What a Tiring Day!

Wow we had a tiring day today...it was a really good day, but tiring nonetheless.  We spent the day burning our old Christmas tree and the dead wood off the property.  The branches and trees that have fallen in wind storms are all cleaned up for another year.  We try to burn twice a year...in the spring and in the fall but we missed burning in the spring and so there was quite a pile of wood to burn.  It took a few hours.

Then I had to clean the parrot's cage out.  That didn't take long but it sure was gross!  Anyway the front yard looks much better and now the parrot's cage is nice and clean.  I'm in bed, absolutely exhausted and smelling like smoke!  I should get up and have a bath...and I guess I will in another half hour or so...but I'm just so sleepy!  I hope I don't fall asleep in the tub! :)

Saturday Night

I'm awake as usual.  I'm just surfing around Victoria's Secret and looking at the clothes.  I also will be checking out some other clothing sites, but VS is great for basics...and let's face it, nobody makes bras as cute as they do.  I love their "Daily Tees" collection.  They don't have tags in the neck.  They instead screen print the "tag" or the information a tag would normally have on the inside of the back.  It means that people with sensitive skin (like myself) don't get irritated skin from the tag rubbing.  It also means that there's no tag to stick out the back of the neck at some inopportune moment.  Thumbs up VS.

So that's all I'm up to right now.  Earlier tonight I drew a phoenix in pencil to try and lay out a design for the phoenix I want to get tattooed on my arm.  The problem is that I'm not good at drawing New Skool style tattoos yet.  I'm more realistic in the way that I draw, so the phoenix looks great but it's not really the style I want.  I'm hoping that I can get the tattooist to do a better drawing...or at least one that is more new skool looking.

By "new skool" style, I simply mean a cartoonish style of tattoo that has a graffiti feeling to it.  I want my phoenix to be pink and red and maybe purple.  I want the overall look and feel to match my other tattoos which are new skool in style.

My husband and I are going to get tattooed for our anniversary at the end of the month.  I'm getting a phoenix tattoo and I believe he's going to go with something by Coop.  It's going to be fun to go together. 

Even though we're getting tattooed together, we're not going to get tattoos that have anything to do with our marriage.  That's a sure-fire way to curse your relationship as far as I can see!  We have agreed to never get "couple tattoos", but we want to get tattooed at the same time and on our anniversary because it's really the most personal and most intimate gift we can think of.   Every year we plan to get tattooed.  I have two already (one from last year's anniversary) but this year will be my husband's first tattoo.  I'm so excited for him! :)

Much Better

Well after burning a lot of Nag Champa and doing some Reiki exercises and meditation, I felt a lot better last night.  Then I asked my husband to turn the ringer off the phones, which he did.  I slept for ten hours and completely purged that anxious feeling.  I think that lack of sleep and too many visitors and intrusions over the last week was what led to my anxiety yesterday.  Whatever the cause, it's completely gone today and I'm feeling much more like myself.  *happy sigh of relief*

Have a great Friday! :)

Anxiety

Today has been an anxious day for me.  I don't know why but I feel like I've forgotten something important...but not exactly.  I feel like there's a bunch of loose ends that I should be tying up, but I really don't have any loose ends.  I am not quite sure what is causing my unease other than to say it's "anxiety".  Sometimes excessive anxiety is treated as a disorder, as in the case of agoraphobics.  Sometimes anxiety is actually warranted...I have found that often I don't know why I'm anxious but then I'll end up with a migraine or a sick stomach and realize that my body was trying to tell me that something was wrong.  I don't dismiss anxiety as "just in the head" out of hand because I know that underlying anxiety there are usually triggers that cause it.  Whether the anxiety is excessive or not, the trigger usually is a real and completely understandable stimulus.  Anxiety may be an exaggerated response to the stimulus, but it's still indicative of a problem.  I guess I just wonder what the problem is going to end up being.  In some ways I hope it is just unfounded anxiety, but often it IS founded but just an extreme response.

If I sort through the last couple of days there are a lot of things that could be causing the anxiety I'm experiencing.  One of those things could be the fact that my parents came by to visit this afternoon.  My mom always winds me up a lot.  She likes to get you all frantic about whatever bee is in her bonnet and then send you on your way.  It used to work a lot more on me than it does now...but it still gets me annoyed and well, anxious.  Another possibility could be that my dad was here with my mom and he tends to get me feeling annoyed without even meaning to.  He's a very conservative and sheltered man who has cloistered himself from ethnicities, other cultures and other realities for so long that he can no longer relate to the world in which he lives.  It's sad, but you'd think he'd try to progress...to learn and move forward.  Nope, the modern world of the internet and all of its cultural "pooling" has missed my dad and instead he just watches soft porn "jokes&quo t; on YouTube.  Considering that this is the only "advancement" he's made in decades, it's a bit upsetting for my very conservative mother!  Now she thinks that the only thing to do on the net is surf YouTube for tasteless jokes.  This is probably a large reason for my anxiety...I think I may burn some incense to get rid of the crazy energy they left behind. 

Okay now I'm sitting with some Nag Champa burning and though that does help, I still feel like there's something...you know...something I should be doing...or something that I've done that isn't sitting well.  Grrr...

Anyway, aside from annoying energy and anxiety I'm having a nice day.  I'm feeling a bit better now from the cold.  Also today I got up at 9:00 am so I should be able to sleep much better tonight.  Maybe that's it.  I haven't had more than three hours sleep over the last 24 hours.  Perhaps that's causing anxiety.  Whatever it is, I wish it would stop.  I feel like you do if you drink too much coffee.  I don't drink caffeine at all because of the way it makes me feel (even one cup will do it).

