Wolfen's Blog

2007

Well it's about 15 minutes after midnight and I played "Witchy Woman" by the Eagles as my "New Year's Song". I have no idea what it will mean for my year, but it will definitely be fun to see what happens!

I'm glad the new year is upon us now so we can get back to normal. All of this holiday crap starts to suck wildly after a while. I love it for a week, but if it lasted any longer I think I'd go mental! Not to mention the fact that the holiday season knocks the crap out of me, I actually had a wonderful time. I guess what it comes down to is this...I have a great family. As annoying as all of this stuff is with the holidays, at least my family is worth the effort. :) Everything else is just tinsel and dressing. I wish I was able to enjoy it as much as my mother does, but I simply never will...but that's okay because SHE enjoys it that much. I find it more silly than that, but it's all good. Families that are silly are few and far between.

Happy New Year's Eve...sort of

Well it's New Year's Eve...according to the western calendar...which is actually not correct, but I guess it's easier to ring in the new year when you go to the trouble of changing the year.  Personally I think the new year should start the day after Winter Solstice.

Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year...which would indicate it's the end of the year.  The days get longer after Winter Solstice and so that would indicate a new year starting.  Or maybe the first day of spring should be the new year because it's the beginning of the first season of the year.  But having New Year's on January 1 doesn't really make sense from a planetary point of view.  I like science.  The Druid and so called "pagan" calendars use the planetary cycles to define the year and that is actually more accurate than using a numeric system. Besides, they used that system for thousands of years before the Christians changed it.  Seems to me that they were forced into adopting the new calendar, but it wasn't necessarily the "best" calendar.  Kinda like Beta versus VHS...the one we use is not necessarily the technically better way, it's just the one that got foisted upon us.

Lazing around

Today my husband and I were just lazing around blah, blah, blabbing when he got a phone call that changed everything. He was told that the company drug plan will be changing...cutbacks. We did the math and the increased expenses total about $175/month. That's for medications. Anyway, because of that little bit of information, my husband decided that he would rather work for a company that will pay him more than he is making now and will cover all the drug expenses they should.

He made a couple of quick inquiries and now it looks like he may be in line for a much better job than he has now. That would be so much better for us and it would mean that the cost of drugs would not be a problem. Having had this little scare and not knowing what it would mean, we realize that the drugs I'm on cost about $1300/month...we did the math. We also realize that they can be replaced with one drug that would be free if the government would allow it. Currently I take Sativex cannabinoid spray and Nabilone (THC). These drugs can be replaced with about 5 grams of pot each day. Currently I'd have to convince my neurologist to change my prescriptions to pot if I was unable to afford (drug plan) my drugs.

My neurologist doesn't like to prescribe pot because his ass is not covered for it by the college of physicians. So if my insurance plan disappeared tomorrow I'd still be able to find relief in pot, if I could get my neurologist to prescribe it...which he would be very reluctant to do. But I CAN get it...if I find the right doctor, and there are a few...I could be covered for my own pot useage. That said, there are SO many MS patients in the US that do not even have the options that I am discussing here.

For one thing, most American neurologists do not seem to prescribe even the synthetic version of pot, which is legal in most states. They are not informed about how neuropathic pain can be helped with cannabinoids. Because they are not familiar with the concept, they are dubious to say the least. On top of that, the drug marijuana is not legal in the US for any reason, unlike here in Canada where they make you jump through a million hoops to get it, in the US you cannot get it period. That means they are not familiar with all the great successes we've had with the drug. They do not know how some people can lead almost normal lives who would otherwise be in horrible pain...people like me.

This little scare did not affect my husband and I very badly because we were able to use it to help decide it was time for him to move on to a better employer...but not everyone can turn a sour peach into a silk purse; and most people do not have the instant job prospects that my husband has because he happens to be an uber-geek. In fact, most people who work at his workplace will just take the fact that their benefits are being cut and say "Well there's nothing I can do about it." And they're right too...I mean not everyone can just say "Sorry that's not good enough." My point in all of this is that most people cannot easily bounce back from an extra $175/month drug bill being dropped like a bombshell with absolutely not warning "effective January 1". That will be enough of a change in money for some people to have to move to cheaper housing...and some people won't be able to afford it no matter what they do. Of course not everyone is on the drugs I'm on, and not everyone will be effected in a way that hurts them now, but EVERYONE who works there is at risk of suffering the same fate that I would have.

In the future they cannot just get the drugs they need from the drug plan...they have to pay for a percentage of the drugs. That percentage penializes the sickest people the most. It's a descriminatory measure because it creates the hardest situation for the people with the worst physical illnesses. It will be worth having a lawyer look at this new "company policy" to see what they think of it. Betcha my husband's boss didn't know we have one on retainer.

Pretty Sleepy

I only got about five hours of sleep last night because my leg is having muscle cramps from hell.  I am now taking morphine to deal with the muscle pain.  I can take THC to deal with neuropathic pain, but it doesn't do a whole lot for muscle cramping, at least I don't find it helps.  Some people do find it helps.  I find that morphine is the only thing that helps with severe muscle cramps.  Lately I have been getting more and more muscle cramps in my quad muscles of my right leg.  Last night and today they were spectacularly painful. 

My in-laws are coming over today so I hope I'm able to be awake and entertaining at that time.  It's pretty "hit and miss" with me sometimes.  I was lucky this year over the holidays but I may have a new cold or something because I'm back to feeling like things are not 100% again.

Feeling pretty dern good!

Well today I'm feeling great!  I got a good long sleep but my husband woke me up at 10 am so I didn't sleep too long.  That's a big plus for tonight because I'll be able to sleep tonight at a reasonable time.  My husband and I have been letting the days slide into the night lately and we've managed to become very nocturnal by accident!  We'd like to get that back to a more normal schedule so that we don't end up exhausted when he goes back to work!

Last night I got a phone call from a friend of mine who got engaged over Christmas.  How excellent for her!  I was so thrilled to hear that she's doing really well too.  She has a good job and she's enjoying it.  She wasn't enjoying her job for a long time but she got promoted and now she's really enjoying the new responsibilities.  The job is right up her alley and she's very good at it, so it makes it fun.  I was so thrilled to get some good news after having seen my other girlfriend who was so bummed out.  It's nice to see some people are doing well finally after struggling along for so long.  I hope we're invited to the wedding because they make a great couple.  I like going to weddings where I actually believe the couple has a chance of succeeding!  I hate it when you're at the wedding thinking "Wow, I wonder how long this will last."

Today my husband is off at the shops getting some groceries and a few items we need to get us through until New Year's.  We needed some cheese (lately it's all I eat!) and we needed a gift certificate for a gift we also need to give sometime soon.  We waited until after Christmas because we knew we wouldn't see them until then.  Gift certificates are not the most personal gifts but they are often the best gift, especially for the people we need to get it for.  Their house is literally CRAMMED with crap.  I refuse to buy them anything that will take up space in that little storage facility they call a house.  It's a fire hazzard how much stuff is piled up in boxes or piles in their home.  There is literally a path to each room and that's it.  The dining room table is loaded sky-high with crap.  It's so bad that I can't even go in there because I feel like I can't breathe.  So until they throw out some stuff (yeah, right!) or they get a bigger house, I just refuse to be a party to the insanity that is their home.  Instead, they can eat out at a restaurant.  Hey, if I lived in that place, a meal in a restaurant would be the first thing I'd want!  Anything to get out of there.

Finally a normal day!

Today was the first day of the holiday vacation that was actually "normal" in any way.  My husband and I spent it lazing around and enjoying the peace and quiet.

