Wolfen's Blog

Weird

Facebook is weird.  An old friend of mine just added me.  I knew her in high school and we were good friends.  What's really weird is that over the years I have heard (from her husband who tried unsuccessfully to start an affair with me) that she kind of grew to dislike me.  Almost like she had some kind of grudge against me that developed out of her own mind in the interim.  I thought that maybe his comments were just some weird lie to get me to dislike her.  That may still be true.  But she asked me to be a friend...I think because all of her other high school friends have added me (because we were all friends).  So I think that because she knows we "should" be friends that she has added me. 

What lends credence to what her cheating husband told me is that so far her comments haven't been very pleasant towards me.  They've been passive-aggressive jokes and remarks about things I did as a young person that would make me look foolish or weird to others.  Of course she was always a little like that.  Perhaps she never really liked me and always just pretended.  Either way, she's added me and now she has to live with my name constantly dribbling into her news feed.  I wonder about people that would willing subject themselves to the news feed of someone they dislike that much.  I mean she was purported to have said, when told I had MS, "Good."  She was happy about it according to her husband...the lying cheater...I wonder how many women he's cheated on her with.

Anyway, she added me and of course she would have no idea I know all of this because her husband told me over the phone one time when he called me.  He used to call as a "friend" who was concerned with my MS.  Right.  Guys are so transparent.  Anyway, I'd talk to him but when I realized the true motivation behind his calls I put an end to them.  I told him he was a lying cheater and he should be ashamed of himself.  He has two young beautiful girls and a house in the country...why he would want to risk all that for the excitement of an affair I have no idea, but I wasn't going to be involved in any way.

She's a nice enough girl but has a lot of issues.  She comes from an INSANE household where her mom was a lunatic.  I think maybe she's got a little of that craziness to her because I have never done anything to provoke her except maybe to be attractive.  I think that's what upset her so much in high school.  She never said anything about it of course, but guys were often paying attention to me.  I was kind of oblivous to it back then but I realize now that I may have garnered more than the average amount of male interest, and probably from some of the guys she liked as we travelled in the same circles.  One time I was with her and her friend at a bar when we were in our twenties and the waitress who was serving us said that I had a "peaches and cream complexion" and when she did, one of the girls said "Shhh...you don't want her to get an ego." but she said it really quietly to the waitress so I wouldn't hear her.  MEOW.  I heard and called her on it by joking, but man I was apalled that someone would be so petty as to prevent someone else from paying a nice compliment.

You know as I read this I now know why I hated high school.  I was popular in high school and I hated it.  I can't even imagine what it was like if you were unpopular or awkward.  Brutal.

Anyway, Facebook is weird.  I do think it will be funny to see if this woman still harbours ill-will towards me, now that I'm older and know what to watch for.  LOL!

Just Bathed

I just got out of the tub.  I love a bath.  It's the one way I know to warm myself up completely if it's cold or cool myself off if it's hot and there's something very comforting about being in all that water.  Showers have never impressed me.  Bathing is by far my favourite way to get clean.  Of course I rinse off using the shower head so I don't have soapy residue on my skin when I get out.  The whole process leaves me feeling so refreshed.

Tomorrow night we're having dinner with friends at a local Italian restaurant.  I've been there before and it's a great place for any Italian specialty.  They even have one of those amazing copper cappucino makers at the front entrance that just dazzles you in true Italian style as you walk into the place.  The dish I had the last time was called Linguine Pescatore (linguini with seafood) and it was so yummy that I think I'll have it again this time.  The thing I like about the restaurant is that it's in a mall.  For some reason I feel like you can wear jeans to a restaurant if it's located in a mall.  I mean I am sure there are some five star restaurants located in malls, but I'd bet there aren't too many!  So I can wear jeans.  I like that.

My husband's parents are European.  They don't approve of jeans.  So every time I go to their place I try not to wear jeans.  His mom told me that it was just her son that should worry about not wearing jeans and that I was free to wear whatever I pleased, but somehow I don't believe that!  I think they prefer it if I don't wear them.  *sigh*  So that's fine, when I'm with them I wear other pants than jeans...but I sure do appreciate it when I can get into something comfortable before I eat.  Wearing "nice" clothing is always "tiring" somehow to me if I'm not in the mood for it.  If I'm in the mood to be dressed up then I can really enjoy it, but for the most part I prefer to dress down.  So tomorrow I get to wear jeans but eat in a really nice Italian restaurant...YAY!  The best of both worlds.

We're going out to dinner to see friends we haven't seen in a while.  They have two kids, the youngest of which is a 4 year old boy...he's in his hellion years!  Anyway they were able to get a babysitter and so they invited us to dinner out.  I can't wait!

Tonight my husband is going to be late coming home because he has a club meeting for his offroading club.  They meet monthly to discuss the trails and the planned runs and to talk about their rigs.  Anyway, on his way home from his meeting he's going to buy some Vietnamese pho for supper.  We've never tried pho, but hear it's a wonderful meal.  If you are wondering what pho is, here's the wiki entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pho" title="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pho" target="_blank"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...  It looks delicious and I can't wait to try it!  It's a wonderful broth-based soup that I suspect will be wonderful.  I love broth soups.  I actually really just like soup in general...lobster bisque is my favourite...mmmm.  I'm making myself hungry! :)

Interesting Medical News

Well it seems that they've discovered that the hormones that women experience during pregnancy help to fix MS damage.  This wasn't new, as it was the reason for me to go on prolactin supplements.  The interesting news is that the same results seem to have been found using estrogen instead of prolactin.  This is good news because prolactin has a slightly increased risk of cancer associated with it.  Human testing will begin soon.