It was warm today, but not too warm...well I suppose it was warmer than it should be for this time of year, but what I mean is that it was nice enough weather to be outside, except there were those "no-seeums" everywhere.  You know those little gnats or whatever they are that cloud around your head and they don't really bite you or anything but they just get in your eyes and mouth if you're not careful...or even if you are careful!  Anyway those were out today, but the weather was pretty nice and we got a bit of rain which we needed.  Maybe the rain is causing anxiety.

I'll let you know if it turns out to be anything at all! :)

Cleaning Day Over...

Well having the cleaning of the house completed was a major relief.  I wasn't able to sleep last night because I knew that someone was coming to the house to clean today.  I get all stressed out about stuff like that now.  I was worried I'd sleep in too late or something.

So the cleaning went well and now I'm pretty tired from all the excitement.  I did however manage to stay out of bed all day today...a first since getting this cold.  I think I'm on the mend now...and that in itself is noteworthy. 

It used to take me weeks to get over a cold because MS seemed to drag out the cold and make it take so much longer.  Also the body aches and pains when I got a cold used to be unbearable.  Of course every cold is different and some just hit me harder than others, but I have noticed that the last two times I have had colds they've only lasted the normal amount of time (a week or so).  It could just be luck, but I like to think that maybe the prolactin is helping me and that this may be another example of me slowly and gradually improving.  That's my hope anyway.

I got a package in the mail today for my husband.  It's his first Winter Solstice (Christmas) gift for this year.  I will store it hidden away so he won't find it.  I have to figure out what else I'm going to get him this year.  He's a big fan of hot rodder stuff...maybe I'll find some of that online. 

It's getting harder and harder for me to buy gifts online.  I used to be able to use eBay but now I find that the interactions are just too complicated and that if I win something on eBay I get so anxious about it that I worry until it arrives at my doorstep.  That pretty much sapped the fun out of eBay for me and now I leave all the eBaying to my husband.  But that means that I have to find the items elsewhere on the net.  That has its own stresses.  Shopping online can be stressful if you don't know if the seller is reputable.  I get anxious now trying to decide if I should trust sellers online.  If it's not a site I am comfortable with I get all weirded out and worry that the item won't arrive.  It's unlike me to have anxiety over this kind of thing...and I must admit that it's taking some of the fun out of online shopping.

There was a study on Medscape that showed that they have absolutely proven a link between MS and stress.  My husband says that my former employer and my former boyfriend (who was abusive) are what caused me to have MS based on what he read.  He said "I believe that you were under so much stress with work and your ex that your body literally started to attack itself and that work and your boyfriend were the trigger that kicked MS into action."  I don't know if that's true or not, but I can tell you that stress definitely adversely affects MS....anyone who has MS will tell you that conclusively.  What sucks is that as the disease progresses, I notice that I can handle less and less stress (especially the kind from human interaction) and my threshold gets thinner and thinner.  I hope that I can reverse this feeling with the prolactin supplements.  If not, I fear I will become agoraphobic.

They Got it Clean

Well the new cleaning service came today and wow...the place is so clean now!  I love it.  I've been struggling with the mess in this place and it's the one area where my husband just isn't able to keep up...my cleanliness! 

It's funny because they say that in order for a marriage to be perfect there needs to be a small annoyance that the couple can bicker about to create a little excitement and thus keep them interested in each other.  For our marriage that annoyance is cleaning.  I am a bit of a clean freak.  I can stand a bit of mess, but anything too much and I start to feel like the walls are closing in on me.  My husband is a messy person.  And the worst part is that he doesn't think he's messy, he thinks I'm incredibly picky.  I can't get him to see that when we go to other people's homes that they are as clean as what I want our house to be...the way our house USED to be when I lived here by myself.  It's an ongoing battle because he thinks the place looks "great".  Meanwhile the cleaning service we hired told me that our house was "a real challenge" because it's that messy!

If I could just get him to abandon all of his ideas of what he grew up with as being "clean" we'd be in a much better position.  I mean if he were just neutral on the whole thing it wouldn't be nearly as difficult.  But he actually thinks he's a clean person when he absolutely isn't.  So I have my work cut out for me because even though this cleaning service may actually have saved our marriage from any future blow-ups, he doesn't see the value in the money spent on cleaning.  His attitude is "We can clean up after ourselves."  But we DON'T!  That's the part I'm trying to get him to understand.  I hope he sees how big an improvement this is as we have them back.  Basically I've told him that I'll get rid of him before I'll get rid of the cleaning service!  I think he's resigned himself to it but that doesn't mean he likes it. 

I can write off the cleaning service as a medical expense because I can't clean the house on my own and my doctor has said he'll back me up on that.  It still costs money to have the service, but if I write it off it helps us out a lot at tax time.

Ultimately I think that my husband will see a huge difference in how few arguments we have over cleaning and picking up after ourselves now that we have a cleaning service but I think it's going to take him a while before he really appreciates the freedom it gives him to not spend his weekends cleaning this place as per my instructions! :)

Weird Formatting?

Ever log into TBlog and see all the fonts in weird sizes?  Like everything suddenly got huge in the font department?  It's weird.  It happens all the time when I log in.  I assume it's some weird thing that I'm doing.  Anyway, it always throws me off when it happens.

I'm out of bed!  I am not spending the whole day in bed today because I seem to be feeling a little more energetic today.  Now having said that, I do plan to go to bed soon, but I've been out of bed all day...that's a big improvement.  The cold has me still feeling tired, but at least I was able to get up and on with the day.  We're in for some rain soon and I'm hoping I don't get a migraine as the cherry on top of the cold.

