Mom Called
05.31.07 (4:51 pm) [edit]Well my mom called me to ask about my migraines. She was sure I'd be sick with this weather. She's right, I would normally be sick with this weather. But I'm not...which is excellent. Anyway, I told her that I'm doing great! She thanked me for the mention of her and my dad in the blog. She said "I saw the photo of the cake and everything."
The page the cake photo was on also had a photo of the tattoo gear. She saw the tattoo gear and was okay enough with it that she called to at least make sure I wasn't having a migraine. YAY! She still loves me...I wasn't sure that they'd be able to make that jump. I still have no idea what my dad thinks, but I don't care. My MOM loves me...though I can also tell that she doesn't approve or she'd have mentioned it even more. Instead she just avoided talking about it. She'll come around. :)
Migraine Theory
05.31.07 (3:13 pm) [edit]I've had migraines for many years now and rather than getting better as they often do with most women, mine have gotten worse. I also have Multiple Sclerosis. Science has never positively linked the migraines I have with the MS I have. That's not to say that they aren't linked, just that science isn't able to prove it incontrovertably. So because migraine also happens in the normal population, in approximately the same numbers as with MS patients, they say that it's not likely that the two conditions are linked. Anyone who gets migraines and has MS will tell you that of course it could be linked. MS screws with your brain...that affects EVERYTHING, including migraines. So it's also very possible that my migraines have increased over time because my MS has been progressing over time.
Let's just say then for the sake of argument that my migraines are caused by my MS. Let's just say that as a basis for this conversation. I started getting migraines at age 21. The studies I've read say that by age 15, MS is probably already established, even if it's not active. So if that's true, maybe migraines were my first MS symptom. As I have aged, the migraines have become more of a problem, though admittedly I do go through phases where I have less of them from time to time. Overall my migraines have worsened.
THC, the main ingredient in marijuana is what I take for the neuropathic pain. Since being on synthetic THC, I have not had as many migraines. However as I have developed a tolerance to THC I have slowly noticed the migraines coming back. So lately I've been having them a lot more often. So THC has worked as a treatment for the migraines but even that isn't working as well as it once did.
That's the place I'm in right now. So with the new prolactin supplements I take (to try and rid myself of MS) I find myself not having migraines when I should be having migraines. I feel like a migraine should happen, but it simply doesn't. Based on this I figured "Well prolactin must prevent migraines."...but today when I did research, I found that the exact opposite is true! Prolactin seems to show an increase in migraines!
So here's the puzzle. If prolactin causes an increase in migraines, why am I not having them?
My theory? Because MY migraines are actually a symptom of my MS and if the prolactin is "curing" the MS, then the migraines are being fixed by the treatment because my migraines are secondary to my MS. If that's true, I may kill two birds with one stone. If I could be MS-free AND migraine-free...wow. WOW.
Underwire Revolt
05.30.07 (11:48 pm) [edit]I blew out an underwire in my bra today! This wouldn't seem so odd except that I just read someone else's blog who also blew an underwire! I think that bras are designed incorrectly if the underwire goes out on this many of them! It isn't even that someone else's wire went that has me puzzled, it's the fact that mine go fairly often. I mean it's a stupid design isn't it? The wire has a sharpish edge to it...of course it's going to cut through over time. As the material of the bra softens from being washed, the wire eventually just becomes too strong by comparison and the bra is soon garbage. Silly too when to fix the problem all they would have to do is put a glob of silicone on the ends of the wires. There are a few companies making bras that have "no poke through" technology (they added a spring to the end of the wires) and I should really try one of these bras in the future. For now I just went with a new Victoria's Secret IPEX bra...supposed to have an invisible edge at the top so you don't get that funky gap at the top. It clings to your body instead. I like that idea.
It's thunderstorming like CRAZY outside and I'm blissfully migraine-free. I have no idea why except that it could be because of the new drugs I'm on. There is nothing written down anywhere to suggest that prolactin prevents migraines, but ever since I've been taking the supplements I have been without migraines. For anyone who's been reading for a while, you know that I have been having migraines progressively getting worse for years now. They have been particularly bad this spring. And now they're gone it seems. I would not be surprised to get another migraine in the future, but every time the weather gets crazy and things "feel" like a migraine should happen, it just doesn't. It's like the best accidental side effect I've ever heard of, if it is indeed what is preventing them.
I want to remain objective about this treatment and not be all like "this is some kind of miracle cure" but honestly this is starting to feel like some kind of miracle cure. I won't prejudge it though and I want to wait until at least one month on the drug has passed before I make any kind of real assessment. Still, I just can't even believe how good I'm feeling. Who knew freeze-dried cow ovaries could be so helpful!
Quiet
05.30.07 (4:09 pm) [edit]It's eerily quiet here at my place. I suspect that everyone is absorbing the whole "She wants to be a tattooist" thing and is still in a bit of shock. I'll wait it out! :)
In the meantime I am totally enjoying my peace and quiet! I hate noise, phone calls, deliveries and canvassers. The only thing that has arrived today is an empty box! Seriously, the box for my husband's damaged Xbox 360 arrived today from Microsoft. He has to send his Xbox in to be repaired. Anyway, that arrived today but aside from that it's been sooooo quiet. I love it. The calm AFTER the storm! :)
I'm going to watch my new instructional video on how to assemble/disassemble my tattoo machines. Should be interesting. Have a good day!
Birthday Blog
05.29.07 (10:04 pm) [edit]Well today was the big day. I turned 37. Yay...I love birthdays! I don't even care that I'm older...I mean that part was inevitable anyway, so I might as well enjoy the day right?