Yesterday my friend and her kids came by for Boxing Day treats and snacks.  They opened their gifts and we opened ours.  It was nice.  My friend seems kind of sad though.  I wish that wasn't the case.  I think her marriage is going poorly and I honestly don't think it's going to last much longer.  There was this overwhelming "pall" over the whole visit, like she's not telling me the whole truth.  I got the feeling that her husband's absence at both parties I saw her at this season tells a lot more about the state of things than she could ever with her words.  I think they're having a rough time.  I don't think it's going to get better.  I think her husband is going slowly insane...like mental illness insane...and eventually his cocaine addiction will consume him. 

That's right, he's a coke addict.  There are millions of them out there.  Anyway, her husband decided stupidly to become one at some point and though he's supposed to be clean right now, I don't think he is.  That's why he avoided seeing me this holiday.  I know when someone is using.  He knows I can tell.  I know coke-heads.  I also think he's pulling away from his family with this total workaholic thing.  Anyway, I have lots of thoughts about this and that, but what I know for sure is that my best girlfriend is suffering, but until she tells me that she's suffering I can't do anything but be supportive in the background.  I wish she would have been able to open up more but with the kids there she didn't want to say too much.  That was Boxing Day, and as much as I had wished she wasn't going to be alone on Boxing Day, she tells me that she was alone every day over the holidays.  He was home on Christmas Eve, and that was it.  That speaks volumes.  I think she sees the writing on the wall.  I think she's sort of in denial right now, but she'll figure it out soon and when that happens I think she's going to be a mess.

All I know is that I was not in the mood for visitors after two days of "Christmas".  I was thinking of calling the whole thing off before she could come by.  I'm really glad I didn't do that.  She told me that it was something she was really looking forward to.  Because she is left alone with the kids 99% of the time, she feels like she hasn't talked to an adult in days.  Everyone assumes that families are all happy and together at Christmas but this woman is alone with her kids, and even though she has a nice big supportive family, they all have their own families and their own traditions.  Nobody imagines them being just the kids and her alone all the time.  After a while of talking only to kids, you begin to feel like you might just be going nuts!  I believe that's where she is now.  She said she was looking forward to getting back to work because she wouldn't feel so alone; she'd have some adults to talk to and life would get back to normal.

The holidays are a terrible time of year if you are alone.  It's not even fair that we "assume" so many people are "happy" during this time of year.  It's incorrect.  All the holidays do for many people is polarize the world into thinking that everyone else is happy but them.  The truth is that most people are not happy.  The holidays are this very saccharine sweet time that are idyllic and crazy and unless you're in the minority of the population who is happy and healthy, the holidays are often a disappointment to many and at the very worst, a completely depressing time of year.  If you're not happy at Christmas, you are a lot more keenly aware of it than you are at Halloween.  I mean let's face it, Halloween is all about death and rebirth.  Christmas is just about being with family...but what if you don't have any, or what if you're estranged from them...then what?  I mean you can still enjoy Halloween even if you don't have family...but Christmas is laced with personal booby traps that are designed to make us feel blessed, unless we are NOT blessed, then they just remind us in a very personal way of our life's suddenly apparent inadequacie s.  That is why Winter Solstice is a much better holiday as far as I'm concerned.  Nobody ever felt the need to feel bad about the beginning of winter.  It has nothing to do with their own lives at that time, they simply need to think about the new season.

All of that to say that I believe my friend is suffering and as far as I can see, many people are suffering right now.  Having a celebration that means nothing right in the middle of that seems to just mock those who would be suffering right now.  It's like "I don't want to think about that right now...it's Christmas!"  If there was ever a time of year to think about those who are alone, it is now...simply because the whole world is telling them how much they are alone, by reminding them of how much they are missing.  The truth?  They're not missing anything, but we've made them feel like they have.  Our bad.

Quick Post

Well it's Christmas day.  My family celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, but tonight we're going to my in-laws for "Christmas" all over again. It will be the whole holiday celebrated on Christmas day instead of Christmas Eve.  Both of our families normally celebrate on Christmas Eve, so that's a bit weird for my husband.  He's never missed a Christmas Eve with his family, but last night was his first.  He seemed okay!  We'll see how I do next year when the whole party happens at their place on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day we go to my parents' place.  It will make things different for me, but that's probably a good thing...not to get too stuck in my ways.

We are going to get ready to go soon, so I just wanted to quickly stop in and say that my husband is a wonderful man.  He bought me a new laptop!  I had been using this VERY slow desktop machine that I am actually using right now because my husband is setting my new laptop up for me!  It's got flames on it!  Seriously, it's got a big sticker thing that you put on the lid.  It means my laptop looks very cool...like a hot rod! :)  It's a Dell Inspiron with a dual core processor, but as far as numbers and stuff go, I haven't got it in front of me.  He tells me it's "cutting edge".  I think it's funny that I used to know this stuff.  I used to be so much more geeky!  What I do like is that it has a wide screen so it's very large looking when you're using it.  I love my laptop, especially all the flames, but I'm mostly going to love not needing to be in the office to use the computer. 

Along with that fantastic gift, my husband also got me some old tattoo publications and some "How to draw" cartoon/animation books.  I know how to draw, but these will help me to learn to draw the things people want on their bodies.  He's also subscribed me to two Tattoo magazines so I can learn about what is current and what is new.  I also want to attend some of the tattoo conventions or shows when I can find them, so these publications will help me to keep informed.  I am looking forward to getting a tattoo gun soon and starting to learn how to use it.

Another gift my husband got me is one of those Russian Nesting Dolls.  You know the ones with the dolls that fit inside of another doll and so on and so on.  The smallest doll in my set is the size of a plastic pin head.  You know if you see a pin that has a little round ball on the top of it that's plastic?  That is literally the size of the smallest nesting doll.  It's amazing.  I put the doll on display in the living room and it looks gorgeous.  I have to keep it out of the reach of any kids that might come over because the pieces are so small that they'd be lost if they were "played" with.  So if a kid comes by and wants to see it, I will have to remove the last 3 dolls and keep them aside so they don't lose them.  Otherwise though, it totally reminds me of when I was a kid and my cousin's family had a BIG Russian nesting doll.  It was aweseome to open up and see that it was really from Russia too!  Nice touch!

Friday before Christmas

Well it's Friday, before Christmas.  I will probably not be blogging much this week, although I will try to write when I can.  It's a busy time of year and with my husband home for the week, I expect we'll be busy with family.  As such, this will be my last post probably before the new year.  I will still be reading my emails though so if you need to get a hold of me, just send me a Tblog message.

There, now I can get to my post! 

I've been really nauseated since the party last weekend.  I am normally a picky eater, but now I'm almost unable to eat.  It's sad.  I don't know if I irritated my stomach lining with all the puking I did last weekend, or if I picked up some kind of flu bug at the party, but whatever it is I have been taking a lot of gravol and ginger pills to deal with the nausea. 

If you have never tried ginger for nausea, it works like a charm.  Gravol makes ginger pills conveniently enough, but you can also buy ginger from the grocery store for almost nothing.  Here's a tip I saw on a cooking show: freeze ginger to keep it moist and fresh, and just shave it with a grater when you need it.  Keep the ginger root in the freezer and if you feel ill, shave some into a glass of water.  You need about a teaspoon full of shaved ginger to really keep your tummy from feeling gross.  That's why they suggest gingerale when you're stomach feels sick, but to control nausea, you need a good amount (like a teaspoon) of ginger.

Anyway, I've been taking ginger and gravol (anti-nausea medication) and I've been walking around feeling like there's something very wrong with me...like I could be sick at a moment's notice, so I assume that I've either got a flu or I'm pregnant!  And since that's simply not possible (it's a calendar thing!) I know it must be something like a flu bug.  You'd think that I'd be sicker though if I had a flu.  Like I've had a flu before and it's usually spectacular!  There's no mistaking it for anything else.  There's vomit, diarrhea...no I don't feel like I really have a flu either.  Weird.