All of the soup and yoghourt (and nothing else) that I've been eating has led me to lose weight on my tummy.  Also I believe that my tummy is being removed to make boobs.  Seriously, the website for Bountiful Breasts says that in some women they notice weight loss in conjunction with breast increase because the body literally is using the fat stores that are readily available to make new breast flesh.  I notice that many of my fleece jackets are more snug across the chest than they have ever been...but my belly isn't nearly as prominent as it was.  My husband ran his hand across my belly last night and said "Hey, where are you disappearing to?"  I moved his hand up higher and said "here". :)

Huff.

I'm huffing because I'm bored.  It's the middle of the night and I'm not even a little sleepy yet.  This happens fairly often.  No biggie.  I just have to ride through the night entertaining myself with various shopping sites until I get tired.  Online shopping rocks. :)

Okay so I'm bored but I had a pretty good day.  I'm sick with a cold but I think the cold may actually be improving...or getting worse, it's hard to tell sometimes with all the crazy MS fatigue I get.  But today I didn't feel as sleepy all day.  I still spent the day in bed but I didn't feel as sluggish or congested.  We'll see how it goes, but I'm optimistic that things may be on the mend.  Woo!

I've been eating nothing but chicken soup and yoghurt since getting sick.  As a result I'm losing some weight.  My tummy is getting smaller.  I think the hoodia gordoni is also contributing to the weight loss.  It's subtle but it does seem to get rid of those hunger pangs.  Take it when you're hungry and you don't feel hungry anymore.  That's been my experience anyway.

Well I think I'm going to go shopping for some Hello Kitty stuff...and some Ruby Gloom wear.  A little goth cuteness for fun! :)

Smiles!

Okay I'm not as crusty as I was yesterday, despite saying I was in a good mood!  I was in a good mood just annoyed.  Anyway did you see the newest episode of Family Guy?  It was the Star Wars episode and oh man it was hilarious.  It was seriously the best Family Guy and the best Star Wars spoof I've seen.  Good times!  I have no idea if it was censored though because I have no old rerun to refer to.  I hope I did indeed get to see it in its fullness because it was hilarious.

So the cold has knocked the crap out of me.  I'll be fine though, just tired and whiney. :)  I spend so much time in bed when I'm sick.  I don't do anything and I bring the parrot and the dog into my bedroom with me to hang out in the dark!  They don't seem to mind; they seem to realize I'm not well and just keep chill.  The parrot especially seems to know when I'm sick.  She lays way off me when I'm ill.  Normally she's very demanding and high-maintenance but she becomes a real sweetie when I'm sick.  She likes to sit on the pillow next to me and watch me blog in bed!

Sore Froaty

My throat is sore.  The cold is getting worse.  I'm in bed, in the dark because I've also got a migraine again.  Despite all that I'm still in a pretty good mood.

I like watching Family Guy.  I've noticed that Global TV now censors the episodes before they air them and they add a whole crapload of warnings about decency and unacceptability for youngsters.  I guess Global TV must just re-broadcast the Fox feed so I guess I have Fox TV to blame.  Ironic when you consider that Family Guy is made by Fox TV.  Family Guy USED to air on Teletoon here in Canada but now they've removed it.  So the only way for me to now see Family Guy uncensored is if I watch the DVD's.  That really pisses me off.  I like the jokes in Family Guy and I like the horribly distasteful humour.  When I watch Family Guy, that is what I EXPECT.  I really want to scream about how PC lunatics are ruining the world for all of us.

I can't even begin that rant.  Seriously it makes my blood boil so badly when I see stuff like this that I wonder what the hell is wrong with everyone.  You know what.  Humans are just humans.  We swear, we fuck, we drink and shit.  TV should represent the morals and norms of society and not be censored to meet the prudish needs of the few.  If you don't want your kids watching Family Guy then fucking well tell them not to.  If you think that seeing someone swear or make a lude joke about a dead hooker is going to suddenly turn your children evil, you're a fucking uneducated moron.  The only way to teach your children values is by example.  Some animated cartoon is not going to teach them the meaning of life and nor is it going to teach them anything they haven't already heard in a school yard or other public venue. 

I just really want PC right-wing lunatics to stop fucking with my TV shows.  I liked them when they were funny...now they don't even make sense.  Stupid puritanical, repressed fucking morons.  Guess it's hard to tell I'm in a good mood isn't it! :)  Sorry...I just get annoyed. :)

Dentist

Well I went to the dentist today.  It seems my Sonicare toothbrush isn't all it's cracked up to be!  He said that it was doing a great job on the teeth I could reach, but those I can't reach as well are getting missed and as a result they want me to use two different toothbrushes to get the maximum benefits.  I'm going to continue to use the Sonicare at night and then go with the Oral B electric spin brush in the morning.  I also have to get a waterpik to floss my teeth.  They said that my teeth were too close together to floss and that a waterpik would be the only way I could manage without tiring myself out completely every day.  Time to research Waterpiks.

Aside from having my teeth cleaned I spent the rest of the day in bed again.  The cold makes me pretty lazy and then I also force myself to stay in bed when I'm sick so that I get over it quickly.  So today I just hung out with the dog and relaxed.  My mom wanted to come by and visit and I told her no.  She was a little bent out of shape but she'll get over it.  Usually she's pretty good at understanding when I'm not well enough to do something, but every so often I can tell that she gets annoyed with me.  Oh well, she'll get over it.

My husband just came home with more chicken pho for me to eat.  I have to get out of bed!  :)

Chicken Pho for a Cold

You've heard of chicken soup for a cold.  Well tonight I had chicken pho (Vietnamese Soup) and it was every bit as good as my mom's homemade chicken soup for clearing out my sinuses.  Something about hot chicken broth that just works so well on a cold.  I ate half the container of soup and will have the other half tomorrow.  It's so cheap and it tastes so good...but not too spicy.  It's spiced with ginger, cinnamon, cardamom and caraway.  It's got no garlic in it, which really works for me.  Garlic doesn't sit well in my tummy so I avoid it if I can when I am not feeling well. 