My husband got me two Danny Fowler "Flatline" tattoo machines. One is a shader and one is a liner. He also got me the power supply, tips, grips, tubes, needles and instructional video. He didn't get ink because he has to save up for that (Ink is REALLY expensive) and he didn't get me an autoclave or stencil machine for the same reasons! Tattoo gear is really expensive. In fact, everything about tattooing is expensive, which is why they say that "cheap tattoos aren't good and good tattoos aren't cheap".
So it looks like the cat is out of the bag (I hate that saying). My family will be slowly learning about the whole tattoo artist thing as they check in to read the blog. Should be fun to watch everyone freak out.
Day Before
05.28.07 (4:10 pm) [edit]Well tomorrow is the big day! My birthday. I've been waiting for a while for this one. I am eager to see what my husband got me. He left me an "early gift" to open this morning. It was a skin scribe (pen for drawing on people). It's designed to have the heft of a small tattoo machine. It's so that you can draw something with a tool that has the same awkward factor as a tattoo machine. You wouldn't want to draw the thing with a pen and then find out that the tattoo machine can't make that corner or that the detail is too fine. So the idea is that this pen kind of duplicates the problems you'd have with drawing with a tattoo machine so that once you have drawn it out, you know you will still be able to do the work with the machine. I like it because it's a really cool looking pen! It's steel with a skull on the end with a rose in its mouth. The grip is great on it too. I really like the way it feels. I also like that this is a pen that can be sterilized. That's important when you're tattooing.
Two days ago my husband gave me another early gift...a Danny Fowler tattoo machine T-shirt. It pretty much confirms that my husband has bought me a Time Machine tattoo machine for my birthday! I mean he joked that he "Only bought the t-shirt and no other merchandise!" but I know he's kidding. Today I think two huge boxes of ink and supplies arrived. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing. I am looking forward to seeing it all tomorrow!
I did a workout today. It was 10 full minutes on the recumbent bike, with the tension adjusted higher than it's ever been before. I feel good too now that I'm finished the "workout" (the aerobics instructor in me still laughs at using that term for this amount of work!)...it always feels good to get a little exercise. For me, very little! :)
Rainy Sunday
05.27.07 (10:13 pm) [edit]It rained here all day...which was nice. It was nice to see spring back for a day. We bought some annuals for the garden and planted them in half barrels. Our property is located in the hills with a lot of rock and very little soil, so we tend to use barrels or containers for our plants. We do have some flower beds but they're full of perennials. Anyway, we did our plant shopping and planting in the drizzle outside and it was lovely!
I never got a migraine from this rain storm. I can't even describe how happy that makes me. I haven't had a cloudy day go by recently without getting a migraine. This week I felt like I was building up to one, and then it never came. It was wonderful to be able to enjoy the rain instead of fearing it.
I'm pretty tired tonight from working in the garden. I didn't actually do anything, my husband did all the work, but I still was on my feet and walking around...that was what tired me out. I think I'll sleep well tonight as a result!
Tomorrow I'm going to have another recumbent bike workout if I can swing it. I'm up to 9 minutes for my workout now. Let's hope I can maintain that or improve upon it. :)
Weekend Weirdness
05.26.07 (10:31 pm) [edit]I have been feeling weird all weekend. The strangest part is that normally when I feel like this I get a horrible, brain-splitting migraine. I have no migraine and feel surprisingly good. I still feel weird though...like anxious a little. I keep expecting something to happen. Earlier this evening I walked into the kitchen and my husband asked "Where are you going?" I said "I don't know...I just need to be here..." And the alarm for the oven went off just as I said that. So I feel like I'm tuned into stuff without intending to be. That sounds crazy. I don't care! :) It's true. I just feel like something is about to happen. Anxious.
Aside from all that anticipation, I am having a pretty good weekend just the same. I am feeling MUCH better physically than normal. I know I've only been on the prolactin supplements for a week or so but I am suspicious that it may be working. I am not ready at this early stage to say 100% that it's the prolactin that's helping, but I won't say it isn't either. I don't know what's up with me. I can tell you that if it continues for another few weeks and especially if things continue to improve, I will be much more willing to say that it's because of the supplements. Of course doctors will say "No, it's probably just that you were going to get well anyway." Bull crap. A few weeks ago I was feeling worse from this disease than I've ever felt before. I was at the point where I was starting to worry about assistive devices again and using my cane. I am now doing small workouts on my recumbent bike...and not feeling sick or tired afterwards. This is small progress, but it's progress and with MS, that is HUGE. There is no known cure for this disease...yet. If this treatment actually repairs the disease damage....man you have no idea what this means. In fact I won't even allow myself to think it!
So aside from feeling a bit better physically, I haven't had a migraine even though I feel like I should have. These are things I take note of. I will continue to watch for an improving trend in other areas as well...cognitive abilities, stamina...all of these things are subtle, but important. All I can say for sure is that I definitely feel good...I have no idea how long it will last or if it will ever get any better than it is right now...but I am hopeful.
Gross
05.26.07 (12:14 am) [edit]I've been sick to my gut for a day now....no migraine though which is incredible, given the way I have felt.
In the ongoing saga of my vegan friend who won't stop preaching, I have simply stopped caring what she thinks. She hates meat so much that I know we cannot have a reasonable conversation about beef farmers because her view is simply that ALL of them are unethical because they cause innocent animals to die. It's a pretty simplistic view and it's also one that isn't open to much debate. She's a seasoned activist and is a devoted PETA follower. She doesn't question anything PETA tells her. I can't really argue with that since there is no "give and take"...her mind is made up and she just uses her facebook as a way to spew forth. Good for her.
Moving on. In the real world, people continue to eat the meat of various animals, including fish, poultry and seafood...and yes, beef, venison and even bison...pork, goat and sheep. These animals continue to be farmed in new and exciting ways that include the animal's well-being. I'm sure PETA is appalled.