My mother-in-law just called me to give her son a message.  I really take exception to this.  My memory is HORRIBLE.  I can't remember anything.  But now I'm supposed to not only remember what she said but tell it to her son because she didn't want to disturb him at work.  So it's okay to disturb me at home?  What the fuck?  I really take exception to the inference that my time is worthless and therefore I am the person to leave messages with.  Send a fucking email if you don't want to disturb him.  I AM NOT HIS FUCKING SECRETARY.  There.  That feels a lot better.  

She acts like nothing you give her as a gift is interesting, unless her son gave it to her.  He could bring her a box of mouldy old cheese and she'd tell him it was the best gift she'd ever received, until she finds out that I did all the shopping.  So now she just smiles and says "oh that's nice" with this absolutely lackluster expression.  I really wish she would just stop it altogether.  She doesn't want anyone or anything to touch her son.  The entire time we're there she pawns off her windbag husband on me and spends her time cornering and isolating her son so she can monopolize him.  It's creepy.  She paws him and caresses him in front of me like he's HER son...not my husband.  I am literally there to entertain her husband so she can concentrate on what's important.  I can't fucking stand it.  Her husband talks incessantly and I can't follow a single word he says.  He's one of those English types that likes to hear the sound of his own voice for hours.  He can take a story about walking to the store and turn it into a five hour epic saga about a man and his struggle for survival. It's insane.  I can't stand it.

Sorry, that was a bit too much venting for one day.  I love my husband's parents but I love them because they're my husband's parents, not because I think they're such great people.  I think they're insane actually, but that's besides the point.  I mostly just object to being treated like a second class citizen within my own family.  I'm not my husband's secretary and I am not his servant.  I don't treat my husband the way she treats hers (like he's above her).  I am at least my husband's equal and she needs to treat my time and my feelings with the same care she gives him.  If not, I can just stop going.  Yes I am that much of a bitch.

And on that note...Merry Christmas!  :)  Ho-ho!  Have a happy new year too!  I really am a nice person, I just can't stand my mother-in-law...is that really so uncommon?

Winter Solstice!

In 2006 at precisely 7:22 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on December 21 (00:22 UTC on December 22) winter begins in the Northern Hemisphere and summer begins in the Southern Hemisphere.

It's Winter Solstice tonight.  That means we're officially on the shortest day of the year.  From now on winter days get longer as the sun slowly moves back to its full incarnation.  The sun we see each day will be but a glimpse of the sun over the planet...poking its head out each day for a few minutes to remind us that we're still here on planet earth but not enough to warm us up!

The concept of celebrating the end of the year and the beginning of the next has been a theme throughout history.  Our calendar is actually incorrect because it's based on the calendar originally invented by Julius Ceasar and then later "perfected" by the Church...you know except for leap years and a few extra minutes each decade!  Anyway, back to Winter Solstice...it's the time of year when we think about the passing of the old year and look forward to the new.  We eat abundantly from the fruits of our harvests and enjoy company with family and friends. 

Today really begins the official beginning of the Christmas season as far as I'm concerned.  It is the last day of fall and the first day of winter, but it's also the "end" of the Druid calendar year.  Happy Winter Solstice!  Enjoy the entire season!

YAWN!

Ever wake up feeling exhausted?  I'm pretty sleepy still, but I did just wake up a little while ago so I will chalk it up to that.  Otherwise, I actually feel pretty good today.  I've been having the odd headache though and nausea has been occasionally bugging me too.  It's like every so often I feel pukey and gross for no apparent reason.  Last night I even ran to the toilet thinking I was going to be sick but then was fine.  Weird.  Hey maybe I'm pregnant.  That would be quite an achievement considering I haven't forgotten a birth control pill in months!  Still it is one of those things that makes you wonder.

I got a phone call last week from the family doctor.  My pap test came back "funny".  They need to get another sample but it looks like I "may" have some kind of cyst or other growth they need to examine.  PAP tests screen for cervical cancer so it could be that, but usually it's not full out cancer when they find something in your PAP; usually it's just pre-cancerous or even totally benign cells that look different from normal cells.  They want to repeat the PAP test on me in June.

If the test finds more serious changes in the cells of the cervix, the doctor will suggest more powerful tests. Results of these tests will help him decide on the best treatment. These include:

• Colposcopy: The doctor uses a tool called a colposcope to see the cells of the vagina and cervix in detail.
• Endocervical curettage: The doctor takes a sample of cells from the endocervical canal with a small spoon-shaped tool called a curette.
• Biopsy: The doctor removes a small sample of cervical tissue. The sample is sent to a lab to be studied under a microscope.

Of course they usually can treat any cancer or cysts or other problems without too much complication, but the idea that you "could" have cervical cancer and that they won't screen me again until June is a bit distressing.  I mean they need that long of a time to pass in order for "whatever it is" to develop a tiny bit more I suppose, before they can get an accurate reading on it, but sometimes I just think my doctor's office is dropping the ball.  Sometimes I wonder if waiting for a full six months to do another screen is wise.  A lot can happen in six months with cancerous or pre-cancerous cells.  If it's just a cyst there's no worry, but if it's not...well you can see that it's already bugging me!

Cervical cancer would be a slap in the face though wouldn't it!  I mean I thought MS was bad...but the big C is always worse.  The good news is that whatever it is, cervical cancer or just a false positive, it has been discovered.  That's a sign that the system works!  PAP smears are very important and this proves it.

The treatment for cervical cancer is usually hysterectomy.  They can sometimes do it without completely removing your reproductive organs, but that's not usually the way they "like" to do it unless it's a really small and isolated bit of cancer.  They only do it that way if they can remove all the cancer.  They do understand though that people might like to have children and so they don't always remove the entire reproductive system if they don't have to.  Still...yikes!  Surgery is always part of the procedure if cancer is involved I guess.  You know what else is involved?  Chemo and radiation.  That's the part I'm afraid of.  Actually the whole thing is scary, but the good news is that there's a VERY high chance that it's not cancer and that even if it was it would not kill me.  But Cervical cancer is nothing to sneeze at, that's for sure. 

What I am sort of taking some solace in is the fact that my own doctor did not behave like it was an "emergency" thing...it was more of a run of the mill thing.  The nurse was very much like "We're now booking appointments for June, so anytime in June is fine...there's no rush."  But to me that sounded a lot more like "We're booking for June so I guess that means that will be when you get screened...no matter what we'd prefer."  It sounded a little apologetic on the part of the nurse...like she expected me to be angry.  I wasn't angry, but I'm putting my faith in them that if it was even slightly serious that they'd have me screened again fairly soon.  I hope I can keep that faith until June.

Much better today!

Today I'm feeling MUCH better than I was even yesterday.  I was so tired and lethargic yesterday.  Last night I slept the deepest sleep I can remember in a long time.  Today I feel like a million bucks!  Well okay, that might be an exaggeration but I do feel pretty damn good!

A bonus from all of that sickness and then yesterday I barely ate a thing...I have lost weight!  Okay it may not be the best way to lose weight, but that rocks!  Of course it wasn't worth it, but it's over now and if nothing else, some little positive thing came out of it...and that's what I'll focus on!

Tonight my husband is going to get sashimi and some sushi on his way home.  I gave him some money I had in my coat pocket (leftover from buying the Christmas tree) and asked if we could have some sushi.  I have a real craving.  I mean I always love sushi, but I have a real craving for it now...like I keep thinking about it!  Living with me and my cravings must be a constant source of "variety" for my husband! (that was a nice way of saying it must be insane!)