I was able to add the noodles, chicken and bean sprouts and just the right amount of lime juice...here's a tip, if you want to make a delicious soup, take a regular homemade chicken soup recipe and right before you serve it, garnish it with lime juice, freshly chopped cilantro and some avocado slices.  It'll be the best chicken soup you ever tried!  It's a Mexican gourmet recipe my cousin makes and it's just wonderful.  It's just a normal chicken soup but with the garnishes, it just tastes so fresh and delicious.  I once ate three bowls of the stuff at my cousin's place!

I Give Up

When I have a cold I don't try to fight it at all.  I mean I used to fight colds with all my might...ignored that I even had them and just pushed through.  For years I didn't even get sick.  Once I got MS all of that changed.  Now when I get a cold, I just totally and completely give into it!  I give up...and let the cold run rampant.

I stay in bed when I have a cold.  Even though I can get up and would get up if required, I basically stay in bed to keep warm and because I figure that staying in bed is what we should do when we get a cold, especially if we already have a disease and this cold is only going to make things worse.  I stay sick for weeks with a cold and so I don't usually spend the entire time in bed, but the worst part of the cold I now totally and completely embrace by becoming a sloth!

What I realized a long time ago is that if I don't take care of myself and demand rest nobody else will demand it for me.  Everyone is happy to have me "push myself" and just deal with the cold.  However, if I say "Sorry I can't make it because I have a cold." people are very understanding.  So what I've realized is that a cold is your body's way of telling you to stop, rest and recharge your batteries.  If you don't do that, you risk further illness. 

People really have this insane urge to push on when they're sick (risking infection of all their coworkers I might add) feeling like they're involved in their own personal sacrificial heroism.  They feel this drive to be "that person"...the one that comes in and saves the day because they came in even though they were running a fever and coughing constantly.  I'm saying that it's that exact mentality that I believe leads to diseases that chew away on the brain.  I believe that if people were just sick and at home when they were ill that they'd live a longer life in the end because they allowed themselves to be sick and to have a break for their body.  I think it's healthier to spend a week in bed with a cold than it is to just go to work and push on.  I believe that when we ignore illness, we absorb it into our bodies and it eats away at us.

So that's my rant about taking care of yourself!  Basically the way I roll with illness now is to just go to bed and wallow in it until it's gone...and then get on with life.  I think it allows us to be that sick kid home from school that we all need to be some days.  We indulge our inner id and wallow in self-comfort until the illness is gone and then we resume life, stronger for the experience.  That's my theory anyway.  I take a lot of THC. :)

School Must be Back in Session

A-Choo!  I have a cold.  This happens every year when the schools go back in session.  I guess all the people back together again in close quarters is a great way to spread illness.  I never leave the house for the most part, but my husband and anyone I do see are in constant contact with people.  He brings home the colds or is a carrier of the virus and I get every single one he comes in contact with, it seems.  I get colds from my mom too.  She is always out and about...picking up colds as she goes.  So it's pretty inevitable every fall.  I get a cold as the kids all go back to school.  I used to get one when I was IN school too...just went with the territory.

So my prolactin experiment is still going well.  I'm taking "Bountiful Breasts" bovine ovary supplement to help my body make prolactin...which is supposed to fix MS damage according to recent studies in mice.  Anyway, I tend to guage how much prolactin is being made by how big my breasts grow.  I'm very close to switching from a B cup bra to a C cup bra, I just need to grow a little bit more and I will make the switch.  Having said that, I am noticing the growth weekly now.  I notice the increase every week or two and so it's very exciting for me because I not only am getting an increase in breast size, I'm feeling more energetic too!

The energy increase has been more subtle than the breast increase.  I'm sure that the prolactin's beneficial effects on MS take a lot longer to show than the breast growth because the lesions do not heal as easily as breasts grow.  I have been diagnosed since 2001 and so I've had years of damage from MS to counteract.  It won't happen overnight, but I have noticed and others have commented that I'm feeling much more energetic than I used to feel.  I still get migraines and I still feel "foggy" from either the medications I take or the MS itself, but many people have said that I seem more like my old self.

I will say that so far I'm still feeling tired, a bit foggy and physically weak.  I still have balance problems and I still get exhausted trying to do even small chores like sweeping.  BUT my mind feels more alert, more "snappy" and I find my wit is sharper.  I have enthusiasm and I seem to be able to do more with less difficulty...not endurance-wise but just coordination-wise.  I feel less clumsy and more nimble.  It's going to be a while I think before I can say that it's actually improving my physical strength or that it's helping me get my balance back, but I do think those things will happen eventually.

For those that wonder about the breast growth part, I do actually fit into a C cup but the B cup still looks nicer because I'm getting more full inside of it.  So for cleavage, I go for the B cup.  In a few weeks I will be changing to a C cup. 

Last night I had a bath and I was looking at my profile in the mirror.  I used to have a bit of a slope to the top of my breast where it had sagged down a little from losing weight and aging.  I noticed last night that the slope has been removed and the breast now sits much fuller and doesn't look saggy like it used to in that area.  It is sitting a little higher up or at least that's the illusion it creates.  It really is making my breasts look younger as well as fuller.  I have to admit that it really is a noticeable improvement and that's after only three months or so.  I can't imagine what they'll look like after a year but I think it's safe to assume that they'll be at least a full C.

Sunday Mellow

Saturday

Today was pretty mellow.  I have yet another migraine.  This one is not as bad as some, but it's still there and it's still interfering with my day.

Tomorrow, my husband and I have to clean out the office.  It's going to be an all-day event but when it's done we'll be able to once again move around in there.  Ugh.