My husband got his new Xbox Elite today. He had a regular 360 which was fried recently by my poltergeist. At the same time a few other items in the home went haywire and we ended up with a few little technical glitches that are now ironed out. Anyway, the Xbox takes a while to get repaired by Microsoft. In the meantime I bought him a new one as a birthday gift because his other one will be gone for so long. That sounds expensive, but not when you consider that we use them as media centres in the home. We use them for movies, gaming and music. Besides the Xbox 360 seems to fry every couple of years so it won't be the last time that he has to repair one of them. Sad that Microsoft can't make a gaming console that lasts. I guess longevity is not their company's mission...especially with losers like me just buying a new one when the other one breaks!
Smiley
05.24.07 (3:23 pm) [edit]Well today I'm in a much better mood. Having vented my annoyance at someone who was trying to paint an entire industry with one brush, I feel much better. I wasn't mean or rude, but I made my point and I believe I was correct because I feel a lot better about it today! :) If I don't speak up when I see something wrong, I feel very uneasy about myself until I do. It's a curse!
So today I'm inside hiding from the heat. It's crazy hot out there and the humidity is through the roof. I can't even imagine what it's like in New York City today if it's this hot here in the north. We get the same weather patterns usually as upstate New York, but their temperatures climb a lot higher. At any rate, here in the country it's not even close to being as hot as it is in the city...and it's still hot. Of course Ottawa is nowhere near as hot as New York on any hot summer day, that just goes with the asphalt...the more you have, the hotter it gets. I can't even imagine how hot it gets in L.A.
I got my Tattoo International Art magazine in the mail yesterday and I have to tell you, that is an EXCELLENT publication. I'm sooooooooo impressed. I am really glad I forked out the cash for it. I am totally enjoying the photos, but I plan to even read the articles in this one! :) I wish I could find a good Japanese tattooing magazine...that would be excellent to surscribe to, even if I couldn't read a word of it.
I also got some yoga pants in the mail yesterday...or maybe the day before, I forget. Anyway, they weren't expensive at all. They were on sale at Victoria's Secret for $20/pair and I must say that as comfort goes and style...these are the best pants I've ever lounged in! They have a foldover waistband so they don't dig in and they are so soft and comfy, with a good amount of lycra. Cool! The best part is that they're great for my little recumbent bike workouts. I wish I could comment on the VS site, but they don't allow for reviewing of products. Too bad, I'd love to give great feedback on these. :)
I've been testing out a whole pile of facial care products for a friend of mine that sells the stuff. Good quality stuff, but it's a bit expensive. I love some of the products and others are not so good. However the whole experience has made me realize that for my age I have REALLY good skin! The products I ended up "needing" are the ones for normal skin types. I always thought I had dry skin (I always did as a teen) but when I tried to use the "anti-aging" stuff I broke out in zits! She was like "Oh my, you are way too oily already for those rich anti-aging formulas!" Considering I am now at the age when you're supposed to start using anti-aging products, and considering my skin was dry most of my life, it seems weird that the anti-aging stuff is too rich, but hey I'm not going to argue! The products are very good, but I don't know how many of them I actually need. I really only wanted an exfoliant!
Grumpy Lady
05.23.07 (3:02 pm) [edit]So following up on yesterday's rant about meat...I posted my own article about beef and discussed the fact that I've been to a local beef farm that sells beef and that the farm is run with the most love I've ever seen. I saw the ranch owner crying after a storm killed a few herd of his cattle. Was he crying because of the money? No the beef were overvalued and he ended up getting more money from insurance for them than they were worth. So why was he crying? Because he loves his cattle. He said "These cows are my babies!" I talked about how this cattle farm is one of the largest in the area and supplies grocery chains, restaurants and even Costco with their beef. I explained that I have actually seen where my beef comes from. I know what happens to it from cradle to grave.
I have no problem with people who don't want to eat meat. I eat very little of it myself, especially beef. I approve of people who say "Beef is a bit unhealthy and high in colesterol so I don't eat it too often." What I really take exception to is when someone questions the ethics of meat. Like is it okay to kill to live. Fuck, everything else kills to live. I believe humans were meant to eat fish, but that small game and fowl were also supposed to fill our coffres from time to time. And the odd "large game kill" like deer, that also at one time filled the bellies of mankind. When someone says "I don't eat meat, and you shouldn't either because it's unethical." I want to question how they define "unethical". And how fucking dare you judge me, cunt.
It's very convenient to suggest that meat is unethical, but how ethical is that tofu you're buying? How many illegal immigrants worked like literal slaves to grow the soy that makes the tofu? You monster, you eat tofu!! It's so fucking easy to judge everyone when you pick an extreme view, and what makes me curious is WHY do you feel the need to judge? What is it in you that you are so unhappy with that you need to judge 95% of the free world by saying they are unethical for eating meat. No wonder the bitch has no friends.
Nerve
05.22.07 (5:59 pm) [edit]One of my facebook friends hit a nerve today. She is very granola and vegan and just a true hippie. Great, I love hippies. Whatever floats your boat right? So she usually posts in her news feed about environmental causes. I love environmental causes.
Then today she posts a thing about farming...specifically beef farming. It's this horrible photo of a dead cow lying in the mud and it says that farming is bad basically and then she goes on to say "We need to be more careful about our choices in the name of cheap meat."
First of all, I don't know where she's finding cheap meat but that last time I looked meat was expensive as all hell, especially the nice cuts. Second, she's vegan already so she doesn't need to convince herself of this article, she's trying to convince her facebook friends, right? I mean why would she post an article about the horrors of beef if she already knows this information and doesn't eat meat; unless she was trying to shit on her facebook friends who eat meat. So now I take it personally. I eat meat and I'm on her facebook list...that seems like it was pointed at me enough.