Hey I caught the Grinch last night on CBC, can't miss it!  That's the best Christmas movie of all.  At least that's my opinion.  Of all the Christmas specials, that one captures the spirit of Christmas the best I think.  I like the Charlie Brown Christmas, but it's a bit more religious than I'm fond of.  The fact is that Christmas was Winter Solstice a long time before it was Christmas and THAT is the true spirit of Christmas...which is well demonstrated in the cartoon. 

That circle of Who's singing is a classic pagan ritual, especally with the Christmas tree right there in the middle of it.  Though Christians like to claim they own Christmas, the fact is that it existed as "Solstice" for THOUSANDS of years before Christ was born.  Stonehenge is a classic example of that tradition.  To truly honour the spirit of Christmas you must include that pagan base and the Grinch is not exclusive of anyone.  It simply says that it's the time of year when you should take some time to value the feast, the family and friends.  Anyone who says that Christmas is only about the birth of Christ is missing another layer to the holiday...the pagan layer.  It is the basis of the holiday and because the Christians couldn't get the pagans to give up Winter Solstice for any reason, they decided to call it Christmas and celebrate Christ's birthday (which is by the way, in April). 

The fact is that the whole celebration is actually from pagan roots and I believe that's where it should stay.  It should be more like Thanksgiving or Halloween (another classic Pagan holiday).  All I'm saying is that the Grinch seems to be more inclusive and invites people of all faiths to enjoy this time of year...not just Christians.  I know it's hard to believe, but Christians did not create Christmas, they just tried to own it.  They put their name on it and gave it new meanings, but they did not create it or its traditions and so you should NOT need to be Christian to enjoy every minute of it.  It is not about religion, it's about love and reaching out to people.  That's what Christmas is about.  Anyone who says it's only a Christian celebration has, I believe, missed the whole point.  It's not a day to celebrate Christ's birth, it's a day to celebrate life and death and rebirth.  It's about the whole circle of life thing...far more inclusive a theme than celebrating the birth of one specific historical person that not everyone cares about.  Everyone of every faith should care about family, friends and enjoying life.  Those things should be universal and therefore so should Christmas.  But I think it should be called Winter Solstice.  That way we can all enjoy it.

MS and Christmas parties

This weekend my husband and I went to a Christmas party.  It was fun.  I drank too many Cosmopolitans and was feeling no pain.  I was Miss Party!  You know, laughing and having a great time.  I was so sick the next day that I think I might have had blood alcohol poisoning.  The problem was that I was drinking Cosmos...all alcohol, very little mix.  I got pretty hammered and though I didn't actually make a fool of myself, I felt like I did because I can't specifically remember any of the conversations I had, except that I kept telling people how awesome they were!  "You rock!"  People love to hear that!

Anyway, the next day I was sick all day long and I felt like death warmed over.  I am still not "normal" because I'm still having sweats as the last dregs of alcohol come out I guess.  I never drink anymore.  I haven't been drunk since the exact same Christmas party last year!  But this time was different.  I was actually afraid I might be so sick that I'd have to go to the hospital.  That would be a new low for me.  The MS definitely made things worse too because while I was hungover I couldn't take any of my THC (too much for the liver) and so I was also experiencing neuropathic pain while I was going through the process of rehydrating myself and keeping down food.

The whole thing sucked and it's been such a nasty experience for me that I doubt I'll drink again for a very long time.  It's just not something I'm good at anymore!  MS makes everything worse, and hangovers are not something I can handle with MS.  So there we go, it's a virtual version of the "I'll never drink again!"  I really doubt I will though.  :)

Tree is done

The tree is up and decorated.  I'm so happy to have that done.  Now we just need to get all the gifts wrapped and under said tree.  That's a big job and it's hard to get motivated to do it.  I could do them just one at a time, but once you have the paper, ribbon, scissors and tape out, why not just get as many done as you can.  So then it becomes a job that you know once you get going you'll do most or all of the wrapping in one time.  I am just waiting until the right time to do that! 

One thing I have to wait for is for the parrot to go away for the day.  Once she's in her cage for the evening I can get busy wrapping.  Until then I'm just going to be dealing with her if I try to get anything done.  It's  like having a two year old toddler around.  You just figure you'll wait until they're asleep before you can really get anything done!  Parrots are a lot of fun, but when you are trying to do arts and crafts or anything involving both hands, they can be a bit of a mittful!  I have learned to rearrange my day a little to make it easier on myself while the bird is out.  So for example, I don't eat lunch until later in the day.  Eating is an option with a parrot, only if you're prepared to share your lunch with them.  I usually don't do that because as soon as the dog sees the parrot eating from my hand, he wants to kill her!  So to keep the peace and the balance, I only feed her from my hand if the dog is outside!  As a result, if the dog is outside I sometimes will eat a snack with the parrot. 

Most of the time I can't be bothered with that much covert ops.  I usually decide to just wait until she goes away for the evening.  At this time of year it means that she is only out for about 4 hours before it gets dark.  As soon as it's dark she goes to sleep.  So during the winter we see a lot less of her than we do in the summer.  And she spends a lot more time sleeping and playing in her cage.  Then in the summer we spend a lot longer with each other.  Summertime can be a bit difficult except that as a snack, I can give her fresh fruit while I'm eating and the dog doesn't seem to care that much.  Summer is easier because I can go outside with her too.  So even though she's out for more hours during the hot summer days, she's also more busy and less needing to be entertained.  Parrots are a ton of fun though...despite all of that work!

The only thing I wish was different was that my parrot would like my husband, which she does not!  She is very jealous of my husband's affection towards me and so she HATES him.  She tries to attack him whenever she can, and he's been sweet enough to make a game out of it that he plays with her.  She chases him around the room trying to bite his feet and he runs ahead of her so she can get some exercise!  It's so funny to watch and we've even filmed it.  The dog will join in though and that's when it has to stop.  The dog very quickly sees it not as a game of chase, but as a chance to chase the bird and possibly eat her!  So as soon as he sees what's going on we usually have to stop the game.  Unless he's outside.  You can imagine what weekends look like around this house.  Everyone running through the house chasing each other hoping the dog doesn't come inside and break it up!

Getting there...

We're almost done decorating the tree.  Tonight I'll get my husband to put the angel on the top (he's 6'4" tall) and wrap the garland around.  Then we'll need to put the bows on the tree as the final step. 

We don't use tinsel or angel hair on the tree (even though my parents do) because personally I think that when you angel hair a Christmas tree it makes it look like it was attacked by some crazy pile of spiders.  I dislike spiders immensely and would really prefer not to have to put on rubber gloves to decorate my tree.  Angel hair is fibreglass and it's really horribly itchy stuff.  I never understood why anyone used it on their tree, much less why WE used it on ours! 

And then there's the tinsel.  Tinsel is really a bad idea if you have pets, which we do.  Dogs and cats can get stray pieces of tinsel into their tummies accidentally and it can twist around in their stomachs and intestines and can literally kill the pet.  Why would I ever want to take that risk?  If you have pets you shouldn't use tinsel or angel hair...so we don't.  We use gold garland beads and beautiful burgundy, gold and white bows.  So much easier to clean up at the end of the season too!  The whole look is very Victorian and we even put on candles instead of just lights.  The candles are not "real" but they look real.  They're actually little lights on the end of plastic "candlesticks" but the effect is very nice.  Anyway, all of that to say that we have a really great tree!

Tree Day

Today my mom and dad are coming by to take me to the tree lot.  It will be nice to finally get a Christmas tree.  Once it arrives here my husband will have to put it into the tree stand so we can let it thaw out and sort of relax.  We're supposed to water it first with sprite or 7up mixed with water and then just water after that.