I have the heating pad over my abdomen tonight.  I have really bad cramps from my period.  Every month I get pretty bad cramping and PMS but this month the cramping is pretty intense...not THAT much worse than usual, but pretty bad.  I find a heating pad works a lot better than taking pain killers for cramps.  If it persists at bedtime though I'll have to take something...can't sleep with the heating pad on, or at least I shouldn't sleep with it on...too dangerous.

Well that's all from me today.  Hope your day is going well.

Shopping Spree

Went shopping with my mom today.  That was fun.  I got a bunch of cards for upcoming events and I got a new coat for winter.  I actually ordered the coat, it was in another store in Alberta so it has to be brought in (that will take a week).  I got a great deal on it though and I believe I'll finally be warm this winter.  I was looking for a sheepskin coat that was full length and a dark colour so it wouldn't show dirt like my tan coloured short sheepskin.  Sheepskins are the only coat that seem to be warm enough (aside from actual fur) to keep me from having a seizure when I go out in the cold in the winter.  Even at that I'll still have to wear something over my head like a wool pashmina or something to keep my head warm.  It's crazy. 

Anyway, good deal on the coat, it was half price at Danier.  They're clearing out last year's stock of sheepskins.  If you're in the market for a warm coat and don't mind last year's styles, it's a much more economical way to purchase a shearling coat.  If you buy them new in their current year you'll pay about $900 for one.  I got mine for $400.  It's still an expensive coat, but it's more in line with what I'm willing to pay for a full length coat that will keep me warm all winter.  I've paid that much for a wool coat, so I think it's a good price.

Speaking of wool coats, last year I got a Calvin Klein 100% camelhair coat, fully lined with silk for $100 brand new off eBay.  It still had the tags on it.  It fits perfectly and is probably the nicest coat I've ever owned.  That was one of those "Wow" finds on eBay.  It was poorly listed and just slipped by the radar of most people.  The exact same model of coat was for sale at Bloomingdale's for $1200 the year before and the tags reflected the "sale"  price of $899.  It said it was from Bergdorf-Goodma n. 

So okay this coat isn't quite the same "steal" that the Calvin coat was, but I'm looking for warmth, and for $400 you're not going to get a much warmer coat.  I've looked.  Even on eBay!

Sorry to indulge my inner shopaholic on you, but I was really happy and just wanted to share.  I know that not everyone has the luxury of buying an expensive, warm winter coat, and so I hesitate to gush too much about it...but I just really was excited! :)  My gue ss is that there people out there spending a lot more on a lot less this winter but I don't like to waste.  I also don't like to be that jerk that goes around bragging about what a wonderfully expensive thing I just bought.  I just can't wait to be warm! :)

What's with the Migraines?

I have another migraine today.  I assume the weather is going wonky again.  It's been pretty bad this week.  I went off Verapamil and I think that's not helping either.

Verapamil was being given to me, ironically enough for my migraines, but it has an unfortunate side effect of causing heart problems.  I weaned myself off it and am no longer taking it, but now I have the backlash of increased headaches.  I expect my Nabilone (THC) intake will go up as a result.  As much as I hate to admit it though, I'd rather live a long life with the migraines than die with a bad heart at a premature age.  I guess I'm just greedy that way! :)  I want to live as long as I can.  So no more Verapamil.  Just as well too because I've been on it since I was diagnosed with MS in 2001.  It's been accumulating in my system for a long time...I'll be glad to be free of it.

That will bring me down to a very small number of prescriptions that I'll be taking on a regular basis.  I have some "occasional use" drugs that I take sometimes, but now I'm only on two prescriptions that I have to take daily.  One of those prescriptions is to help me sleep at night and the other one is THC...the main ingredient in cannabis or pot.  I still have morphine prescriptions and various occasional use things that I have to take once in a while, but as of this point, THC is the only daily medication that I take to treat my MS at all....oh and the prolactin supplements that I take on my own.  Aside from that I take vitamin D by the shovel load (3000 IU per day) and B12 and I take Lutein supplements to help my skin stay elastic as I age.  I also take milk thistle to help my liver deal with all the THC.  I'd like to eventually get off the sleep aid drug, but it's non-addictive (Trazodone) so I'm not as worried about it just yet.  I'm sure they'll find it damages the heart too someday!

So yesterday my husband got a package in the mail.  It was a pair of jeans for me!  He has been watching eBay for me for a pair of LAMB "Norma Jeans" from Gwen Stefani.  They don't sell them on the LAMB clothing site anymore...but even if they did, her site won't ship to Canada for some stupid reason.  So because they won't ship to Canada I was unable to buy them from there.  My husband watched eBay silently for me for months...long after I had forgotten about the pants.  Then yesterday he says "I have something for you but I don't know if I should save it until Christmas!"  I told him to save them as a Christmas gift for me.  He insisted I take them.  They're totally awesome...and so is my husband!

Hoodia Gordoni

Facebook is Weird...continued.

Today I got a friend request from a girl who HATED me in middle school.  Facebook is weird.  I talked to the girl and she's just the nicest person ever now.  She's completely changed.  Weird.  Last time I saw her she was doing smack with a needle and spoon.  I guess she's over that too.  She's a buddhist now, which must be helping ground and centre her.  Good for her!  I have no idea who will add me next, but it's getting to be fun...like watching facets of your entire life come together in one tidy little place.  Still...weird.  She's the one person I thought would never add me.

Someone to Clean

My husband and I may have found a cleaning service!  She's coming over tonight for an interview.  We are hopeful that this will be the one.

