a cobra. I didn't link to it because I'm lazy!
Tomorrow is Mardi Gras. My husband is taking me to dinner at Big Daddy's Crab Shack and Oyster Bar...aka Big Daddy's. The food and atmosphere of the restaurant mimics a New Orleans eatery. It's a fun place to be, although on Mardi Gras, it's sadly very tame and mellow in Big Daddy's. *sigh* I guess you just can't expect to have the fun of Mardi Gras without being there! However, we go there on Mardi Gras because it's the closest thing to New Orleans that I can find in the area. We'll have a wonderful meal, starting with a dozen malpeque oysters on the halfshell. I'll have the seafood creole and my husband will probably have the catfish. We'll finish by sharing a bananas Foster. I love eating there, but the whole thing pales in comparison with actually being in New Orleans.
You'd think that after ten years of not going to Mardi Gras that I'd be used to it by now. You'd think that after only having gone there once I'd go back to my boring old non-Mardi Gras celebrating ways! I think that for some people, some places just get into your blood...you know? New Orleans is a place that I visited once, but it's stayed with me and because I visited the city during Mardi Gras (and fell in love with it) every year at this time I go on my own little mental vacation back there. It's such a different and beautiful old city. It has so much more to offer than just a party, but the party is what it's known for. I will definitely be taking my husband to New Orleans for a vacation sometime but I hope to one day own a shop down there. I'd love to spend the entire Mardi Gras season in New Orleans every year, tattooing people and enjoying the fun.
Emerald Tree Boa
02.04.08 (12:00 am) [edit]I drew an emerald tree boa. I found a great photo of one on the net and then used it as a guide so I could draw an accurate representation of it. The final result can be seen here.
More Mardi Gras Beads!
02.02.08 (10:52 pm) [edit]I did a string of my favourite Mardi Gras beads...the ones with dice! You can see the drawing here. :)