This weekend we have my cousin's Christmas party to go to and then the following day my parents have invited us to have supper (if we want) and decorate their tree.  I don't know if we'll go to both of those events so I'll just wait until I see how I feel.  My parents' tree trimming party is one of those "if you can make it" things whereas the party is an annual tradition so I think we'll go to the party and see how we feel the next day.  Don't want to do too much in one weekend, even if it is right before Christmas.

Once the tree is in and up then I can get the gifts wrapped and put them under the tree.  That's really the only thing left to do once the tree is up.  Nice timing too because we want to have everything ready to go a couple of days before Christmas actually arrives so we can enjoy it!

On the gift front, a big box arrived today for my husband.  It doesn't say what it is but it's from Dell so I'm pretty stoked!  I can't guess what it is, maybe a cool printer.  Maybe it's not a gift at all, but something from Dell that he needs for the office!  That would be funny.  Anyway, whatever it is, it arrived today and it's sitting waiting for my husband to inspect it.

Vitamin reaction

This morning I added Niacin (B3) to my vitamin list.  I read a good article on Medscape about vitamin B3 being helpful for rebuilding CNS tissue.  Seemed like a good idea to me and so I added B3 to my morning pills.

I don't know if you've ever taken vitamin B3 (Niacin), but it can cause this funny side effect where you flush red and feel all hot in the skin.  I had this side effect without knowing it was a "harmless" but unusual side effect of Niacin.  So what happens is you get hot in the face, then your skin feels like it's burning.  You notice your skin in your hands getting puffy and look at your arms to see them puffing up as well.  My eyelids puffed up and turned pink, like I was badly burned.  I got white lips, and my entire body turned red and hot.  Then things got worse.  I got feeling like I was going to throw up and so I went to the bathroom.  I didn't throw up and so I wanted to get back in bed.  I nearly collapsed on my way back to bed.  I lay down on the little sheepskin rug beside the bed and was sweating profusely.  I pressed my wrists (pulse points) and arms against the cool wood floor on either side of the little rug to cool myself off quickly.  I was sure I was dying because my heart was pounding, my body was swollen and pulsing and felt like it was itchy and burning and I felt like my breathing wasn't too good.  And then it stopped.  Within another few minutes I was fine.  I went to the computer, looked up "Vitamin B3" and "side effects" and the first thing I got was "Niacin Flush", which is the term for it.  Talk about a scary morning!  It really felt like I was having a bad allergic reaction.  I was getting ready to call 9-1-1 when it just disappeared as quickly as it had come on.  It's hard to believe that this vitamin is good for me, but it is!

I think I'll try cutting the pills in half and seeing if I can stand the feeling.  Maybe if I take them at night it will be better as well.  I think that it didn't help that I took the niacin with my blood pressure medication.  I think that taking the b3 at night will be better for my chills too.  Think about it, I get cold at night and the side effects of these pills are to cause hot flushing!  Perfect!  I'll use one crazy side effect to counteract another crazy side effect!

So with all of this excitement I forgot about the migraine I've been fighting.  That's right, I had a migraine last night and though I don't feel its pain right now, I do feel a pressure in my head that I know is still the same migraine, just waiting.  By 4:00 pm it should be back again, I can tell.  I am ready though and I know how to treat the migraine.  I take extra THC for migraines.  It means that when I have a migraine I end up being a lot more stoned than usual, but I don't feel the pain of the headache.  However, I still feel weird and I still feel like the migraine is there...it's just that I don't feel the headache.  For that part of it I usually have to take a Tylenol.  For some reason the Tylenol just works to get rid of that funny migraine feeling.  I can walk around feeling a bit stoned and dizzy but otherwise pretty much in control of my migraine just by using the THC pills and Tylenol.  For me that's huge because I've tried EVERY drug on the market for migraines and none of them works for very long for me.  I would take them and they'd work the first few times I'd use them but then after that it was really hit and miss.  I've found that with the THC (Nabilone) it works every time.

I was going to get a Christmas tree today but once again I'm not feeling well enough. Tomorrow my mom and I are supposed to go and get one.  I hope I'm feeling better so I can go.  Otherwise I'm going to have to get my husband to get one somehow...and I'm not sure how that would work!  We don't have a minivan like my mom does, so it would be a lot more difficult.  I wish he could go with my mom to get one.  That would work better for me.  This is such a weird time of year.  Look at me trying to get a dead tree for my house.  I don't even care if we have a tree this year, I'm too sick to bother with it.  I need someone to take care of it for me.

Lazy Monday morning

Today is a grey day.  It's damp and drizzly looking out there.  I hope the driving isn't too greasy.  My cold is behaving today...not giving me too much trouble aside from the typical odd sneezing fit or running nose.  I haven't had any fever today so far and so that's good. 

This morning my husband mailed out some packages and cards to various family and friends abroad.  I hope they arrive in time for Christmas.  The local cards and things will, but the overseas stuff...well, we'll see.  If it doesn't get there, it doesn't get there!  It will arrive eventually and that's the main thing.

My husband sent a gift to a friend of ours who lives in the US. He bought him a gun holster for his revolver!  So surreal.  As Canadians, the idea of carrying around a gun in the small of your back is just about unimaginable.  However, it seems to be all the rage in the US and so my husband (a bit of a gun buff) was so excited to be able to buy one of these holsters and send it off to our friend for his gun.  So funny! 

Personally I totally object to handguns.  I don't think there is any need for them whatsoever.  You can hunt and protect your home just fine with a shotgun.  Handguns serve only one purpose and that is to allow them to be concealed and portable.  Seems nefariously obvious enough to me.  If you don't want people running around shooting each other, you should make the guns as big and cumbersome as possible.  Something that fits in your pants pocket is totally designed to get your ass into trouble. 

Look at cannons.  They can leave those things out in fully functional state and you don't see anyone getting killed by those things.  Museums and national parks all over the country have cannons ready to be fired.  Nobody runs up and steals a cannon, some balls and runs off with their own gunpowder to lob cannons at the their enemies.  It could happen, but the gun is far to big and cumbersome.  Now look at how many handgun fatalities there are each year.  The smaller guns become, the more people will be killed by them.  You can leave a big inaccurate, cumbersome gun outside all year round and nobody kills anyone with it, but you leave a small one somewhere and I guarantee it will end up in trouble. 

So the way I see it, shotguns are the smallest gun we should allow because they're still too big to really allow someone to be sneaking around with one.  I mean yes, there are crimes committed using shotguns...some are horrible crimes.  But the use of a shotgun is messy and loud and it's a big gun that cannot be easily concealed except in one of those very telltale black trenchcoats we've all learned we should fear.

Nutcracker Sweet!

So the Nutcracker Ballet was at the National Arts Centre last night.  My husband and I took his parents and we had a nice boxed seat in the theatre so we had the whole box to ourselves, which was very nice.  I dislike sitting in the main part of the theatre because it's hard to get to your seat, there are literally people all around you and you can't leave quickly. 

It's like being on the Titanic, the worst seats are at the lowest level and as you get higher, you're more likely to make a quick escape!  We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly, although the Grand Ballet Canadien was not nearly as impressive as the Kirov Ballet (who did Swan Lake earlier this year) we have enjoyed both ballets for their own merits.  The Nutcracker was fun because of all the Christmas spirit in embodies...sort of the hokier and yet also more romantic side of Christmas.