I know the beef industry can be terrible, but I also know that farming technologies are now being improved in many cases to be more environmentally friendly and more considerate of the animal's well-being. The article didn't go into a series of alternatives for people, it didn't suggest ways to be sure that your beef was raised ethically. All it did was shit on people who eat meat and the people who raise it.
I get really fucking tired of sanctimonious bullshit from people. I understand saying something like "Hey I don't eat meat but I know lots of people do...here's some information about meat that I hope everyone is aware of and some ways to maybe be sure that you're buying meat that is raised ethically." but instead it is a post designed to make me feel like shit without offering alternatives. I can be crapped on by just about any environmental group out there, but to get it from my friends is really annoying.
On the other hand, I now see that she has exactly six facebook friends. Two of them are her daughters. *sigh* The world is full of whiners. I suppose that she probably gets ignored and brushed off by just about everyone. I am going to try and play nice-nice and say something positive after her post even though I'd like to punch her squarely in the face. I just wish that people were less intrusive with their beliefs, it's a real pet peeve of mine.
Beat and deflated
05.22.07 (3:46 pm) [edit]I am so tired today...I did another workout though. I did a 7 minute workout on the recumbent bike...YAY me! :) It was good to get my legs pumping but I am now really beat from it.
I was outside with the camera and I had the SD card out. I put it down for a second and the parrot grabbed it and broke it! Grrrr! Anyway, my husband will get another one at Costco tonight but it means I can't take the photos I wanted to take this afternoon! <pout> I will survive, it's just really annoying how much money that parrot wastes. She breaks and destroys anything she can. It gets very tiring trying to always keep an eye on her. I need to hire her a babysitter!
I got a crapload of clothing for myself from Victoria's Secret. I know they're not upscale, but you know what, those clothes are well-made and always fit me perfectly. I buy a lot of basics from them, like t-shirts and tank tops. I got a load of clothes (all inexpensive) because I was noticing that my loungewear (what I wear mostly) is looking pretty ratty. I thought I'd inject some new yoga pants and tanks to clean things up a bit so I don't look like a complete slob! You could argue that I'll look like a slob in my yoga pants too, but I would say that it's a calculated risk...the comfort is the pay-off!
So I had wanted to photograph the clothing to show off to my cousins in facebook. I realize that it would look like a ton of clothing (because it's a lot of items) even though the items were really inexpensive (ALL items were less than $20 each and most were less than $10)...it still would look like I was bragging...and in retrospect that is not what I want to do. I just want to show my cousins (who are my friends) my new clothes. But everyone else on my list of friends would be like "shop much?"...it really does look like a lot of stuff. Maybe I could just take a photo of only a couple items. Either way it's a "moo point" as Joey says on Friends....it's like a cow's opinion, it doesn't matter. So yeah, moot for sure when the parrot ate the camera's memory card anyway! Perhaps having a chance to rethink the idea has allowed me to be a bit more sensitive to others on my list that are not as able to waste money. I think that since I was given the chance to NOT take the photo, I won't bother. I do want to show off all the clothes to my husband though so I WILL keep them out to show him! It's cool having someone I can brag to who won't feel bad once I do!
Snoozey
05.21.07 (3:09 pm) [edit]I am really sleepy today. I woke up earlier than usual, which is a really good thing in the long run because it will allow me to hopefully get back to waking up in the mornings again. I'd like to be out of bed before noon most days. Lately that hasn't been the case.
So today I took some photos outside and then I read some blogs and then I checked out facebook. I also did a six minute workout on my recumbent bike. That's right, I did a small workout. YAY me! It wasn't too bad, though after six minutes I was tired. I even added tension to the bike so I wasn't just pedalling against nothing. I didn't add MUCH tension mind you, but that will come with time.
Do I think that the prolactin is helping me already? No, I do not. I am pushing myself VERY hard to get my ass on the recumbent bike and the fact that I can do six minutes means that I could probably always do six minutes if I had REALLY wanted to. In fact a few weeks ago I sat for five minutes on the bike and pedalled away without really even intending to do a "workout", I was just inspecting the bike and making sure it was still working. So I do not think that this is some great indicator that I'm going to be breaking into an 80's style workout montage just yet. I believe it will be a long slow change and that the prolactin will probably work gradually and that my stamina will also increase gradually. I will continue working out as often as I can make myself but I also don't have any delusions that I'll be a hardbody again for a long time!
Tonight we're supposed to go to the in-laws for supper. That means I have to at least change into a pair of jeans. I'm currently wearing my Polartec fleece (as I do most days) and it's just a little too ratty for going out in. I'll put on some jeans and that should fix me up. I already bathed last night to save me some effort today. I just have to style my hair a little and maybe throw on some lip gloss and mascara. We'll see if I get that far. The main thing is that I be able to go.
My husband has to work today even though it is actually a long weekend. He said he's fine with that, but I'm not as fine with it. I love long weekends and he always has to work at least one or two of them over the summer months. I see so little of him that when he works on those days I feel ripped off. Like I don't even get to spend as much time with my husband as everyone else does with theirs. It makes me annoyed that we can't participate in the usual family get togethers that take place on long weekends as well. So I'm really looking forward to him starting his new job.
The new job will start for my husband as soon as they have a contract nailed down for him. They're calling him all the time though so we know it won't be long now. They absolutely love him and want to swipe him from his current employer. That has to make him feel good...too bad they couldn't get him on board before this long weekend! He will go from being an employee to being a contracted employee at first. Then he'll switch to being a consultant. It should be a really interesting time for him in his career. He gets to spread his wings. :)
Middle of a Long Weekend
05.20.07 (9:23 pm) [edit]Well tomorrow is Victoria Day. My husband has to work because he has that kind of job. He does get the next long weekends of summer off though so it's fair I guess.