More interesting news from the world of medicine...Verapamil for headache treatment can cause heart problems.  I read it on Mescape today.  They said that it's because the dose used for headache therapy far exceeds the "normal" dose and that they have shown at elevated levels that it seems to cause arrhythmias.  I'm on the "normal" dose of 240 mg per day for my headaches, but they say that anyone on high doses of the stuff should be on EKG monitoring for heart irregularities.  That's a bit unnerving.  I may just decide to go off the stuff...even if I do get the headaches back.  I mean a headache never killed me, but a heart problem certainly could.  I'll bring the article to my doctor next time and see what he thinks.

I'm trying hoodia gordoni to see if it works.  It's a cactus that causes you to lose your appetite.  Anna Nicole Smith was taking it shortly before her other medications caused her to die.  It's how she lost so much weight.  I wanted to try it and see if it worked.  Of course I'm already chock full of eating problems so I didn't really expect it to do much...and so far it hasn't.  I have a hard enough time eating that I was actually expecting it might cause my appetite to increase!  It doesn't seem to be doing anything, but I'm going to try it for a little while longer to see if I notice anything.  If I don't, I may give the stuff to my husband or my mom or somebody.  No point in wasting it.

Reading

I'm going to read my book.  I just got three more of the tattoo books in the series I was reading.  I'm looking forward to devouring them...but first I must finish the book I'm reading, which is very good.

I got a mosquito bite on my boob today.  That is driving me insane because it's itchy and I keep scratching it.  The warm blast of summer we got this week has reinvigorated the mosquito population and it looks like they're hungry.  I am hoping that we get some colder nights soon to kind of put an end to the whole bug situation.

Facebook is freaking me out lately.  It's been really embarrassing because a good portion of the people who are asking to be my friends are really old boyfriends from when I was like thirteen years old!  I feel bad for my husband getting to see how popular I was...with guys.  I do have a few girlfriends on my list, but I feel bad every time someone joins my list and my husband says "Oh how do you know him?"  and I have to say "old boyfriend" again.  He said he was proud that his wife "is a hottie" which made me laugh.  He's so sweet.  A lot of men would be jealous or petty but he's not.  But it's still embarrassing.

Monday Insomnia

I am having insomnia because I slept in today until 2:30 pm!  I guess it's not technically insomnia, more like shifting my hours.  When I sleep in too late I have a hard time getting myself back to a normal schedule.  So here I sit when I should be sleeping.  Hang on, I have to get a Perrier.

Okay so I'm watching cartoons and drinking fancy club soda.  It was on sale at Costco.  I'm trying to avoid juice or sweet drinks of any kind because I have a thrush infection on my tongue.  I got the infection a few days after I ran out of Milk Thistle supplements.  I have started taking them again so I'm hoping that fixes me back up again.  The milk thistle helps my liver handle all the drugs I'm on.  When I ran out my liver acted up (is my theory) and my system went out of whack, causing a yeast imbalance that led to the yeast infection of my tongue.  Ick.  Everything I've read says that these infections are common in people with illnesses.  I guess I qualify.

Of course if I can't get rid of the yeast infection in my mouth I'll have to go see my family doctor.  That's always a pain in the butt.  Just getting an appointment takes forever.  I suppose if I tell them in advance that it's an oral thrush or yeast infection they'll probably just rush me through.  Basically if the yoghurt and gargling doesn't work I'm going to have to get a prescription.  However, I'm hopeful that it is indeed the lack of milk thistle that caused the imbalance and now that I'm back on it I'm hoping it gets better.  My husband said if it doesn't improve by Wednesday that we'll have to go so that it doesn't fester and become some crazy trench mouth!

Reading

I've been reading.  Last night I started into a book I bought a long time ago.  It's called "Buckland's Book of Spirit Communications".  It's a really good book.  It talks about ghosts and communicating with spirits.  It's extremely interesting so far.  I'll let you know how it goes, but I'm really enjoying it because it talks about the afterlife like a new beginning, not an ending.  I like that.

Anyway, the reason I hadn't read this book up until now was that I wasn't able to read for a while.  During that time I bought a whole pile of different books, hoping to find one I could read, but I wasn't able to because of my mind being foggy.  Lately my mind hasn't felt as foggy.  With that feeling of fogginess being lifted slightly, I'm feeling a renewed excitement that I can read again.  Joy, joy, Happy Happy, joy joy! :)  I hope it continues so I can finally catch up on Stephen King's books!

Not being able to read is like someone closing a door to you.  Reading is an escape and a very easy way to learn about the world around you, providing you can do it.  My mind was becoming foggy I thought from all the meds I take, but maybe it wasn't the meds that were causing the fog.  Maybe it was the MS.  MS is known to cause fogginess in people but I always assumed it was from the drugs because I noticed it happening soon after I started on the drugs.  Perhaps the fog was not just from the drugs.  The reason I say that is that the fog seems to be lifting and I haven't stopped taking the drugs that I believed were causing it.  The safe assumption is that the drugs were not causing it.

With my renewed ability to read I'm now wondering what other improvements I'm going to notice as my prolactin experiment continues.  I mean I am very careful not to assume that my current ability to read is permanent but I also wonder if this IS as a result of the prolactin, what else is coming down the pipe?  I mean maybe my ability to workout again will come back.  I haven't noticed my strength improving at all though...maybe down the road it will.  My balance hasn't been improved noticeably, if at all, but I can read...and I seem to be feeling a bit more energetic....and my boobs have grown! :)

Out of Books!