The next ballet in our subscription is the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, which promises to be much higher calibre than the Montreal Ballet.  That will be taking place at the end of January.  I forget what ballet they're doing, but I'm sure that whatever it is will be wonderful because it's the Royal Winnipeg Ballet...Canada's most prestigious ballet company.  They got that title by being the best in Canada consistently and so I think it will be more akin to the performance we saw with Swan Lake than that of the Nutcracker. 

So back to the Nutcracker.  There was only one thing about the night that was even slightly annoying and that was the box in front of us.  They had 3 young children and only one adult.  She was one of these "whatever happens happens" parents.  Her smallest son, who was about 2.5 or 3 years old was hanging over the edge of the box's balcony and was literally almost falling out of the box.  The mother was completely fine with that.  She was just damned determined that SHE was going to enjoy the ballet.  She didn't care what her kids did.  But I cared.  I cared so much I literally came this close to asking why she didn't remove herself and her horrible mother skills from the box.  She did eventually leave with her climbing monkey and left the two little girls behind in the box, without any guardian except the complete stranger with whom she was sharing the box.  That poor guy must have had the patience of Job.  Seriously...that guy just sat there in his seat watching the show and you could almost see the vein in his forehead pulsing as the kid was climbing all over the seat beside him and CLAPPING in the middle of the performance out loud...and screaming! 

There was a point at which I must admit I really was hoping that there would be a Newsworthy incident that would involve a 3 year old child falling a full story to be stopped by the people below.  I was at one point feeling like that might be fun to watch unfold.   That kid literally came within an ace of falling and his mother had no idea.  She was completely not interested.  I really wanted to see it happen, not because I wanted the little boy to be hurt, but because I wanted her to learn a very important lesson about watching what your kids are doing and respecting other people's rights to enjoy themselves.  I checked, they were the ONLY kids in the entire theatre that were moving around for the whole show.  The girls were out of their seats, the boy was climbing the box walls, and the mother was ignoring them completely.  I hope she gets conjunctivitis for Christmas this year.  Her kids were as well behaved as you might expect little kids to be at a BALLET!  I mean come on, a three year old at the ballet?  What the fuck?  As if he wants to be there right? I mean spring for a babysitter, or get a friend to help you out and go with you.

See that's my conservatism kicking in.  My Christian upbringing made it very easy for me to wish that child would just drop dead so that he could stop bugging me.  Very easy to feel that way.  Not very NICE to feel that way, in fact it made me feel ugly and hateful to be sitting there wishing that kind of horror on some poor innocent little three year old who in any other circumstance I would be cooing over.  The point is that I was so incredibly indignant over the whole scenario that I could not make myself remember that in that box was a woman who probably desperately wanted to see the Nutcracker and who deperately wanted to share it with her kids.  Not important anymore because she was interfering with my enjoyment of it.   

I wish I could get to a place in my psyche where I would be unbothered by that kind of thing.  I need to find a lot more inner peace if I'm going to let one inconsiderate woman and her annoying children get to me.  I mean I allowed a good 20 minutes of my own personal energy to be caught up in the negativity I felt towards that woman and child, and for what?  I mean they were nobody...with nothing to do with my life, but I allowed them to steal my energy.  I would very much like that energy back. 

My goal is to become so unflappable that I don't allow anything to bother me.  That doesn't always work.  I blow a gasket every so often and I really wish I could control it better.  I could say that it's the mood swings from the MS.  I could say that it's the side effects of the massive quantities of THC that I consume, but I think those are still "convenient excuses".  I need to try harder. 

If I had laid into that woman and said what I wanted to, I would have put her into tears or upset her very much and it would have made me feel like I stooped to her level of inconsiderateness (is that a word?)  She would have wondered what in hell just happened, and I would have felt like I took it too far.  But let me tell you, I was getting a case of road rage going when that kid was just about to fall.  I finally hissed out a "shhhhhh" and that seemed to draw the mother's attention to the kid's near death situation.  She hauled him down by the back of his pants and probably stopped him from falling at least a full storey down onto the people below.  I would have paid money to see that! :)

So that was the excitement at the ballet.  I hope she reads my blog.  I would really like her to know how much of a tit I think she was.  Stupid mother is going to lose her kid some day.  The problem is that people like her NEVER lose their kids or get into any trouble.  They are the ones that coast through.  It's the ones who worry and take great pains to care for their children that seem to always be the ones that have them stolen or molested or killed.  Probably because nobody wants a smartass little brat in the first place.  Maybe there is some wisdom in that kind of child-rearing afterall.  Maybe if your kids are completely brash and rude nobody will go near them with a 10 foot pole!  All I know is that if I had behaved like those kids did at the ballet, I would have been beaten by my father.  Maybe that wasn't the wisest way to raise kids either, but I knew how to keep my mouth shut and keep my ass in a seat.

Wow, I'm done!

All the gift buying is done!  I'm finished!  YAY!  *does the Snoopy happy dance* The gifts are all in order waiting to be wrapped.  I'll get wrapping next week sometime, probably after the tree goes up but not necessarily.  We'll see how I feel.

Speaking of how I feel, the cold is fully engaged.  I'm snotty and gross.  Hopefully I can manage it over the holiday season.  After this many years of having a cold or flu at Christmas (it happens almost every year!) I am pretty seasoned at being sick over the holidays.  I remember one year I was so sick I just slept right through New Year's Eve.  That was lame because it was days before I realized that I hadn't heard any New Year's tune!

My concept of ringing in the New Year involves one important tradition...a New Year's Tune.  The first song you hear of the New Year will set the tone for the coming year; at least in my little world!  I just have this superstition about the first song of the year.  I try to plan it so that I choose which song I hear, but occasionally have had to listen to "Oh Canada" or "New York, New York" as the TV station I was watching decided for me.  So far, as long as I explain to myself or to others what the new year's tune symbolizes, the following year always follows suit and does what I said it would. 

So one year I played a song about taking chances and said that it was my year for new beginnings.  I ended up splitting from my first husband later that year!  It was a good thing though, trust me.  So this year I hope that hear a song about healing and getting better.  I'd like to ring in the new year knowing I was going to be much healthier.  Of course I could also try to encourage the money gods to dump on me too...but that was last year's theme!  I could also play something like "Witchy Woman" just to mix it up a bit! :)  You know, to bring out my inner druid!  There are so many fun things to play as your first song of the year...and it's a fun tradition to have a "theme song" for each year.

Pretty average day

Every have one of those days that was "fine" in every way, but not particularly exciting?  Today is one of those days for me.  It's not that I'm having a bad day, or even a particularly good day.  I have a cold so I'm tired and a bit worn out, but today is just kind of "ho-hum" for me.  I am actually having a hard time writing because of it.  It's like being in purgatory (I imagine!)...nothing bad, but nothing good.  I need to eat something weird to spice things up or something.  Maybe I need to go outside to get a blast of cold air!

Last night my hubby brought home some takeout sushi.  His boss had taken them out for dinner for sushi at the best sushi place in Ottawa.  We usually buy sushi from a local spot, but this was a cut above.  He brought home a sampling of sushi that included cuttlefish, herring, and the standard salmon, tuna and yellowtail.  It was delicious.  I have a great husband!  I wish we could eat sushi almost every night but it's not cheap and I think the dog would object to the lack of interesting table scraps...although he does like tempura style sweet potatoes if you can believe it!  We sometimes get them with our sushi to fill up some space so we don't spend as much on the fish.  Anyway, that was a very nice treat.