My husband has a pretty good job but he's actually in the process of trying to find a better one. He makes very good money, but the company he works for is starting to die, in NASDAQ terms. It's stock price keeps dropping and its business model is no longer profitable so he wants to move on to a different company and a different style of working. Up until now he's been an "employee". He wants to become a "contractor" and eventually a "consultant". What's the difference? In all three scenarios he ends up doing the same work, sometimes for the same company, but the pay scale and job security are completely different and directly proportionally opposing. So what I mean is that the more job security he has, the less he gets paid. The least job security pays over three times what he makes now.
All of that said, it's about what he enjoys, not what he earns. I want him to be happy with what he does and right now he's so miserable at work that he can't stand it. They LOVE him and will be extremely eager to keep him on. I'm sure they'll offer him a counter offer to keep him on but he's not happy with the direction the company is going and neither am I quite frankly. I used to work there too, and technically I still do! I'm disabled and am at home, but I used to be a Technical Writer at a high tech company and that's actually where my husband and I met.
Anyway, he is a true geek...so he enjoys technology and understands how it all works...a lot better than I do or ever used to! He's been interviewed by a couple of companies and he's now being courted by a company that is basically waiting for a contract to come in so they can hire my husband. He'd start out as a "contractor" and then become a "consultant" in a couple of years. He wants to take it slow and see how things go at first.
I know he's going to be so in demand that he's going to be able to do what he enjoys for a company he trusts instead of working like a slave for an inappreciative company whose business model is flawed. And when he's fifty he's going to retire early and become a welder. That is his "hobby" and deep down he would love to make oodles of money now so he could set himself up to be a welder down the road. As someone who knows all too well what it's like to not follow your dreams, I want him to do whatever makes him happy.
Saturday Night
05.20.07 (12:06 am) [edit]Well today was nice. It was sunny and warm and we spent some time outside as well as out shopping for some groceries. I was really tired after all that and now I'm laying in bed blogging and getting ready to sleep.
I'm watching some TV with my husband. Yes I blog and watch TV at the same time...it's multitasking! 
Watched Henry Rollins tonight. That guy should be the American President. I'd move there if he was. His honesty and understanding of what is really important is inspirational and quite frankly give me hope that there are still a few intelligent public figures out there. His open letter to Arnold Schwarzenegger was excellent...I wish more people would watch him.
Friday
05.18.07 (6:04 pm) [edit]It's Friday...not much is new. I was outside today for a few hours. I enjoyed the sun and took some photos of the apple tree in bloom. It's so beautiful.
Yesterday my friend came by and dropped off some samples of skin care products. They're called Arbonne. I like them...but they're expensive. She's selling these products now and wants me to of course buy some. Why is it that there is this small population of people that always want to sell you something? I mean she's a friend but she makes it very hard for me to be friends with her. Always selling me something...which of course I feel I should buy in order to keep her happy. I want to go on record right now as saying that if you are a person that sells a product to your friends THEY ARE ONLY BUYING IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE IMPOSED ON YOUR OWN FRIENDSHIP AND BEHIND YOUR BACK THAT PERSON WISHES YOU WOULD FUCK OFF. If you want REAL friends, don't use your friendship as an excuse to make money. Friendship should be sacrosanct, but it often isn't. Often people have ideas or reasons for being your friend that have nothing to do with you as a person. That is in fact the case MOST of the time.
So will I buy some nice skin products from her? Yeah, it's why we're still friends I think! But the funny thing is that I really believe this woman NEEDS my friendship. And so against my own better judgement I will buy her wares as I usually do and I will enjoy them because they really are good quality. Someday I know that she's going to need my help, and so I put up with being constantly sold to. We get along really well aside from this one inconvenience but I wouldn't consider her a "good friend" because of the whole "give me your money" thing. If she would drop the selling she would quickly become a closer friend, but it is not who she is! She IS that kind of person...and man you should see how nice her skin is! She's really great at selling the stuff, but I would like it if I didn't always feel like I had to watch my pocketbook when she was around. :\
Prolactin Day Two
05.17.07 (9:26 pm) [edit]Well I'm not going to chronicle every single day on prolactin, but I did want to say that so far it's not causing any mood swings or other side effects. I'm finding it helps with keeping me from snacking too. You have to take this stuff on an empty stomach. Between the various drugs that I have to take, a number of them should be taken with food/drink and some need to be taken on an empty stomach. By the time I sort through the day's drugs I have very little time for eating and I have to do my snacking before bedtime now. By the time I take my night time prolactin pill I have to have stopped eating for a full hour at least. It may not seem like much, but when you're used to having a snack at night it can be sort of weird not to. Anyway, I take two pills per day on an empty stomach and it means I have to have an empty stomach at some point twice during the day!
You also have to take this drug when you're warm. So taking it when you know you'll be in bed works well. I take the first one at six in the morning and the second one at midnight. When I take the morning pill I just go back to sleep afterwards so that I know I won't get a chill. The warmth is supposed to create the optimum environment to produce prolactin in the body. I want to make sure I start producing as much prolactin as I can. Such a weird treatment for MS!
Aside from that, my husband stayed home from work today. I should correct that. He worked from 2:00 am until 10:30 am this morning and so he didn't need to work during the daytime when he'd normally be at the office. So he was home playing on the Xbox 360 and just generally getting underfoot! I enjoyed his company. While he was at home with me the mailman came to the door. He had a package for us. My husband swooped in and scooped it up. He then scuttled it off to a hidden location. He said "I'll take that!" and it disappeared! However, I did get a chance to feel the package before he took it. It was rectangular, had a cardboardy feeling like it could be some kind of book of something...maybe flash...but it wasn't very easy to handle...like it was kind of floppy. I guess it could have been tattoo flash, but I really have no idea. I'm beginning to be very excited about my birthday with all of these gifts and mystery presents coming to the door. My husband is hiding them all away somewhere and I'm beginning to think that maybe he's going to spoil me this year!