I have been reading books from a pile that I got from Amazon.  It's now finished.  The only books I have left are art reference books and they really don't read like a proper book.  They're more about showing you how to accomplish a certain look while drawing or whatever but they don't really tell a story or show me anything "new".  The pile of books has been depleted.  Now I'm bored!

Fortunately I have ordered some more books and will hopefully have something to read this week.  Also, my tattoo magazines should be arriving shortly as well so that will tide me over between books.  That last book on the history of tattooing was really fascinating and I'm having a hard time feeling as excited about these other books I'm reading now.

However, I have read a book about how to draw dragons, a book on drawing the human form in motion and a book on vehicle pinstriping.  I think I've really refreshed my memory about a lot of important concepts and I believe that now I'm ready to read something a little more interesting!  A good juicy suspense thriller would be great if I could manage it.  I used to love to read vampire novels.  Maybe I'll find a good horror.  I'm sure Stephen King must have a new book out (doesn't he always have a new book out?)

I ordered some books from Amazon last week, but they haven't arrived yet.  I also have some books I haven't read on reiki healing and on spiritual communications.  I suppose I could read one of those.  Good idea!  I think I'll read about spirit communications.  It's great that I've been so eager to read lately.  I wonder if it's because of the prolactin supplements or if my mind is just hungry for some new information.

Weird Day

I'm in a weird mood today.  I have been all week.  I feel quiet and kind of...I don't know...apathetic or something.  Just kind of sitting here with the laptop and thinking to myself.  I'm looking forward to going to tattoo school.  It's not until the spring though and I'm going to have a fall and winter of just sitting around now that photography season is just about over for me.  Cold weather and I don't mix and so I don't go outside with the camera after the weather gets cool. 

I'm currently reading a book about drawing.  I finished my book about tattooing.  It was an excellent book.  It was exactly what I was looking for...an overview of tattooing and where it started.  It gave the history of tattooing on each continent and broke it down into tribes and customs.  Very interesting.  Now I'm reading about drawing and I hope I enjoy it as much as the tattoo book.

I have noticed something.  With each book that I read, lately I've found my brain working a little better.  It used to be that I simply couldn't read at all because of the fog that the drugs had given me.  It's not that I'm stupid, but my brain just couldn't follow plot twists or storylines because I felt somehow like I wasn't able to put the story together.  Lately I've seen some improvement and I am now not only able to read "how to" books (previously the only books I could read) I seem to be able to read lower level fiction novels...like teen books and harlequin romance novels.  Not exactly high end reading, but when you're a book worm by nature and you can no longer read intricate stories, an easy paperback is better than nothing. 

So I guess I'm wondering if maybe this ability to read again is because of the prolactin supplements I'm taking.  Or I suppose it could be a result of reading less difficult books.  To test this theory I'm slowly reading more and more advanced books to see if I can follow the plots.  If the prolactin is helping then I guess it would tell me that the mental confusion I experience is a result of MS and not just from the drugs.  Basically I've always attributed the fog to my drugs completely, but if it is also a part of the MS then I'd say that my disease is progressing differently than my neurologist expected.  It also means that the prolactin may be helping my brain heal.  Too soon to tell I believe, but it's something I'll keep an eye on as the prolactin experiment continues.

Lumpy

I'm feeling lumpy today.  What I mean is that I feel like a lump of oatmeal.  I lack any forward momentum. :)

It's grey outside and kinda rainy.  My crazy parrot is slowly chewing away the kitchen chair beside me and I'm having some cramps from the tail end of my period.  Ugh.

We're now entering the time of year when I can't do as much photography and outdoor stuff because of my seizures/convulsions.  The cold air triggers the seizures so I'm much less apt to go outside unless it's really important during the colder months of the year.  This usually pre-empts any outdoor photography.  It also means that I have even less activities available to me as entertainment while the cold is prevalent.  That sucks.

I think I'd like to take up the accoustic guitar.  I used to play a classical guitar about twenty years ago, but it wasn't mine and I had to return it after a year or so.  My parents offered to buy me one but it was contingent on a bunch of things and at that time I wasn't prepared to be bought.  I wanted to be able to have the freedom to be myself and do my own thing.  I didn't want to be owned by a guitar/my parents.  They wanted me to agree to a bunch of rules and things...which is funny because if they had just given me the guitar without any "strings attached" I would have stayed home more learning how to play better.  Oh well, they weren't always the smartest people that way. 

Anyway, parental complaints aside, I never did pick up a guitar again.  And that was a shame.  I was pretty good at it and my instructor said I had a natural ear for music.  I did too.  Once I had learned the basics, I was learning how to pick out tunes and jam along with others.  It was becoming a very good way for me to be creative.  And then I stopped.  I think I'd like to pick it up again soon.  It was a lot of fun for me and it would keep me busy during the cold winter months before I go to Tattoo School.

Even once I'm a tattooist, the guitar will always be a great way for me to blow off some steam and have a little fun...even if I was in a wheelchair I could play guitar.  In fact, even if I could no longer tattoo people, I could probably still play a jaunty tune! :)

Not that I plan on letting MS get the better of me, but you know...gotta be prepared.  Better to come up with something like guitar, which I can do than to suddenly decide I want to be, I don't know...a fly fisher as a hobby.  I mean guitar you can put away in a box when you're tired.  Fly fishing requires getting into lakes and having gear...clearly not something I'd be able to do, even if I wanted to...which I don't.  My point is that tattooing and guitar are things I feel are within my realm of "doable stuff".  They are hobbies I think I can manage...and they satisfy very different creative urges.