Today I'm feeling pretty tired (as usual) because of the cold.  I checked with the calendar last night.  I've had this cold for 1.5 months.  I'm not exaggerating either.  I took the train on October 23, which is when I feel that I picked up the cold because by the following weekend I was having symptoms (hot eyes, sneezing, aching joints).  So just to clarify, I have still not reached the apex of that cold!  I consider it the final hurrah of the cold to get to the point where you are coughing and full of phlegm and fever.  I see it as the cold finally being pushed out of the body.  At this point, over one month into this cold I am STILL waiting for the cold to truly kick in and finish its business.  I've slowly gotten sicker, with breaks on the odd day where I thought the cold might even be gone away.  It hasn't been a constant state of running nose or itchy eyes, but consistently every night I get coughing and sneezing and I feel my joints ache as I try to sleep.  I wake up some days feeling totally wiped out from it and on other days I'm almost good enough to think I might be getting better. 

Let me just say that I'm not getting better.  I am definitely getting more cold symptoms, now with a drip down the back of my throat and some heat in my face and throat that feels like typical cold stuff.  It's weird how I'm just kind of stuck in this cold stasis.  I hope that it doesn't kick in just in time for the holidays, but I know Murphy and his Law...I have a feeling that's exactly what's in store!

Rough night

Well last night was a rought night.  My cold kicked my butt and I had a bit of a fever, a headache and I was anxious as hell.  I don't know if the anxiety was a result of the cold medication or just a reaction to environmental stresses.  I feel better today even though the cold is not gone.  I'm much less anxious.

Yesterday I got a final item for my husband's stocking and I got a small gift for a friend's son.  I got my friend's son these things called "Socker Boppers" which are inflatable boxing "gloves" that are really more like big square marshmallows you wear on your hands and you can bop your friends/family with them.  Good fun for kids and they're easy to put away (they deflate).  I expect that my friend's son will love them, and if he doesn't well they were not expensive so they could just get rid of them!  That's the beauty of a small gift that wasn't expensive.  I expect he'll have them punctured in no time, but at least he's going to have the fun of playing with them for a few days! 

Today my husband has a doctor's appointment.  He bashed his hand and at first what appeared to be whining actually seems to be a broken bone!  I feel bad because he had to go to the doctor and have it x-rayed.  I haven't heard yet if it was actually broken, but if it hurt enough to go to the doctor (something my husband doesn't enjoy) then I guess it was more than just a small injury...so I feel better knowing he's got medical attention for it.  It will be unfortunate if he broke a bone in his finger/hand with such a simple gesture, but I guess the human body can be surprisingly fragile at times.  You hit it in just the right spot and there's no telling what you're going to break.

I've never broken a bone.  I sprained my ankle once and that's the closest I've ever come to breaking anything.  That hurt like hell...but they say that sometimes a sprain can hurt more than a break because with a break the inertia of the injury is released in the breaking of the bone.  When you sprain, you just twist the bone and the impact is absorbed by the bone.  That takes a few days to heal.  Still, it's no broken bone and so I've never had to be in a cast for weeks or have pins in my legs or anything.  I'm glad I have avoided that fate...most people do break bones in their lifetime so I guess I've been lucky so far (touches wood).  Of course I've never done anything much (aside from horseback riding) that could really land me in a hospital with a broken bone.  Maybe it's a commentary on how exciting my life is that I've never broken a bone!  Oh well, nobody ever said I was living on the edge.  I'm much like a hobbit in that I am quite happy in my warm hobbit hole without need of adventure.  Okay, maybe I'm not THAT bad, but I'm pretty content not breaking bones thanks!

Done!

Well I'm finished Christmas shopping!  Not like it was that hard this year. Today I had only one gift to buy (the rest are already purchased) and now it's purchased.  I also picked up another item for a stocking stuffer for my husband and so I think that's it.  I'm waiting for one last item to arrive, but aside from that, Christmas is finished...from a gift buying perspective.  There's still cards to send and possibly booze to buy, but really the purchasing should be pretty much finished.

Now it's time to decorate the house, get a tree, wrap the gifts and invite our friends over for Boxing Day.  We have them over every year on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) for snacks and to open a few gifts.  I'll have to make sure that's cool with my husband before I put that out there.  It looks like this year there won't be a "big family get together" because it's a pretty crazy year.  My cousin is in the hospital having a preemie birth and so her whole family will be out of commission as they all share babysitting and helping out.  That leaves my other uncle's family and they won't be around this year for some reason...I forget what it is.  Anyway, long story short, my family will probably wait until Mardi Gras or St. Patty's Day to have a party.  It will be more convenient for everyone.

Hey check out that full moon!  Gorgeous!  Anyway, since there won't be a big family get together we're going to have a slightly less busy holiday.  That will make it a little more laid back I think.  We will still have to bake for Boxing Day, but that will be fun.  We can even do it on Christmas Day! 

Too Tired

I think I'm too tired to write too much today.  I am pretty sleepy and my mind is sort of floating around not thinking about too much.  However I did get reading my book yesterday.  That was good.

The book is now onto a chapter about "automatic" behaviours.  This refers to stuff like automatic handwriting and other automatic states that are trancelike or subconscious in nature.  It's very interesting.  The book is starting to show its age now as I get more in depth with it I am finding out that there are large areas of science and medicine that were severely lacking information in 1903!  I think it's funny that a doctor from back then knew less than I do now about hypnosis!  He had a pretty good grasp on the concept, but the way it happens is now understood to be a product of the natural trances of the human mind.  He thought it was HIM that was responsible for the patient being able to go into a trance.  He thought that a good hypnotist opened the mind of the patient.  He didn't realize that the patient can be hypnotized fairly easily and that it really isn't a sign of a good hypnotist that they can get someone to fall into a trance.  A good hypnotist is one that doesn't experiment with his own patients!  I'm assuming that little detail was inconsequential to him or he would have done less muddling and more studying.  He was using hypnosis as a way to show that there is an afterlife.  It worked but I don't know how I feel about him using his own patients as guinea pigs.  At any rate, he supposedly didn't harm anyone, but we'll never know the truth will we?

My mom is coming by today so we can go shopping for some final items for Christmas.  I want to get some Nerf toys for the son of a friend of mine.  I believe I'm also going for lunch at my parents' place.  I hope my mom doesn't mind that I'm a bit quiet today.  The cold has me feeling a little lethargic, but I really have to get those last items.

Narnia

Some days I wish it would be winter all year round.  I like winter so much.  It's so cheerful and life is so much more simple because you don't have to do yardwork (well except for snowblowing the laneway) and you feel like you are completely alone in the world when you go outside.  I love that feeling.  In the summer you can be alone outside but you always hear kids playing or dogs barking.  In the winter it feels like the most beautiful and peaceful experience when you walk out your door.  It reminds me of Narnia!

I love the story of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.  I learned of the story as a young Catholic kid.  We watched the old cartoon version as a "Christmas special" in school.  They'd fire up the old reel-to-reel and we'd watch it that way.  It was an allegory of Christ's life.  I didn't know that!  I just liked the story.  I later learned of its fairly heavy religious leanings, but you know I still enjoy that story.  I loved the movie version of it that was released last year.  But the problem I have with the whole premise is this idea of the land being stuck in winter and that winter was synonymous for "evil" and death.  I felt that the most charming part of the story occurs during winter, while the kids are discovering the new land of Narnia.  Anyway, I am always saddened by the movie's obviously moving scenes of Aslan and such, but the part I enjoy the most is at the beginning!  I have often dreamed of owning a home in the north, with lots of forest land and having a single lamp post installed in the forest, just like in Narnia!  I love to bring a little magic into my world.  Subtle additions of items that suggest magical places are always tantalizing to me.  I would also love to get a wardrobe that looked like the one in the movie (it's gorgeous!) and have it in the front hall for hanging coats.  Most people would not notice it, but the odd one would say "That wardrobe is so ornate and beautiful it makes me want to climb inside and look through the back!"  For those who do, I'd like there to be a door in the back!  Little suggestions of magic sprinkled throughout the real world have always made me happy.