Prolactin Day One
05.16.07 (3:44 pm) [edit]Well today I got my "Bountiful Breast" supplement. I can't believe I have to have a drug with that label on it. *sigh* If it helps my MS it will be worth the personal humiliation. I just took my first one. It says to take on an empty stomach and when your body is between a certain range of temperatures that seems fairly warm. So, I'm wrapping myself up in fleece so I am nice and warm and I'm sitting here with my empty stomach and wondering if this is going to cause mood swings! The website says it doesn't cause mood swings, but I'll be the judge of that!
The supplement came by Purolator fairly quickly given that the other supplement (that was refused at the border) took months. We ordered the pills about a week ago...pretty good. I am SO looking forward to documenting my own progress. I know this medication is supposed to increase breast size, but that really isn't why I bought it. I realized today how much I'm hoping this will work. I was so excited when the stuff came to the door and I wasn't even thinking about the breast augmentation properties. I am actually embarrassed about that element of the drug's promise. I want to fix my brain, and quite honestly my breast size doesn't mean a lick of difference to me. I really am jazzed about this drug and I didn't realize how much so until the drug arrived!
The funny part is that even though I know my husband is happy about the possibility that this medication will "fix" my MS, when he refers to the medication "working" I am never quite sure if he means "on your disease" or if he more likely means "on your breasts". I think HE is more interested in it making my boobs big! Okay I don't really think that's the only thing he's interested in, he is very eager to see if it makes me feel any better, but he is DEFINITELY excited about the whole "bigger boobs" thing. When he asked "How long until it starts to work?" I had to clarify "Work on what?" :) The funny thing is that I kind of do see the breast enlargement as a sign that it is working. So if my breasts do enlarge I will be like "See it seems to be working." But it will probably work on the MS no matter how much my breasts actually grow.
The rationale for taking this medication comes from the strange phenomenon that has historically occurred with MS. What has often happened is that when women who have MS get pregnant they often get a complete break from their symptoms. Then after they have the baby and stop lactating they resume their symptoms because the MS is still active in their bodies. Up until now the only thing that seems to "prevent" MS is Vitamin D. They've shown how Vitamin D prevents MS in people that don't have MS but there is also some evidence to suggest that it can prevent new disease activity in those that already do have MS as well. So I have been taking Vitamin D in huge doses every day for a couple of years now. I take 3000 IU per day. It's perfectly safe, don't let any doctor tell you otherwise. My goal with taking it is to stave off any new disease activity.
So great, I have my new disease activity hopefully under control (in theory) with Vitamin D...but that has not stopped the old disease damage from causing me problems. It is presumably that damage that has caused me the neuropathic pain and fatigue that plague my everyday life. I want to see if I can reverse some of that. That's the reason for the prolactin supplement. If I can just improve my energy levels a little so that I feel more "normal" I can finally get myself back to being productive again. That increase in energy will allow me to have the energy I need to get my training as a Tattooist in Michigan, or at least that is the hope.
I could probably do the training without the prolactin supplements; I probably still have enough energy to plough through it, but I would not have the energy to really ever maintain the training or continue to do it on a regular basis or as a "career". I mean it would feel pretty futile if I was just going to keep on getting sicker. So the prolactin supplements are giving me hope that I can turn back the hands on the MS clock. That might actually afford me enough time to really get myself established as a tattooist.
Another bonus of my increasing my energy would be that I could get back to doing some of my aerobics workouts. I was trained to be an Aerobics Instructor at the Y and though I never actually taught classes, I did make up my own routines for myself and for friends of mine. I would desperately like to be able to resume exercising and turn myself back into a hardbody! I mean I'm not fat and I'm not in BAD shape, but I miss being in great shape like I used to be. It's been four or five years since I did a proper workout with full cardio and weights and stuff.
I'd also LOVE to get back into horseback riding! I used to ride horses many years ago. The last time I tried to ride at my brother's farm I was so nervous because my balance was so bad. That was about five years ago. I would love to get back into horseback riding if my balance were to improve. Oh MAN, I could also buy a three story house if I was to feel better. I wouldn't be stuck in a bungalow for the rest of my life! I LOVE old Victorian style three story homes. I would SO love to live in one that is slightly haunted. Anyway, I gave up that idea when I found out I had MS and bought a bungalow to live out my disease. What if I could get my dream home! SWEEEEEET!
Can you believe it?
05.14.07 (5:48 pm) [edit]I'm winding up for yet another migraine. I have a hard time understanding why I get so many, but I am very glad I can manage them or I'd be really bummed out about it.
I'm going to go to bed and read my tattoo mags just as soon as I put the parrot away. She's sitting beside me chatting with me and as soon as her time is up and she goes back to her cage I'll be lying down. She can tell I'm not well though and is being pretty easy on me.
I think the weather is the cause of this migraine and so I'll be glad when we get the rain that has been swirling around. Once the rain comes I'll feel much better. In the meantime my cheeks are all pink and warm from the blood pressure increase that I get when I get a migraine aura. As soon as the pressure is released by the change in barometric pressure I'll start having a pounding headache...but the build-up feels like my head's going to explode. It feels like that much pressure. Bleh.
I hate complaining, but you know what...when I'm sick I still like to talk about it a little and sometimes I think that someone might actually benefit from reading about my migraines...so I complain! :) Thanks for reading it!
Saturday Costco and Art
05.12.07 (11:02 pm) [edit]We went to a neighbour's house today where he was having an art show. We bought a lovely painting from him of a winter scene in Quebec. It's a lovely piece of art and it now hangs in our hallway. Very cool.