The photography satisfies a visual need for me to express how I feel about my life.  Tattoo will allow me to express some artistic creativtiy akin to drawing, but more challenging and more meaningful to the wearer.  It will allow me to feel useful as well.  Then finally musical expression through guitar will allow me to have some fun and feel like I can be productive and still learn new things.  None of these pursuits will be earth-shattering, but they'll all serve to keep me busy and amused and feeling relevant in my little bubble here in the sticks!  That's the goal anyway.

Meh.

I'm kind of mellow today...not a whole lot to say.  I'm eating pine nuts, which I really enjoy.  They taste fattening!  The dog is bugging me.  He wants a treat.

This week I ordered some books from Amazon.ca.  They are a whole pile slower than Amazon.com.  Their customer service is average but Amazon.com's customer service is excellent.  There is a huge difference in how they handle backorders.  Amazon.ca just takes their sweet-assed time getting them in, but Amazon.com can get them to you usually before their estimated date.

Anyway, I ordered some books and an Xbox game from Amazon.  I'm looking forward to them arriving because they're a series of books on Tattooing that I'm really excited about.  The Xbox game is for my husband.  I also ordered a "Guitar For Dummies" book that I'm going to stash away until I can afford a guitar!

You know, the fridge smells like someone farted in it.  That's a really bad sign that something is probably going bad in there.  Ew.  Fortunately, that's my husband's job!  He takes care of fridge cleaning and garbage!  I take care of cooking and light cleaning.  I'll have to tell him that it smells in there.

I have an Alanis Morissette song stuck in my head.  Not a good one either.  I won't share it with you because then you'll have it stuck in your head!  For some reason this song was playing at a restaurant we went to on the weekend and it's been stuck in my head ever since.  Grrr.

That's it for me today.  I don't know why I'm feeling so blah, but I think it may be the weather...grey. 

I wonder if the chickadees will ever figue out that suet ball.

Clothing purchase

I bought two items from Victoria's Secret this week.  I got a pair of camo "marisa fit" pants.  I have a pair of these pants in a capri cut, and I love them so much that I simply needed to get a pair of paints in a long length for winter.  They go with EVERYTHING and they're super comfy.  Plus they were only $40 US.  I'm happy with that.  I wish they had them in olive green too like the capris.  I'd have gotten two pair if they had.  No matter, I got a pair of pants and I got a new bra!

The bra is a size C.  I have always taken either a size A or a size B and have usually floated between the two sizes as my actual size.  B cup bras were always a bit too big but A cup bras were always a bit too small.  I now fit all my B cup bras perfectly because of the Bountiful Breast supplements I take.  In fact, the growth has been so dramatic lately that I've bought a C cup bra because I want to see how far off I am from the next bra size.  I don't fit into a C cup yet, but the growth has been so dramatic lately that I'm confident it will happen soon enough.  I do find this exciting because as I've said before I don't have big boobs and have always kind of wanted them...but not enough to have surgery or anything.  Anyway, this is the side effect of the prolactin supplements.  Most people would say that it's actually the desired effect of a product called "Bountiful Breasts" but for me it's not.  I'm using the boob growth as a way to try to gauge prolactin production, which will presumably help my MS (according to recent discovery).

I recently was contacted through TBlog by someone who was looking for a way to talk to me about prolactin supplements and I realized at that point that there may actually be people who "need" to talk to me and are frustrated by the lack of contact info.  I have a yahoo mail account, and so if you are trying to contact me, you can send mail to vjeci@ and then yahoo.com.  Do it as all one word obviously.  I just don't want the spam sweepers to find my email addy.  It's a "junk mail" email address I use but I do look at it daily, so I should get your message if you send it.  I know how hard it is for people to get a TBlog account going and that seems to be the only way to contact me right now.  My apologies if you've been wanting to ask me something and have been frustrated by my lack of contact info.

Birthdays and stuff

Today was my husband's birthday.  We went to his parents' place last night for supper.  It was absolutely terrible.  The food was fantastic but the whole night was an act in totally making me feel uncomfortable.  First of all, my father-in-law was drunk.  He's an old skool drunk though...from across the pond, so he's a reserved drunk.  He pretends he's not drunk, which almost makes it amusing...except that he's a blowhard when he's not drunk, nevermind when he is drunk.  Basically he spent the night talking about himself again and ingoring everyone else at the table.  It's no damn wonder my husband's grandmother hated him so much when she was alive.  The guy is an old stodgy man whose morals and convictions are no longer relevant, but he continues to share them nonetheless.  I can usually tolerate his boorish loudmouthery but last night he made a very stupid mistake.  He left the window open.

That may not seem like a big deal, but I suffer from rigours that are essentially seizures.  They are triggered by a drop in temperature or a cool draft.  When I have a seizure I am in actual agony.  I experience more pain from one of my "chills" than I have ever felt as a result of a muscle spasm or other MS symptom.  The chills are brought on fairly easily now that the real heat of summer is disappearing.  As fall and winter close in, I'll get more and more cold until I am pretty much bundled up all the time.  So last night while drunk, my father-in-law was hot and sweaty.  He's a big overweight man who doesn't get a lick of exercise and so he gets warm when he drinks and then he opens the windows.  So he opened the windows all over the house just in time for our arrival.

I sat on the verge of a seizure all night.  I tried wrapping myself in what little there was to use, including my husband's coat.  I sat shivering uncontrollably with blue lips.  I never complained and I never said a word until I went to the bathroom.  I got up there, sat on the toilet before realizing that the window was open in there too.  The seat of the toilet was freezing and immediately caused me to slip into an actual seizure.  I started to convulse and be in absolute agony.  I ran my hands under the hot water and was able to warm myself up enough to go back downstairs. 