We've been trying to hire a cleaning person for over a year now to help us with the housework.  We have simply been completely unable to find one.  It's hard to believe but I guess nobody wants to clean anymore!  I think it has to do with a healthy economy.  There are very few people that want to clean because they can make better money doing something less back-breaking.  For whatever reasons, this woman does cleaning and she has a team that works for her as well.  Apparently she's been able to come up with a business model that actually profits from cleaning people's homes.  She's not cheap though!

With MS I haven't been able to clean properly in a few years.  My husband is always willing to help but unfortuntely he's not the clean freak, I am!  He's actually pretty messy and so he doesn't "see" the same mess that I do.  I mean if I ask him to clean he will, but I'd be asking him to clean constantly if I was to keep the place the way I used to keep it.  I don't want to ask him to clean during his only time off.  So the house stays..."imperfect" all the time! 

If we can get a cleaning person every two weeks it will free up my husband and I so much that I think it will be the end of any "discussions" that we might have over this subject! :)  I can't wait!

On to other news.  Facebook seems to be cracking under the pressure of their own growth!  They're so huge and so busy and so popular that sometimes it's really hard to get on.  I blame all those little applications.  I actually HATE those applications.  I mean I like the ones I have chosen to use, but the ones I keep getting invitations for...ugh.  I hate application invites!  You want to annoy your friends?  Invite them to use an application they don't already have!  They may do it, but they're not happy about it.  I have so many of those little things that I have started removing the boxes from my profile.  I keep the application installed but I remove the box.

I'm now reading a new book.  I finished my Japanese Suikoden book.  It was really excellent.  It is also a fantastic reference book for when I'm a tattooist.  The art work contained within the book is essential to being able to make traditional Japanese tattoos.  Anyway, I finished that and now I'm on to a book about Reiki.  I have always had an interest in Reiki and I bought this book months ago but never got around to reading it because the MS fog took my reading ability away for a while.  Now that I'm reading again I'm trying to alternate between tattoo books and spiritual healing books.  I feel that learning the two simultaneously will be more harmonious somehow!

So I'm reading about Reiki healing.  I would love to be able to do Reiki healings while tattooing.  I would hopefully be able to help my clients heal quicker and feel less pain.  I like to think of it as "hollistic tattooing". :)  I wouldn't advertise them as Reiki tattoos, but I would just incorporate some of the healing techniques into my tattooing techniques.  I would hope that over time people might notice that my tattoos heal a bit better or faster or that they don't hurt as much as others...or maybe there will be no noticeable improvement but it will make ME feel better!  I like the idea of believing that I'm not hurting people as much! :)

I find that once I read a book about tattooing I like to let it settle into my brain.  I find that books I read in quick succession tend to blend together.  I figure that I can use that to my advantage by blending books about tattooing with books about healing.  But more than that, I find that between each book I need a break from the subject matter so I can better absorb it.  I have read that the best way for a student to learn is in little bits and pieces, broken up by other subjects.  It allows the mind to play with the ideas presented and think of them in different contexts.  It's great to learn music, but if you learn music broken up by learning French, well that's a better way to learn both music AND French.  So I'd like to learn guitar, Reiki and tattooing!  I think that learning them all together will be more beneficial.  I don't have a guitar yet, but I can read about how to play (I bought a book on that too!) and then when I get a guitar it should be easier.  The idea is that if I learn tattooing and music and Reiki healing that I should be able to find "music" in tattooing, "art" in healing, and "healing" in music. 

Remember that I take a lot of medications when you read my posts! :)

Facebook

Hey, your account is temporarily unavailable due to site maintenance. It should be available again within a few hours. We apologize for the inconvenience.

This is a very common message on Facebook at night.  Too much for them I think.

Better

Well I feel better now.  It rained.  I still have a migraine, but it's on the downside...which is the best side of a migraine! :)  How it usually goes with me is that the migraine kicks in up to a day before a huge change in barometric pressure.  The pressure builds and builds making my head feel like it's going to explode.  Then the rain comes and so usually does the pounding headache.  The migraine lasts until the weather clears out but it's never as bad as right before the rain hits.  So even though I don't feel great, I feel much better. :)

So I meant to update my blog on the new bra I got!  I got a C cup bra in the mail last week from Victoria's Secret, but in all the excitement of my mom being here I forgot to even look at it or try it on or anything.  Then I got distracted with the party and forgot some more!  So on Sunday I tried on my bra.  It fits me now like my B cup bra used to fit me!  It's almost a snug fit...just a little bit of a gap at the top of the bra.  Fortunately the B cup bra still fits well so I don't need to change yet.  But I'm getting close.  It took me less than three months to go from an A/B cup to a B/C cup.  I have no idea how much larger my breasts will grow as I'm not actually trying to grow them.

The bottle insert for Bountiful Breasts suggests that you take protein shakes to help you grow boobs.  I can see how this would help make flesh, which is what prolactin causes your body to do...grow breast flesh.  However, I'm taking prolactin as an experiment because medical evidence shows that prolactin given to mice with "MS" seemed to repair the damage the MS lesions had caused.  I'm not as interested in the boob growth part.  I'm interested in "fixing" the damage MS has done to my brain.

However, I say I'm not AS interested, I'm still interested in the boob growth part!  I'm not trying to provoke it, but hey if it's going to do it without the protein shakes, who am I to question it!  I really am impressed that I've gone so quickly from what I felt were small breasts to large round boobs.  I no longer have little "crab apples" I am almost at full oranges now! :)  I hugged my girlfriend the last time we were out for dinner together and she even noticed!  She said "NOW I WANT SOME!"

If you look at the website for Bountiful Breasts, you can view the gallery.  There's a woman there in the gallery wearing a white bikini with aqua green piping across it.  Her chest looks exactly the same as mine did and does.  The difference she is showing is the same as the difference I see.