We also went to Costco. It was the same sprawling superstore that I remember. I wish they'd put some benches in that place...it's so huge but there's nowhere to sit if you need to rest. It was a good place to get some fruit chunks though...and some other food items. I got a membership card so my mom can go with me next time if she so wishes. She will LOVE that. My mom is a hoarder though and I suspect that when she sees the deals they have she's going to load up on everything, even though she can come back anytime she wants!
Meh.
05.12.07 (12:35 am) [edit]Another weekend. Meh.
Hey I got my "Tattoo Magazine" issue. It comes every two months. This month there is a great phoenix in one of my magazines...I forget which one actually! I should mark the magazine so I can reference it quickly when I need to show my tattooist. I want to go pretty big, starting on the top of the shoulder and working down the sleeve with the feathers reaching almost down to my wrist...almost. I still want to be able to go to the ballet without showing off my ink so I'm going to keep it below the 3/4 mark if I can. That way my sleeve of my jacket will come down over top of it and I'll be able to hide the tattoo if I so desire. So I found a great example of what I want...it's multicoloured and fairly traditional looking. I want to get the effect of having a lot of different colours...in fact I want it to be EXTREMELY colourful.
When I get a dragon tattoo on my leg, to balance out the phoenix on my arm I will go with almost NO colour. It will be a black and grey tattoo with red added to it as highlights...but basically it will be blackwork. The idea is that the phoenix represents the male energy; chaotic and vibrant the phoenix represents change. The dragon is always there...a female energy that represents the night; the dragon should be calm and deep and relatively shy of colour to balance out the phoenix. Together they are a yin/yang symbol of sorts.
Anyway this month's magazines were rife with phoenixes and I'm really excited to bring them to my tattooist and ask "Can you do this on me?" She's going to love that I have no job and can come in anytime. I hope she can bring my vision to life.
Snoozeville.
05.11.07 (12:55 am) [edit]Man things have been quiet. I'm in the process of waiting for a bunch of things to come in the mail, not the least of which is the prolactin supplement I want to take. The other things include fleece and some gifts my husband is getting for my birthday which I suspect will have to do with tattooing. I won't get to see those items until my birthday but at least I'll see that they've come in on time.
So not much is going on with me at all....facebook is even sort of getting boring now. It's like "Wow this was fun but now it just feels like killing time." And killing time is great but I wish I could kill my time a little less painfully! I think that with the nice weather I'm going to end up outside more often and facebooking less. What can I say, the computer can't hold a candle to the great outdoors!
Way too warm
05.09.07 (3:32 pm) [edit]It's way too warm outside for this time of year. My birthday is at the end of May and on RARE occasions I've been able to wear shorts on my birthday as long as I've worn a sweater or sweatshirt as my top....but this year. Man I think I'm going to be laying out in a bathing suit this year. It's way too warm. Normally at this time of year there are ditches filled with water and even old patches of snow deep in the woods. This year it's like we skipped spring and went directly to summer. And what does that mean for summer? Hot and dry would be my guess. Let's hope there are no forest fires.
Warm Day
05.08.07 (8:36 pm) [edit]It was really warm outside here today. Eastern Ontario is being given some pretty hot weather...a little out of season. I am not keen about this weather. Whenever it does something it "shouldn't" it makes me tense and agitated. I feel like I need to pace or something...like animals you see at the zoo. Climate change has me completely freaked out. I spent today outside in the sun and I got a fair bit of pink in my cheeks. I'll have to make sure that tomorrow I wear sunscreen or I may end up with a burn.
My husband stopped off and got sashimi on his way home tonight. It was just the thing for my hunger. I love sushi and sashimi...mmm. I know that many people can't stomach the idea of sushi, but once you get over that initial "it's raw fish" thing, it's actually very good. I wish I could eat it every day. He had leftover pizza and let me have all the sashimi for myself! He said he wasn't in the mood for sushi/sashimi and that he wanted me to have it all. What a sweetheart I married!
A friend of mine was in Amsterdam today. She got yelled at by a hooker while trying to photograph the red light district! The story was hilarious. I wish I could convey the amusing story she told, but it's just hilarious. Basically she had a terrible time in Amsterdam and it was culminated by this hooker in nothing but a bra and panties yelling at her "No, No, No, No, No!" when she saw her taking photos! I had no idea that the red light district was off limits to cameras...maybe it's not; maybe this hooker just thought SHE was being photographed. LOL!
Recipe that really worked
05.07.07 (4:44 pm) [edit]So the other night I decided to make something yummy for supper. We had thawed out some chicken breasts (boneless) and were going to barbecue them. Instead, I decided to slice a nice little pocket into each breast with a sharp knife. Inside the pocket I added salt, pepper, sundried tomato pesto and half a slice of provolone cheese. Then I wrapped the chicken breasts in two slices of proscuitto to hold everything in and the baked them off at 350F for 25 minutes. Then for the last five minutes I placed another slice of provolone over the top of the proscuitto and let it melt. The meal was absolutely delicious. It was all "prepared" stuff...the pesto, the cheese slices (presliced), the proscuitto (also presliced) so it was super easy and fast to assemble. However once assembled and cooked it tasted like a completely home-cooked meal and it was absolutely delicious. Worth trying if you have the stuff kicking around in your fridge. :)
Sunday Night Just Hanging Out
05.06.07 (6:40 pm) [edit]Well the title says it all, it's Sunday night and I'm just hanging out with my husband. He's playing on the Xbox 360 and I'm blogging and looking at facebook and shopping for shoes and reading the news! The internet rocks.
I'm feeling crusty lately...sort of grumpy and impatient. When I get like this I'm not as much fun to be around I don't think. I become a bit stubborn and defensive. Not sure what exactly has me feeling like this right now, but I'm going to guess that it's all the THC I'm on. Makes me paranoid too.