When I got back down, my lips were very blue and my husband said "Are you okay?"  To which I answered "the window was left open".  He understood immediately what I was saying.  His mom didn't quite clue in, but she had an idea that I was now really cold.  She said "Oh I hope you can get warm."  His father, upon realizing what I was saying said "Yeah, we like it cool sometimes.  That's just how it goes around here, so you'll have to suck it up." 

His father told me to suck it up.  I could literally HEAR my husband's grandmother (whose house we were actually in) swearing at him!  She hated him.  She liked me.  I could hear her voice saying something in Danish behind me.  And at that moment I decided that I'd had just about enough of my husband's parents for one night.  We left shortly thereafter.

Being "cold" is what people think I suffer from when I get "chills" but I've decided to start using the right words from now on.  I get seizures and I convulse.  I don't get "chils" and "get cold"...I have a fucking seizure.  So now that we're going to have the terminology correct I have told my husband that if his parents aren't even going to TRY and understand my situation then I feel absolutely no need to go over there.  It was the worst example of being blatantly unconcerned with another person's well-being that I have ever witnessed.  It wasn't that they were trying to make me cold, it's that the dad decided he wanted the windows open and even though the mom knows I suffer from these terrible chills (the dad pays no attention to these "details") she did nothing to try to warm the place up or to explain to him that I can't be there if I'm cold.

Nevermind the fact that he literally told me to suck it up right to my face.  If I didn't love my husband that man would have been told unsummarily to go fuck himself.  In fact I believe that the agape expression on my face said it all for me.  Next invitation we get, I've already said I simply won't be accepting.  My husband can go see them on his own.  I'd rather hang out with his grandmother, but she's not around anymore...but at least if I can stay home I won't have a seizure and convulse again. 

Weekend Stuff

Well it's the weekend again.  My husband is out right now buying seed at the local feed store.  The bird seed there is about 1/10 the price as it is in the city.  You have to buy it in big grain bags, but so what...we just dump them into a huge plastic Rubbermaid tub anyway.  One trip to the feed store buys enough seed to last us an entire year.  This year we're going to share the bag with the in-laws so we'll have a little less than normal, but that's okay.

My husband's birthday is this weekend and we're going to his parents' place for supper tonight.  I find it a bit difficult sometimes when we go for supper because I find it hard to follow his dad's conversations.  His dad is a bit of a "storyteller" type.  That works out great if you can follow stories, but I can't.  It's the THC.  It's made it so that I can't follow even simple plots sometimes.  It's why I no longer read "story" style books...I can't follow the plot line.  So having dinner with his parents is very frustrating at times for me because his mom loves to talk to her son while he's over and so they both often leave me to talk to the father.  It's literally like leaving me with someone who speaks Japanese sometimes.  I literally have no idea what he's saying.  He goes off on tangents and little similies that are supposed to be "colourful speech" but instead come off as excessive prose to me.  I can't keep the "story" straight and quickly lose interest or the ability to understand what he's saying.  Then he looks at me for feedback.  Fortunately he's usually expecting a chuckle, I've found...so I usually just chuckle or smile my way through his stories without really understanding them.  I get my husband to abridge the story for me later and extract the important morsel of information it may have contained.  I say "may have" contained because often there is NO point to his ramblings and my husband can't even offer me that!  So dinner with his parents can be long and torturous or pleasant and fun, depending on how fuzzy my brain is that day.  On a good day, his dad's stories are fun and entertaining, but most of the time they're lost on me.

I'm going to a book signing of a friend who I met on Facebook.  It was kind of an interesting story.  I had listed my religion as "Druid" in facebook, more as a way to annoy my dad (he's also on facebook) than anything else, but I do actually consider the pagan "faith" if you can even call it that, to be my religion if I have to have one.  Of course I was raised Catholic so I don't like to purposely upset my family by being overt with my paganness, just be fun with it sometimes.  Anyway, a woman who did not know me asked to be my friend because of that religion choice and it turns out she's an author!  She's having a book signing and I am going to meet her there.  She's very into being pagan...a little like a "right-wing" Christian is into being Christian.  In fact, she's got that same vibe...weird.  I guess all religions can inspire fanatacism.  I like to take my faith in moderation...but she's a very nice person and I won't let the fact that she's really into being pagan stop me from liking her anymore than I would allow extreme Christianity to stop me from being a friend with someone.  The only time I won't be friends with someone is if I see them behaving in a way that is hateful or hurtful towards others in the name of their religion.  Anyway, I don't know this person at all, but it's going to be fun to meet someone who's so interesting.  I'll buy a book and get her to sign it and then we'll chat and hopefully I'll have a new friend! :)  If she turns out to be a complete looney, well that's okay too.  The crazy are fun also! :)  In fact I have a lot more fun meeting "weird" people than I do meeting so-called "normal" people.

So those are our plans.  I'm looking forward to them, but I'm also looking forward to having some down time with my husband.  He's so sweet.  For his birthday I got him an Xbox 360 Elite gaming system and some T-shirts...including a "caffeine molecule" t-shirt.  He loves it...he's such a geek! :)

Prolactin supplements

I am so sleepy this morning.  I've been sleeping a more normal schedule since coming back from the cottage.  I've been going to bed by about midnight or 1:00 am at the latest and getting up at about 8:00 am.  I'm not allowing myself to go back to sleep in the mornings after my husband gets up.  I want to try and keep my pattern more similar to what everyone else is doing.  That way I'm sleeping at the same time as my husband and I don't keep him up as I watch television.