Winter

Well winter arrived with an ice storm that knocked one of our trees over.  It's leaning on some other trees but if it doesn't get removed it will make life for the other trees very difficult.  Also, if the other tree falls the whole mess will land on the house.  So my husband will have to get out the chainsaw and cut it down.  It seems to be a dead tree, so that's good.  I don't think it's currently housing any squirrels or anything so it should be a relatively painless tree removal.  The only concern is that it's freezing outside which makes chainsawing less fun.

Last night I fell asleep while my husband was at his welding course.  I guess it's safe to say I wouldn't have been too much fun at the Christmas party if I couldn't even stay awake!  I had napped for two hours in the afternoon and was unable to stay awake for the evening.  I ended up getting a total of 4.5 hours of "nap time" in yesterday!  Pretty incredible for someone who doesn't nap.  I feel good for the rest.  I got a full 8 hour sleep last night too, so I clearly needed the rest.  Today I feel much better.

I still have the cold though and it's still getting worse.  I feel heavy in my head now and my ears have been itchy and ringing.  That could be a bad sign.  I really don't want an infection in my ears.  That would blow.  I think the reason I didn't get fully sick last night was because I slept and stayed in.  If I had gone to the Christmas party I would have been so sick this morning, but as it stands I'm in "stasis" with all of this illness.  For me the cold doesn't just "go away" it hangs out until it's finished and it takes FOREVER!

We have to wrap some gifts this afternoon.  My husband's aunt and uncle are in town and we need to load them up with Christmas loot before they leave, so we'll have to wrap their gifts up this afternoon and get them ready to go.  We'll have brunch with them on Sunday and trade off our gifts then.  I hope they like what we got for them this year.  They never phone or email or write to say "thanks"...we often don't know if they even opened their gifts.  They just buy us something each year, but they never tell us if they liked what we got them or anything.  It's very weird.  It's a bizarre family.  Anyway, so we'll have to get that wrapped up and then I'm going to get my husband to help me arrange some of the gifts in the office so we can hide some of them.  My mom comes over a fair bit and we'd like it if she couldn't see her own gifts while she's going through the house!

Friday night irony...

So tonight is the night of the company Christmas party.  We just got the worst ice storm in a long time and the power is out at the restaurant!  We couldn't go to the party because of my husband's welding course.  I was really disappointed, but with the power being out I don't imagine they'll have as much fun somehow!  I'm sure they have generators, it is afterall a hotel as well as a restaurant.  I suspect they'll figure out a way to keep the party going, but I thought it was funny that the power was out there but not at home!

My husband is at his welding course.  He is really enjoying it.  I think he likes the idea of making something with his hands.  I completely understand...I am the same way.  I love cooking, drawing, painting...all things that require manipulation with the hands.  Oddly I have poor hand-eye coordination, like for use in sports.  I hope that my husband enjoys his course tonight and drives safely.

Speaking of missing the Christmas party, my husband picked up sushi for us to eat as takeout tonight.  YAY!  I love sushi.  I really like raw scallops, snapper, yellow tail and salmon.  I also really enjoy the lobster/crab choices too, but there is this white fish that I love that I have no idea what it is.   We get it as sashimi.  It's fairly sweet and dense meat.  It tastes like a "bigger fish" my husband said because of the grain.  The meat is not translucent at all (like most raw fish).  It is not the sweetest of the fish, though it is sweet.  It's one of the most "bland" tasting of the fish meats, but it's my favourite because of the texture of the meat.  Anyway, it was all delicious and I absolutely loved that we had it as supper on the night we couldn't get to the Christmas party.  Nothing says Christmas like sushi, right? :)

I fell asleep today for two hours, which is not too common for me.  Usually if I take a two hour nap I pay for it in lost sleep at night.  So I tend to avoid napping even when I'm really tired, but today I couldn't keep my eyes open.  It didn't help that I got cold and slipped under the covers to warm up!  All of that warmth and the complete lack of sleep just caught up with me and before I knew it I was making z's all over the place!  It felt good to get a nap in, but it is definitely a testimony to how much this cold is dragging me down.

I read exactly one paragraph of my book today before my head hit the pillow.  I wanted to read more but I couldn't fight the fatigue anymore.  It's been slow going on this pile of books.  I hope to get more time to read once this cold is done with. I hope to, maybe over the holidays, also get some reading in. 

I don't want a crazy Christmas this year.  I want a nice quiet one with just a few nice parties to punctuate the season.  This year we go to my parents' place for supper first (last year we went to my in-laws' place first) and then after supper we head out to my husband's parents' place for after supper activities.  We will open gifts at my parents' place and then again at my in-laws' place.  It's now a matter of deciding how much energy I have for these events.  It takes us from about 4:00 pm on Christmas Eve until about 12 midnight before we get home and then we have OUR gifts to open.  By the time we get to bed on Christmas Eve, it's usually about 2:00 am Christmas morning!  We always slept in on Christmas morning, another gift to us from our parents (why they couldn't stand to let us sleep in I will never figure out!) and as much as it was a treat to us to sleep in on Christmas morning, it was also a gift to my parents who didn't have to listen to us being all cranky with each other for the first time in weeks.  Counting down Christmas can make any kid cranky!  Christmas morning we all got to sleep in and then my mom would whip up a huge brunch for us.  We'd enjoy our new comic books (we inevitably got whatever new Dilbert or Calvin and Hobbes book was out) and we'd sit around all day in our pyjamas!  We never went anywhere on Christmas Day, and that's what I'm hoping we can get away with this year!

Winter arrives at last!

This morning we woke up to snow...a light 1/4 inch dusting that just brightened up everything!  I love the way it looks after a fresh snowfall.  Of course it's going to become freezing rain later (according to the weather dude) but I hope the initial white dusting stays.  It just makes everything look so cheerful!

My cold is almost fully engaged I think.  My froaty is sore, my head is perspiring.  Seems like my cold is going to kick in just in time for the Christmas season.  I hope it's gone by the actual day of Christmas...we have so much to do on that day that I really can't afford to be sick.

This morning I woke up at 3:30 am with that unmistakeable cramping that means you're going to have the runs.  Sorry...I know it's gross, but I can't deny that pain...you know the one.  Anyway, I was sick for a few hours, up and down every 15 minutes.  It was terrible.  I didn't sleep as a result.  So I only have a few hours sleep under my belt.  I'm going to need a nap I think.  It's been a very draining morning so far (sorry about the pun!)...I'm looking forward to feeling like my old self again.

So I plan to spend another day vegetating because I am too tired and sick to feel like doing too much else.  Also, I'm afraid to leave my toilet too far behind...just in case.  That means that maybe today I can get some reading in.  We'll see.  It's so hard to read with all of the medications.

However on another note, my husband is going to start buying me tattoo art books.  He's found some good ones and he's going to buy them as he sees them on eBay.  Some of them show how to draw pin-up girls, some show how to draw scary things.  I want to have a good stock of tattoos that I can choose from, as well as being able to use elements of them to make new tattoo designs.  It's going to be fun to learn how to draw pin-up girls...that's new for me!

*cough*  I have a scratchy froaty.  I also have a fever currently.  It seems to kind of come and go, but it's definitely causing me to sweat.  I would say it's "low-grade".  Bleh.

Tonight the office Christmas party will be happening at a 5 star restaurant.  I was looking forward to going until my husband and I discovered a snag.  His welding course interferes with the office Christmas party and he has to go to the course if he wants to pass and go to the next level.  If he misses this class he would have to do the entire course over.  So the office Christmas party will wait until next year.  I hope we can get some sushi take-out as a consolation prize!