I am restless to get my prolactin. Instead of buying the inexpensive "Bovine Ovary Supplement" which would have cost about $75 for a six months worth, we had to buy "Bountiful Breast" brand. The reason? They're both made with the same stuff but one is labelled "Bovine Ovary Supplement" and the other is labelled "Bountiful Breast" and the one that doesn't draw attention to the whole "bovine ovaries" thing is the one that is allowed across the border. They are both made with bovine ovary supplement, but one is allowed across and the other is not. Very interesting. Anyway we ordered the Bountiful Breast and it will arrive this week they tell us. We'll see. I still don't believe it will get here...maybe that's why I'm grumpy.
I really do see this as the best way for me to "get rid of" my MS. I know there's no cure for MS, that's not what I believe will happen. I believe the prolactin will give me a temporary respite from the MS as it does in pregnant women, and that I'll have to keep going back on it periodically as I feel worse. I suspect I'll end up taking a lot of this stuff over time to keep the MS from making me feel worse. I still believe the damage will keep happening even though the prolactin will fix it. I suspect that I'll be on it for about two or three years at first and that from then on I'll need to keep an eye on my energy levels and take it if the MS flares up again.
So as I wait for the drugs to arrive I am sort of in this kind of holding pattern...knowing that I want to become a healthy person again, knowing it will happen and knowing that all of this "potential" is stuck in the mail. Lame. It will arrive though, it's just annoying to have to wait.
Saturday Night Hockey
05.05.07 (10:33 pm) [edit]My husband is out at the hockey game at a friend's house. I've never understood why men felt it was necessary to exclude women from hockey game parties, but it's a very annoying Canadian tradition. It's like any other night of the year you'd just invite a couple over, but suddenly when it's a hockey game guys act like suddenly women are this strange species that couldn't possibly enjoy hockey. Lame.
So here I sit on a Saturday night, by myself...and I'm LOVING IT! I love to be by myself. I don't love being left alone in favour of a party I'm not invited to, but hey I'll take it if it means I get some time to catch up on my blog, shop for shoes online (I am addicted to Zappos.com) and surf the net in search of the perfect phoenix tattoo.
Speaking of tattoos, my tattoo magazines arrived. I now get Skin Shots and Skin Deep. I'm still waiting for my next installment of Tattoo Magazine. I think it might be a bi-monthly production. Anyway, Skin Shots is going to be fantastic because it's all photos of tattoos...no real articles. It's great if you're looking for ideas. I'm going to keep these magazines in protective binders and have them in my shop for ideas for people. It's always "ideas" that keep people from getting ink. In other words I know a lot of people that will want tattoos if I can just get their brains thinking of ideas. So many people say "I'd love to get a tattoo but I just don't know what to get." I want to make sure they have plenty of ideas.
Incidentally if you're thinking of getting a tattoo, the absolute BEST way to decide what you want is to get as many tattoo magazines as you can and just start looking at them. The ideas will start flowing as the images stir your creative juices. You can look at flash art too, but seeing the images actually on the skin and done custom will give you the idea of what you should really be thinking about. Flash is great if you have a specific thing in mind and want to see a rendering of that thing...but you should always then customize the flash to your own application and to your own skin. Basically every tattoo should be unique even if it's not completely original. They should all be bigger than you think as well. Always go bigger...it looks much better in the long run.
So I think I'll put my laptop away and ...oh I almost forgot. It occurred to me the other day as I was looking at my facebook friends that the reason I was not friends with all these people for all the years since school or whenever I first met them is because I grew apart from them. Like maybe forcing myself to be friends with people I haven't seen in ages isn't necessarily the best idea...maybe we were never friends to begin with and that's why I had lost touch. Something to consider. Perhaps we grow away from people for a reason...we outgrow them. Perhaps there's not much else to say besides "Hey, hope life works out for you...see you at the finish line!"
So yeah I'm going to put the laptop away and go read some art magazines. :) Have a great Saturday.
Bored
05.03.07 (5:58 pm) [edit]Not too much going on...just bored. My girlfriend may come by later. She wanted to bring me a sample of her stuff she sells. She sells all these products...sort of like Mary Kay or Avon or other door to door sales. Anyway, she's into this stuff and I'm not going to begrudge her that, but still...I hate buying products like this. However, it will save me the effort of having to go out and buy an exfoliant or microderm abrasion kit so I'll give it a try. I just don't like being sold to. Especially from friends. I guess that's how anyone gets started though and what she doesn't realize is that later I'm going to want to tattoo her!
Mwuhahahahaha! Be careful who you sell your wares to!
Happy Beltane!
05.01.07 (3:44 pm) [edit]For all who are celebrating May Day or Beltane, have a good one! I wanted to burn our Winter Solstice tree but it probably won't happen because of the high winds. There's a no-burn rule in effect when it gets this windy. I suspect we'll just have to save the burning until it's a bit warmer out. Seems funny having a bonfire when it's warm out...but that is when we tend to have them isn't it!
I'm all cranky and crampy from my period. Ugh. I don't usually mention it but this month I'm just aching. It's actually making me feel ill...like it's taking a lot out of me, which is unusual. I have never liked having a period because mine was always like a tidal wave that lasted eight full days. As I aged I got on the pill and it improved in duration but it was still usually a horrible time of the month for me because I gained two sizes in my clothing for at least a full week. To this day I still gain the weight/water every month and then lose it after the week of PMS is done. My family has a way of making sure they ask me to something that inevitably coincides with the time when I'm the most bloated and bitchy. It never fails. "Come on by for supper...we're having steak on the bbq." It's always right at the leading edge of my period...and I spend the entire time bloated and unable to eat. Every time.
Anyway, I went off the pill a while ago and now I'm going back to the really heavy, crampy and terrible periods I used to have as a teenager...now I remember why I was so miserable all the time! Stupid clothes are all tight around the belly...yuck. I have a craving for dill pickles! Bleh.
Happy May Day Anyway! :)