Getting up earlier allows me to feel more awake by supper time so I can make a nice supper if I feel well.  Lately I've been on a shake 'n' bake chicken kick!  I normally like to eat fairly ethnic or gourmet flavours, but this week all I can think about is roasted shake 'n' bake chicken!  I've had three servings in one week and I'm going to have another for supper tonight.  I have no interest in any other foods it seems but meat!  Yikes.

I wonder if it's a result of my prolactin supplements.  I am not taking the protein shakes they tell you that you should.  As a result, I'm probably craving meat because that's got enough protein to help my body do what it's trying to do...make boobs!  Weird.  Anyway I've been craving chicken most of all.  So we've had a bit of a run on shake 'n' bake because for some reason THAT is the flavour I'm craving! 

The drugs I take make cravings feel like a survival instinct.  What I mean is that instead of having a craving for sushi, I have a NEED for sushi.  Same thing with this chicken kick...I'm not just in the mood for chicken, I get downright ornery if I don't satisfy my craving.  It's really weird.  And if I do satisfy my craving, I'm fine and cheery and everything is wonderful.  When I don't satisfy my craving I get more and more cranky...like a child does when they get tired.  It's really weird and embarrassing after the fact...like someone else hijacks my body for a while until I satisfy my appetite.

So another interesting side effect I've noticed with this prolactin supplement (Bountiful Breasts) is back acne!  Also, a little acne on the face too...which is not a huge problem for me because even when I was going through puberty (the first time?) I never got more than one or two zits at a time.  Acne was just not one of those things I had to worry about.  So even though I'm getting some nice healthy zits, they're not epidemic or anything.  I may have to go back to buying Clearasil again!  I guess this is the first side effect I've noticed aside from breast tenderness and swelling.  My husband can now see the difference by the way in my breast size.  He keeps saying how great my MS cure seems to be working as he stares at my boobs! :) 

Ironic or something

Today I found myself in the rather odd position as an arachnophobic person defending a spider.  I was trying to take a photo of a huge European Garden Spider and was getting pretty brave about getting up close to her when all of a sudden I figured out why she was out in her web the way she was when normally she'd be hidden somewhere while her web caught food.  She was being attacked by a spider wasp.

I took some photos of the spider as she fought off the spider wasp, and then I vowed to put the camera away and protect her.  She was a huge spider and though I'm afraid of spiders, in a battle against a spider wasp, let's just say I know which one is the Jedi and which one is the Sith.  This wasn't a wolf spider or even a daddy longlegs, this was the momma of all spiders...the one that makes the stunningly beautiful web every day in my garden.  Nope, I wasn't letting her be paralyzed and carried off.  Not gonna happen.  I really don't think that wasp could have carried her off, but I'm sure it wouldn't have stopped it from trying. 

I had seen a spider wasp earlier this year in the garden perform its nasty little spell on a smaller spider.  I watched as the spider lay there incapable of moving.  The wasp kept stinging and trying to drag the spider.  I swished it away and " hid" the paralyzed spider (using a pine needle to move it because I was too much of a wimp to touch it!)...then it came back "sniffing"  ;for the spider.  It was looking everywhere. I watched it for a while and then smacked it with my moccasin and put the spider under a leaf to wear off his paralysis.  See, I know who the good guys are, even if I'm afraid of them!

So even in my arachnophic state, I can recognize the silliness of my arachnophobia and that I should never allow it to cloud my judgement...unless it's one of those horrifying wolf spiders!  *shudder*  Okay I know I shouldn't kill them either, but oh man they get so big and fast.  Like three inches in diameter and all black and furry.  I'm going to give myself nightmares just thinking about it.

Anyway, I watched the spider and the wasp fight and I stayed outside, nearby but not too close.  If the spider had been paralyzed I was going to stay by its side and defend it just like the last one.  I was absolutely incapable of touching it (the spider was 2 inches in diameter and as fat as an opera singer) but I was more than capable of killing a wasp.  I hate wasps even more than spiders!

This is what happens when you stay home with nothing to do all day. 

Up Early

Well I'm up early this morning...awake before I was finished baking.  That's how I refer to it!  It explains why I feel like soggy cookie dough and am not ready to actually get out of bed.  But I am able to blog and that's the main thing!

My husband meant to get my medications on his way home from work last night but forgot.  As a result, I don't have any medications today.  He has run off to the store to get them for me now, but that is probably why I can't go back to sleep.  My legs hurt this morning too, so the meds will make a world of difference once I get them.  I feel bad for him that he had to run out, but if he didn't I'd be in agony by lunch time.

I have been sleeping really well lately.  I think the cooler air has helped.  I also think that going to the cottage helped.  It returned me to a normal sleeping schedule (from say midnight to about 9:00 am or so) which has made it easier for me to get up and about during the daytime.  I have even had time to get on the recumbent bike again.

Last night I was taking a bath and I noticed in my nude state that my breasts have grown!  I checked with my bra this morning and it's official...my boobs have definitely grown.  It's getting to the point where soon this bra won't be the right size.  At the rate I'm going I'd say I have another two or three months before I go up to a C cup from a B.  It's really quite astonishing considering I haven't been taking the prolactin supplements the way you're supposed to if you want to grow boobage.  I have been taking them without the protein powder shakes they suggest.  I am really surprised the pills have worked anyway.

Prolactin seems to be helping me feel better...and it's definitely growing breasts.  I'd say that so far my "Bountiful Breasts" experiment is going very well.  It's a fairly expensive treatment but it's still only about $400 per year.  That's hardly breaking the bank for one's health.  The best part is that aside from growing boobs it has no side effects that I've noticed.  It does seem to be helping my MS too, which is the whole reason for taking it.