The problem for me becomes a theoretical one.  If prolactin helps me but it only helps me if I'm taking it and I have to keep taking it forever, just how big will my boobs grow?  Is there a limit where the body says "Okay I know you have much more prolactin that I could use to make boobs, but this is good." or do they just keep growing?  I guess at this point there isn't too much to worry about, but what happens if I start to look silly?  I mean I haven't really thought about what five years on the stuff might look like.  At any rate, I figure that it's worth the risk if it allows me to keep mobile.

I hate to encourage people to be superficial...I mean nobody should care about boob size right?  But people DO care and for some women it's a real self-esteem issue.  For those who would consider implants, I would suggest this might be a better way to go...no surgery.  At the end of my experiment, whatever boobs I have will be all made of me.  There will be no bag of silicone or saline to manage as I age or to have replaced every ten years.  But I would never have taken this drug if I didn't have MS.  The increased risk of breast and ovarian cancers makes the prolactin a dangerous choice as well, but from where I'm sitting it's still better than surgery...if you must have bigger boobs.

Meh...

Afterburn

The meal went well with my cousin and her husband.  We had wonderful company and enjoyed ourselves tremendously.  I overcooked the chicken and so mine was a little dry, but the others were a little less dry looking.  I hope they were okay.  Even if the chicken was a bit dry the rest of the meal was fantastic.  The lemon-raspberry cheesecake turned out perfectly and they even took home some leftovers of that.  I like knowing that they enjoyed the rest of the meal, even if the chicken was a bit dry.

Today I'm spending the day with my parrot as my husband runs some errands.  He has some parts for his truck he wants to pick up and a few other stops.  Then he's coming home to play Xbox! 

He had a bit too much to drink last night and put one of my non-stick cooking pans in the dishwasher.  It's the anodized aluminum finish that I was worried about but it seems to have survived intact.  The last time one of my anodized almuminum pans got into the dishwasher it eventually was ruined because it takes a thin layer of the finish off.  He has these momentary lapses of reason fairly often and I wonder if the stress at work is getting to him.  Needless to say I wasn't exactly thrilled to find my very expensive pan in the dishwasher, but my husband sounded even more surprised than I was to learn it had been put through.  I wonder sometimes about his brain.  He sure forgets a lot of things.  He once forgot to plug in our deep freezer full of meat after unplugging it.  I can't even tell you how scary that smell was.  The man is one of those "absent-minded professor" types...a pure genius in some rights and absolutely the most forgetful person I've ever met! LOL!

Finally a Reasonably Quiet Day

It's been a busy few days for me this week.  Today is the first "quiet" day I've had because I haven't had to go anywhere.  Of course the phone rang and the doorbell rang so it's been a busy day that way.  But for me it's been a day without having to go anywhere.  I was really tired from all the activity after last night.  We worked on a cheesecake (my husband and I) for the weekend.  Having a day where I can just stay in and relax a little is a big help.

Actually speaking of the cheesecake, it turned out really well.  It's a raspberry/lemon cheesecake made with real lemon and real raspberries.  I used the zest of a full lemon and juice of half a lemon along with some raspberry food flavouring and some frozen raspberries (they were all out of fresh).  I made a sauce out of frozen raspberries, sugar, Limoncello and cornstarch.  I thickened it down and now it's a nice thick topping for the cake.  People can add their own sauce but I'll drizzle a little on the plate I serve them.  Mmmm.

So we've had a busy few days and tonight we have to continue cleaning and getting the place ready for company.  It'll be fun though once they get here.  I know we'll enjoy ourselves and the whole thing will be really easy because all the preparations will mean that on the actual day there's going to be almost nothing to do except assemble the salad and cook the chicken.

So Tired

Today I went to Costco with my mom to shop for a few items for the weekend.  They didn't have any squishy mozzarella cheese so I decided to change the salad recipe while I was standing there wondering how they always manage to run out of the one thing you need when you need it!  So the salad for the weekend's meal will be slightly different than I had planned, but that's okay.  It's a "Parisian" mixed bag instead of an Italian mixed bag.  This salad has dried cranberries in it, which I hope will go with the other ingredients, namely the tomatoes.  It's pointless to worry about it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the salad isn't going to be as great as I had hoped.  Instead of cheese I'm going to sprinkle the salad with pine nuts.  It will be a green salad with some pasta and tomatoes and asparagus, but the cranberries are all mixed in so I hope they aren't too noticeable.  Pine nuts on top should make it have a nice crunchy texture which will be great, but it's not going to be as Italian feeling...more just a nice green salad that for some reason has cranberries in it!  I wonder if I should keep out the tomatoes and just go with the pine nuts, cranberries and asparagus.  Meh, whatever.  It's salad...I'm sure it will be fine!

Anyway all that shopping at Costco has me completely exhausted.  I went shopping yesterday and had lunch with my mom and now today to go out shopping yet again...well let's just say that's a little more excitement than I'm used to.  I'm beat.  I have no idea what we're going to eat for supper either.  Last night we had Pho, but I don't know what we'll have tonight...maybe some asparagus.  I kind of went a little nuts and got a huge bunch of asparagus for the salad.  We're going to have tons leftover.  I should cook some of that up for supper...if I could just get myself out of bed! :)

My arms have been really sore for the last couple of days.  I probably have some kind of repetitive stress injury from using the laptop.  It was so bad that last night I couldn't sleep from it and had to take some morphine.  It felt like a deep aching feeling in my forearm but only on the lower side...where all the soft area of your arm is located...the underbelly of the arm!  Anyway, it was aching really badly and now today both arms are aching.  It seems that maybe shopping doesn't help the situation!  I should stick to online shopping...much safer...wait, that's what's causing the problem in the first place. *sigh*

I'm going to get some yoghurt.  Later. :)

Hump Day Pho

Today was pretty busy.  I went to lunch with my mom and then we did some groceries.  I'm beat!  I got some ingredients for my dinner on Saturday and I thought about the myriad of things I need to do in preparation, but then I just kind of collapsed on the bed when I got in...much too tired for thinking.  My husband is stopping on his way home to get some pho, which we are now addicted to!