The Wiorld is full of Leeches

I just talked with my cousin.  He was saying that his dad, a retired millionaire, has married a woman he met about a year ago.  She's extremely controlling and has cut the kids from his life.  This man is in his sixties and was a CEO at a major American corporation.  He has millions of dollars in savings and investments...or at least he did.  Apparently he's been "spending like a drunken sailor". 

A part of me always worries when I hear about these situations.  I, of course, want to support my cousin...but there is a part of me that thinks "It's HIS money, he can do what he wants with it."  I also wonder how much of the sour grapes is because they are afraid they won't get the money now that she's married him and not about how happy he is.  Of course she does sound like a true gold digger, from their description, but I wonder if she's really that bad.

I really hope that their dad is happy with his new bride though because whether they're right or not, she is definitely driving a wedge through the family...and it doesn't sound like they're in a big hurry to forgive him for some of the nonsense he's put them through with this wedding.

So who's wrong?  He is an adult.  He can marry whomever he wants.  He's very prone towards "bad girls" though.  So it wouldn't surprise me if she actually is as bad as they say.  I understand their concern for his well-being but I hope it's not just about money.  I hope it's really only about what is best for him.  Seems to me that a man's family is more important at this age, but that shouldn't mean he has to be alone. 

Money sure is complicated isn't it.

Thinking About Guitars

I'm back to thinking about guitars again.  I was thinking how nice it would be to be able to sing in front of the fire at the cottage.  I really think that once I've gotten myself set up with tattooing and have all my gear that I'll plan to get a guitar and some lessons to follow.  I would enjoy being able to strum a few tunes.

After that I would like to get my husband and I into horseback riding lessons together.  I think it would be something he'd enjoy and I'd enjoy getting back on a horse for sure.  We'd have to start as beginners even though I'm not technically a beginner.  I haven't ridden in about five years so I'd want to start over anyway to be with him and to get a refresher on the right way to ride.  All of this stuff depends on me getting a bit healthier...but it's happening slowly.

It's funny how all of these plans require lots of money too!  *sigh*  I hope my husband gets the job he's trying for.  He's applied for a job at a company and though they haven't hired him or even interviewed him, they have already done the paperwork to have his security clearance.  That is definitely a good sign.  He expects to hear from them soon that they want him for an interview.  Once he has the interview I think he'll be hired immediately.  He's just waiting for the phone call that says "We'd like to meet with you."  Tom Petty was right, the waiting IS the hardest part!

Once we have a little more money coming in we have to get me trained in tattooing and we have to get a new car.  My husband is getting a Smart Car by Mercedes.  In Canada they're pretty popular, but I don't know if they've arrived in the US yet.  I know the US couldn't get them last year, but maybe this year.  Anyway they're little diesel cars that take up about 1/3 the space of a normal sedan.  They're really small but well made and rugged.  Like mini rally cars.  Anyway, my husband wants to get one because he'll be commuting for his new job.  He'll have to travel about 38 km (about 24 miles) to work each day and so to save money on gas and parking (these cars get free parking in the city in many places) he wants a Smart Car.  We can't put off getting a car for any longer either because it would be expensive for him to drive his current vehicle everyday that distance.  Plus, his current vehicle (Bonneville) would not be as reliable as a new car for that kind of distance.  Currently he only has to drive about 10 km to work (6 miles).  That will be a bit of a change for him for sure.

In a couple of years we will get a new car for me.  I was really hoping we could swing a Mustang, but I think that first we'll need a "people mover" for when we go to the cottage.  We have a parrot and a dog and both of them have a lot of junk associated with them.  There's the food and the toys and the carrying cage for the parrot and the perch and then the dog takes up a huge spot in the car.  So for my car we're thinking we'll go with something a bit larger than a Smart Car...and unfortunately a Mustang isn't going to cut it.  However here's something that my husband probably didn't know...the only reason I wanted a Mustang was that I thought I'd never be able to have a real horse!  So if I can have real horses, I won't need a Mustang! :)  Anyway, it's just not practical for us to have a Mustang if we also have a Smart Car.  I figure I'll get a Jag X-Type for my car.  It has all wheel drive, something we simply need in this area with all the hills and ice in the winter plus it's roomy and large for all the pets. 

Ahhhhh, the Bath

There is one indulgence I missed while I was at the cottage.  For all the swimming and hot tubbing I didn't get to have a proper BATH.  Our cottage only has a shower.  I love a good warm bath. 

With MS they tell you that the last thing in the world you should do is bathe...showers are better they say.  I've never understood this.  I mean the shower is so dangerous if you can't stand properly or if you are at all unsteady on your feet.  I would think a bath would be much easier for most MS patients to navigate.  The reason they want you to shower is that they say from an occupational health point of view, a shower is safer.  You can shut the water off and essentially lie on the floor of the shower without worrying that you might drown.  If you slid in the bathtub and were not strong enough to pull yourself up on the slippery surface, in theory you could drown.  I think that at a certain level of disability the shower becomes the safer option, but for me the bath is much easier because I don't have to worry about my balance when I close my eyes to lather. 

Another reason for MS patients not to bathe is supposed to be that the water could be too hot and that you could overheat.  This causes a lot of problems for MS patients...overheating I mean.  So a hot bathtub would be a possible source of that kind of heat.  I guess I just figure that people are smart enough to know how to run a bath for themselves so that the water isn't too hot.  I must be looking at it in too simple a way.

Every year when we come back from the cottage we come home with a desire to break free from the city and move out to the sticks.  Oh I know there's a lot of hassles with living out in the middle of nowhere, but it would be pretty easy for me I think.  I don't work anymore so I wouldn't have to commute to work.  My husband would still have to go into the city and that's what makes it too difficult.  If he could telecommute we'd be able to live anywhere...and we quickly would I think.  There's a place near my cottage on 21 acres that would be perfect.  It's on a hilltop on a rocky mountain.  It's got a huge outbuilding with workshop and a gorgeous garden.  I could have horses up there.

Speaking of me having a life, I believe the prolactin supplements (Bountiful Breast pills...aka "boob pills") are helping me.  I would say that they cannot help the mental confusion I have (which is mostly from the THC I take) but that my physical body is doing much better.  I have better balance, more energy and am feeling pretty spunky.  I've also noticed my breasts getting larger.  That tells me that it is actually producing prolactin.  I've had sore breasts a fair bit lately too.  I believe that eating more protein over the vacation has actually made a noticeable difference in my breast size.  Weird.  That's what prolactin does I guess.  It takes protein and turns it into boobies. :)

Back Home Again

You know what's great about vacations?  Coming home!  The vacation itself was wonderful and fantastic but coming home after a great vacation has its own rewards, and this is one of them.  I get to finally sit down and write about how the week went.

We had pretty nice weather for the entire time we were at the cottage.  There were a few days where it was too chilly for me and my rigours to go to the beach, but on those days I was still able to enjoy hanging out inside the cottage.  For three of the seven days the water was perfect and the weather was gorgeous.

This year, with my prolactin supplements helping me and my various cannabinoids also helping me, I decided to try hiking up the back mountain with my husband.  He hadn't seen the mountain yet and I haven't climbed up there since about 1985 so we decided we'd go up with the dog and have a look out over the lake and the surrounding vistas.  It was a gruelling hike for me with my MS.  I was tempted in a couple of places to turn around and go back down, and at one point I felt like if I could just gasp for enough air I'd be okay and nearly hyperventilated and passed out!  However, I'm happy and VERY proud to report that I was able to climb that mountain!  I am so jazzed about that.  I wouldn't be able to do it every day, but it sure was awesome to do it again.  I got photos that make it all worth it too.

So after climbing that mountain I have decided that I am going to make an extra hard effort to try and get back on my recumbent bike for longer.  I've proven to myself that even when I think I'm beat, I'm not...so maybe I can manage to do a little more exercise and get myself to lose some more weight and keep myself in better shape.  That's my goal.

Anyway, it's great to be back in town.  I really appreciate my own bed tonight.  I think I'll have some Arrowroot cookies and go to bed! :)

Cottage Bound

We're heading up to the cottage for a week.  I will probably not have much in the way of internet access so it may be awhile before I post again.  I'll see what we can swing.  Have a great week! :)

Haircut

Got a haircut today.  It looks like this...

It came out pretty much like that too, except no highlights.  It was so great to get my split ends cut off too. 

My hairdresser was telling me about a new system for extensions.  I think I'll get some in the fall.  The kind she does are made from real hair and you can reuse them once your hair grows out.  You just keep moving them closer to the scalp every three months.  Neat.  So you spend $300-400 on the hair and then you pay for the service of having them moved every three months or so.  I am all about having long rock star hair so I will spend the money and go for it.  I figure I'll get the hair in my natural colour and then if I want to add colour I'll get some extra pieces later.  They come in every colour, including pink!  I would get pink for occasional use only...my husband isn't a huge fan of pink hair...but I am! :)

Sleepy Heat

It's hot out there today...warm and muggy.  I'm tired too.  I was up and about earlier, feeding chipmunks outdoors and relaxing with the dog.  Now I'm feeling very tired.  I think it's the cold...or allergies.  Still haven't decided which it is, but whatever is causing me to cough and have a runny nose is probably also responsible for my lethargy.

So I'm in bed, taking it easy and blogging.  We're heading to the cottage in a couple days.  I'm really looking forward to it.  The break will do me some good.

I started a new book.  It's called "The World of Tattoo An Illustrated History"...it's going to be great.  I look forward to reading this book while we're at the cottage too.

I have like nothing to talk about today!  LOL!  Just blabbing about nothing. :)  Have a good one!

Finished the Book

I just finished my book on comics.  It was written in comic book style so it was loads of fun to read.  It really taught me about the way that comic strips are designed.  It was excellent for opening my mind up to some new concepts about spatial usage and dramatic use of space.  Very cool.  It will definitely impact how I design tattoos.

The next book I am going to read is called "The World of Tattoo An Illustrated History" and it is a huge book...nice and thick too.  It's loaded with tattoo information from around the world.  The purpose of reading this book, and possibly the books that follow in the series (depending how good this one is) is simply to learn all I can about where tattoo comes from.  It's not enough to be good at tattooing, I want to be knowledgeable about tattoos so that I can make the best art possible.  I don't want to be an average tattooist.  I want to be excellent....plus it just interests me to read this stuff!

We're going away on the weekend.  We're heading up to the cottage for a week.  We've been on vacation for a week already, but this is MY vacation.  Going to the cottage takes me away from the house and gets me out of my rut.  It's a great way to relax too, especially if it's warm and we can just hang out at the beach.  For my husband, spending a week at home is a huge rest and he can get chores done and get caught up...so that's what we've been doing this week.  But for a true vacation I also need a break, and that's why the second week at the cottage is important.  It gets us both away from the house and forces us to truly sit and relax together...without distractions and without the stress of life.  Sublime.