Later I'll have to set the dining room table for our company.  I find that setting the table helps me visualize the meal with all of its condiments or pickles or whatever accessories are required.  If I place out the dinner dishes and the dishes for the food it also helps me see how it's all going to look and if visually it would look better with more or less stuff on the table.  Sometimes I'll change a meal menu because there are going to be just too many little dishes and things on the table...visually chaotic and not peaceful for eating at all.  I find it works better to create a harmonious table if you have fewer, more tantalizing looking dishes than to have a whole pile of different things just thrown out there.  My mom likes the chaotic "give 'em seven of everything" approach, which works really well for family gatherings, but not as well with a small group.

Anyway I got most of the ingredients but I'm going to have to get the rest tomorrow at Costco.  There's a few items, like fresh, squishy mozzarella cheese that I can only seem to find at Costco.  Funny that.  Mom and I will finish the shopping tomorrow and then Friday, if I need it, she has offered to clean the house for me.  My mom is very helpful.  She really loves to make a good meal too, so she is always interested in what I'm doing.  Her birthday is coming up and since her and dad are too cheap to get the Food Network I'm going to buy her the "Everyday Italian" dvd's.  She'll love that.  The way that Giada Di Laurentis does her show will make my mom really happy because it's very easy to follow and the whole thing is visually very appealing.  Not like Rachel Ray's show.  I'm sorry if you like Rachel Ray, but I find her show a bit too sloppy for my liking.  Mom will enjoy having a bunch of cooking shows to watch.  She's been very jealous of my cooking shows since we got the Food Network about three years ago.  Why my dad won't just get the damn channel for her I'll never know, but there you go.

So I'm going to go and hang out with my dog.  He's been laying on the bed next to me, so peacefully.  We're going to wait for my husband and have some nice warm soothing pho to warm our bellies. :)

Mellow Today

I'm feeling pretty mellow today.  I have a sore neck from where I slept wrong or something.  Anyway, I'll have to get a heating pad out later and work on the stiffness.  In the meantime I'm holding my head in just the right position so I can type without pain.  Also I seem to have the aura from a migraine coming on.  I just got over a migraine so that would really suck if I'm getting another.

My mom just called.  She's taking me grocery shopping tomorrow so I can get some things for next weekend.  We're having my cousin and her husband over for supper and I have a bunch of stuff to do in preparation.  We're having bacon-wrapped prunes as an appetizer and then salad and Italian style stuffed chicken breasts.  For dessert we're going to have raspberry cheesecake.  Mmmm...decadent!

I'm reading a new book now on Japanese woodcut art.  It's very interesting.  I'm trying to learn as much as I can about Japanese tattoo so that I can properly duplicate them when I become a tattooist.  They're the most intricate tattoos and also the tattoos with the most "rules" about what can be paired with what.  I don't know how many Japanese tattoos I'll be asked to do, but I would like to be more than someone who just imitates the style, I'd like to actually understand the mythos as well.  If I'm going to give someone a Japanese tattoo, I want to do it correctly.

Migrainey Sunday

Yesterday I had a migraine headache for the entire day.  I woke up with it.  I kept telling my husband that it felt like rain, but the forecast was clear.  I said "It still feels like rain."  And last night it rained like crazy here.  My brain knows when it's going to rain even better than Environment Canada! :)

So yesterday was pretty much a write-off.  I mean I did go outside and I did spend some time with my husband but after supper I went to bed and fell asleep fairly early.  We had some really yummy Chinese food and I for some reason ate like a pig and then I fell asleep.  I don't usually get hungry at all so being hungry when I wasn't feeling well was strange to me, but I ate a ton of Chinese food and then scarfed back some cookies too!  Then I was hungry in about an hour.  Seriously, I ate more of the stuff and then I was full.  I never eat that much food!  My husband was a bit surprised too.  He said that it was great to see me eat so much.  I think I must have had some kind of salt craving or something because I usually don't eat that much even when I'm really hungry!

I'm reading a book right now about Japanese tattoos.  The next three books in my series of tattoo books are all about Japanese tattoos.  I'm learning about the tattoo masters in Japan and what makes them so great.  I'm also learning about the "mythology" of the Japanese tattoo.  It's important to understand this mythology if you ever plan to make Japanese style tattoos for anyone.  I find it incredibly interesting.  I'm not actually expecting to get a lot of requests for Japanese tattoos, but it would be pretty hard to become an expert in tattooing without at least learning about the Japanese tattoos and how they came about.

You know I've noticed something lately.  I'm getting more grey hairs.  They show up a lot on me because my hair is almost black.  I keep thinking that I should dye my hair but once I start that it's sort of impossible to stop without leaving a big line of roots...I'm planning on getting extensions in my hair which will obviously not have grey in them.  That will help for the short term, but I'm having a dilemma as I get more grey.  I keep wondering when I will get to the point where I say "Screw it" and dye my hair its natural colour.  I don't know.  I mean I suppose that if I just grey gradually it won't be a big deal, but it's hard to know what to do about it.  Once I start dying it the hair will become course and brittle from processing...I hate that.  I could use a rinse I suppose...one of those temporary things.  That might be less harsh.  Of course those rinses only last for about two weeks.  That gets expensive very quickly.  It's one of thsoe things I'm just going to have to ponder for a while longer.  I'm just not ready for the commitment of dying my hair yet! :)